Posted on 04/10/2005 9:30:35 AM PDT by Arpege92
My fellow Americans:
As you know, the defeat of the Iraq regime has been completed. Since Congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is now complete.
This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now to begin the reckoning.
Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the countries listed there.
The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My Press Secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.
Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinately. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraq war. The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.
Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.
In the future, together with Congress, I will work to re-direct this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth. Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France or maybe China.
To Israel and the Palestinian Authority. Yo, boys. Work out a peace deal now. Just note that Camp David is closed. Maybe all of you can go to Russia for negotiations. They have some great palaces there. Big tables, too.
I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all you help comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon Chance, mes amis.
I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about what ever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers, and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York!
A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on list 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might not want to try pissing us off for a change.
Mexico is on list 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra tanks and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I'm going to put em? Yep, border security. So start doing something with your oil.
Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty - starting now. We are tired of the one-way highway.
It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying "darn tootin."
Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate homelessness in America. It is time to elimate World Cup Soccer from America.
To the nations on list 1. A final thought. Thanks guy. We owe you and we won't forget.
To the nations on list 2. A final thought. Drop dead.
God Bless America Thank you and goodnight.
If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading this in English, thank a soldier.
OK! ..OK!...I though the "two lists", "New York tickets" and "the borders" *sigh* were Doable. :^)
:-}
LOL....Good work !
Albeit I'd demolish the old UN building and use the property as a shooting range.......
I enjoyed it. I wish we would do a lot of those things for real...except the Israel part. Everything else, I liked. :-)
Not I! The cars should be confiscated and then sold to the highest bidders in a big car auction. Take the funds and give it to Republicans campaigning for office. Sell the property where the UN stands and use those funds to pay down the debt and the unpaid traffic fines left by the UN idiots. Bid the UN goodbye and permanently resign as a member. Start a new international grouping from List #1 and go ahead and lead the world.
Wow. You sure attracted some sourpusses didn't you?
Goodness there sure a lot of people with no sense of humor.
I thought it was amusing. Except the Israel part of course.
"You sure attracted some sourpusses didn't you?"
It took me by surprise....but I'm still going to continue to post on FR. Glad you liked it and I didn't like the Israel thing either.
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