This is Koko's boyfriend, Ndume
Posted on 03/29/2005 8:23:43 PM PST by SJackson
Ladies, would you flash your boobs at a gorilla to keep your job? And when I say gorilla, I'm not alluding metaphorically to your hairy boss. I'm talking about an actual gorilla.
Two American women are suing their ex-employer at the Gorilla Foundation, for trying to get them to bare their breasts to Koko, a 33-year-old female gorilla.
I'm a little disappointed that Koko turns out to be female. Most of the news stories I read about this left out that salient detail, for obvious reasons.
The story has a lot more impact if she was male, because then we could immediately delve into our store of gender prejudices and come up with some juicy puns. Stuff about bananas, for example.
But never mind, we work with what we've got. The story goes like this - The employees were told to display their breasts so they could bond with Koko, who is a gorilla who is famous for her ability to speak sign language.
I've often wondered about that - why do people spend their lives trying to get gorillas to talk? I mean, what can they really tell us? A useful source of grubs? Sex tips for dealing with women who say no? Grooming secrets? Why not spend your time getting birds to talk, rather.
That would be much more useful, because you could use the birds to spy on Paris Hilton. Or, perhaps less excitingly, on Patricia de Lille.
But that's a little off the topic, which is - gorillas and breasts.
Gorillas and breasts
An odd topic, you're right, and I'm indebted to reader Colin A of Johannesburg, who sent me many mails about the issue. The mails were at first sweetly imploring, but became increasingly threatening.
I don't know what issues Colin A has about gorillas and breasts, and I don't want to know. All I know is, if I didn't write this column, Colin A was going to do something vicious to me with a banana.
But I had another reason for writing it - a homage to Gary Larson.
Does anyone remember that great Larson cartoon about renowned primatoligist (or 'chimpanzee chick' in the popular press), Jane Goodall?
If memory serves me right, it shows a female chimpanzee picking a hair off her chimpanzee husband while grooming, and saying: ""Well well, another blonde hair - doing a little more 'research' with that Jane Goodall tramp?"
It encapsulates so much, including my attitude to the gorilla and breasts story, which is rather alarmingly titled on News24 as 'Women sue over gorilla's fetish'.
The story tells us that the employer being sued, Francine "Penny" Patterson, had the following to say to Koko - "Koko, you see my nipples all the time. You are probably bored with my nipples. You need to see new nipples. I will turn my back so Kendra can show you her nipples".
Aside from the obvious cruelty inherent in this scenario (for example, what cruel parents call their daughter Kendra?), surely this is more about humans doing those perverse human things we're so famous for, rather than animal behaviour?
Unless those two things are the same, of course.
Chris Roper doesn't mind an apple a day, but keep those damn bananas to yourself.
Damn, she is HOT!
I suppose you could say that.
That woman in the middle reminds me of David Lee Roth...
Oops, I thought the one in the middle was just an ugly guy. On second look, I realized it was an UGLY woman.
Down boy. ; )
Why? Are you a gorilla?
It seems wrong that you're not here.
Oh you are good!
I think you forgot to add "/sarcasm".
I think we've just been misinformed by the press. What really happened is that the women were told that Koko would not be as upset if those two would wear their shirts from the neck up.
And on a slightly different subject, if they win their suits, do they win the boobie prize?
Any woman that is so ashamed of her body, that she can not display it to an animal, has some serious mental problems.
No, just my monitor. ;-)
Baring breasts is not in the zookeeper job description. Entering into a personal, sexually oriented relationship with a huge animal isn't either.
Do I need to spell out the rest of the story?
I get it.
1st time I've seen this story.
But thanks for sharing with us...:-)
What? The Designer, the Great Architect of the Universe, can't have done other designs? I think He may very well have done so. Maybe he wants us to figure it out for ourselves, since he did make us curious as cats, and a lot smarter. (Some of us anyway).
I think that's not Koko. I do believe that's a male silver-back. (Essentially a young middle age gorilla.)
This is Koko's boyfriend, Ndume
Hey, I tried!
A good rule of thumb, should you ever find yourself in judgement of this kind of extortionist, is to try to estimate what you would offer somebody to voluntarily take on whatever damage / embarassment / injury they claim to have "suffered". (This does not generally apply to bona fide injuries like car accidents.) Plus a little because they weren't actually offered it in advance. That's what a plaintiff should ask for in damages (and not necessarily what they should be awarded, of course).
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