What if? Three Steps to Take Now to Prepare! (avoiding the Terri mess)

Yahoo.com ^ | 2 April 2005 | Suze Orman

[Grampa Dave]

What if? Three Steps to Take Now to Prepare

A Suze Orman exclusive

Here’s what you need to do to make sure you, and your family, are never put into that position.

1. Tell Your Doctors What You Want Make it clear to your doctors exactly what you want them to do, and not to do, if you are too ill to express your wishes. In a written document called an Advance Directive, lay out the specific types of medical care you want if you are in a coma or have a terminal illness. (Advance Directives are sometimes called Living Wills.)

This document should include instructions on whether you want to be kept alive if you have a terminal illness that will result in your death in a short period of time, you have been in a coma for more than seven days with no hope that you will emerge from it, or the burdens of any treatment that would outweigh the expected benefits. You need a doc that tells your Doc what you want.

Once you complete the form, it only becomes effective when you sign it. Different states have different rules on whether your signature needs to be witnessed or notarized. My advice is to do both: Get two witnesses, plus a notary, just to make sure no one can challenge your document.

Give all your doctors a copy of your Advance Directive to keep in your medical file. Give a copy to each member of your family as well and discuss it with them so they are clear on what you want.

An Advance Directive by itself doesn’t provide you complete protection. In one recent study, 65 percent of doctors’ decisions did not follow the instructions laid out in patients’ Advance Directives to the letter.

This brings us to our second document….

2. Appoint an Agent to Ensure Your Advance Directive Is Followed Let’s get grim for a second: You have suffered a horrible injury or are in the late stages of a terminal illness, and you can no longer communicate. And at least one doctor or relative starts to question the wishes laid out in your Advance Directive.

To make sure your wishes simply shut down the debate, you need a second document: a Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care. This officially appoints another person to represent you if you cannot communicate for yourself and to make sure every detail you specified in your Advance Directive is complied with. The technical term for this person is an "agent." Your DPOA lets you appoint an agent to keep everyone on track. (Just to avoid confusion: In some states, this document is also known as a Health Care Proxy.)

I want you to choose just one person to be your agent. It should be the person you trust most to honor your wishes—and that person must be willing to actively fight for you in conversations with doctors and family. Don’t make the mistake of trying to be "fair" by appointing all your children as agents or giving the job to your spouse plus another family member. As well-intentioned as I know you are—you don’t want to ruffle feathers—having more than one agent increases the odds of discord and not getting your wishes followed. It opens the door just a smidge for different opinions. Keep it simple, by choosing just one agent.

Your agent should be someone who lives nearby and can get to a local hospital in a snap if necessary. Don’t give the job to someone halfway around the globe.

3. Get the Documents, Now Each state has its own Advance Directive. But the truth is, almost any state's form will hold up in another state. This form on my site is the one attorneys consider the gold standard for both Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care and Advance Directive. You can also go to the Partnership for Caring (link to www.partnershipforcaring.org) where you can download an Advance Directive form for your state. But, please remember, you need both forms mentioned above.

Okay, let’s recap: To give yourself the ultimate in peace of mind, you need both an Advance Directive to specify what you want and a Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care that designates an "agent" to represent your wishes if you can no longer speak for yourself.

It is that simple. And please know you can always make changes to these documents. Just create and sign new versions, with the more recent date clearly displayed. Then send the new versions to everyone who has a copy of the old documents and include a letter asking each person to destroy the earlier documents since they no longer represent your wishes.

And then rest easy.

[Grampa Dave]

Excellent summary in your reply re what we should do. Will it be perfect, no. Will it work at all times, no. But it is better than leaving it a mystery.

"I think that the real point should be what you would wish, and who you trust to make sure that happens - regardless of bickering over technical definitions of various mental/neurological states."

"Choose the line you don't want to cross. Communicate that line. Get it in writing. Get the backup mentioned above. Avoid another pathetic circus. Period."

[Grampa Dave]

Thank you for the links. I remember the first thread, and I had not seen the second link.

[queenkathy]

When our kids were young we put in our will they'd go to my sister and her husband if we both died. My will needs to be updated because my youngest is 28 and they often tease me that they are going to my sister when we die. Thanks for reminding me to update.

[WhistlingPastTheGraveyard]

Especially if you're living anywhere near Clearwater, Florida.

It's absolutely amazing to me the number of people writing their own death warrants to be carried out they moment the fall to 2 on L. Ron Hubbard's Emotional Tone Scale.

[Grampa Dave]

"When our kids were young we put in our will they'd go to my sister and her husband if we both died. My will needs to be updated because my youngest is 28 and they often tease me that they are going to my sister when we die. Thanks for reminding me to update."

BOL!

We were worse than you. When we set up our trust going on 3 years ago this summer, our sons were in their mid 30's and still in our old will re who would be the guardians. Our lawyer, who knew both of them, said they probably didn't want to live with their uncle and aunt since they didn't live in California.

[Grampa Dave]

"yeah and since they dont want to face the mess, that is more the reason to get it done.

Think of the mess it will be should the most unfortunate of events happen...."

Which is why all them will get an email about this from mean ole Uncle Dave and their sweet Aunt.

[MikefromOhio]

LOL

[Grampa Dave]

We will be playing bridge this afternoon after lunch with my wife's oldest and longest friend.

About six years ago her pro death Neurologist pronounce her brain dead after a severe stroke caused by pass surgery. Fortunately her daughters and husband listened to us and others and fired that Neurologist and got another one.

She still has a speech problem and walking problems. However, she plays bridge as good as she did years ago, does the finances and keep their social schedules going including appointments and social functions like today.

[TruthShallSetYouFree]

Brain dead. There's a test that is accurate for that?

Absolutely! Voting the straight democrat ticket in a national election is prima facie evidence.

[CyberAnt]

Also .. every state has a Medical Association - in CA - the CMA provided the forms and information on how to fill it out. The cost was minimal $5 for each form - and they will mail them to you.

You can always update it every few years - in case your opinions change.

I don't think a POA is that required, unless there is a large family and they are at odds with each other - then designating one person to have authority to implement the AMD might be a good thing. My sisters and I have already agreed to abide by what our mom wants on her AMD - regardless of our own personal decision about ourselves. A copy will be given to her doctor.

[Quix]

Seems to me to be a reasonable but very structured form. Would have preferred an option to write out one's own specific preferences.

There may be other free sites which have that option but I don't know. Anyone else know such a site?

[queenkathy]

That was a good article. Lots to consider there.

It actually confirms we did the right thing with our mom. She had lung cancer and was in hospital waiting for some new procedure where they put something through her nose and it had meds on it to treat cancer. Very new at that time (1990). That night before surgery she had a seizure. Lasted 1 more week with use of anti-seizure meds and breathing machine. The Dr told us that he ordered a brain wave test but we needed to start thinking about what to do. He explained very clearly that what made mom, mom, was gone. We told him we'd wait until the tests came back but that night she passed away. Thanks to God, we didn't have to make that decision but we had decided that if her tests came back that she had no brain activity, we would turn the machine off.

[MrDem]

What if? Three Steps to Take Now to Prepare! (avoiding the Terri mess)

1) Move to a state/area where like-minded people, who respect life live, choose the judges and officials.

2) Do what Rush has done in his will, explicitly writing out any heirs who have any part in trying to kill you.

3) Stash lots of water in hidden caches.

[queenkathy]

Oh great! Maybe I should insist on more than one test, more than one Dr...Oh my

[Grampa Dave]

We would probably need a POA as one son could not make the tough decisions even if we told him and had it in writing.

One of the potential problems with a POA is the new patient confidentiality acts. My wife's older brother didn't want to be a POA with their mother. So my wife and the younger brother were the official POA's. One time when their mother was in a hospital, the younger brother was out of state and we lived 2000 miles away. The hospital staff refused to share any info with him as he was not named. My wife called 3-5 time per day to get info and to help coordinate care.

[Grampa Dave]

I will be off the board the rest of today and most of tomorrow.

We will be having lunch with a friend who was pronounced brain dead about 6 years ago. After lunch we will play several hours of bridge, and she will out bid and play the 3 of us, my wife, her husband and I.

Take care and God Bless.

[MeekOneGOP]

Good common sense advise ping! :)

What if? Three Steps to Take Now to Prepare!
(avoiding the Terri mess)

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Grampa Dave writes:

Regardless of what side of the Terri mess we are on. We need to make our wishes/wants clear and documented for our loved ones. Don't leave them in the dark and yourself at the mercy of the courts.

Take the time to discuss what you want, spell it out, have it witnessed and maybe notarized. We did this when we set up our trust two years ago, and we will revisit those orders we set out and make some changes.

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See the article post for details. :)

Please let me know if you want ON or OFF my General Interest ping list!. . .don't be shy.

[thoughtomator]

It only takes one step, really: don't marry a violent, pathological individual.

[Old Professer]

If I don't hear from you by next week, I'll be calling the local Meals on Wheels chapter to cancel your deliveries.

[MEG33]

Thank you, thank you!..I will have someone download these for me..several copies..I feel negligent for not having done this earlier ..though my wishes have been expressed in no uncertain terms to my children(I am a widow).