DARWIN WINNER – March 2005

NRA assisted suicide.

"Here we are at the beginning of March and we already may have the 2005 winner of the Darwin Award. This guy is going to be hard to beat."

No kidding.

He is a most deserving recipient of the award.

...the clerk with a .50 Desert Eagle...

Ooh, I bet that left a mark.

Bwahahahahahahahahaha!

"Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop"

LOL!!!! Thanks I needed this one! Whoa!

As Claude Rains said in Cassablanca, "We haven't yet decided whether he committed suicide, or was shot trying to escape."

In this case, I'd say it was suicide.

I wonder if that was a "police assisted" suicide?

Have the toxicity reports come back from the autopsy yet? This dude HAD to be on something--drawing on a cop is stupid enough, but in a gun shop with likely armed citizens?

---at least 23 hits out of 47 shots is better than average for modern-day gunfights--if this can be called a gunfight--

Don't take a .22 to a gun store hold-up.

Crime prevention, let Hillary know.... ;-)

Ringing in the ears ? What ringing in the ears. What ?

Darwin Awards Mottos
Suggested by Readers
Survival of the Fittest
The tree of life is self pruning. -Joel Determan
I think not, therefore I am not.
Stupidity is a capitol offence.
Tragic Proof of a Missing 'Why?' Chromosome. -Frank Micle
Tales From the Shallow End (of the gene pool) -Jeff and Esrafael Dumb, Dumber, Darwin -Nigel Hayes Evolution Takes a Detour -George Magnuson
All people improve the gene pool, some by birth, some by their demise.-A. Chamberlain
Darwin Awards: Gene Therapy -Gregg Adams
"You are the weakest link. Goodbye!" -JW
Sperm: To be fastest doesn't imply that you are smartest. -Enrique Herranz
Live and learn. Or you won't live long. -Joanne
Darwin Awards: The Martyrs of Evolution. -Frode Tveit
Natural laws have no pity. -Robert Heinlein
James Thurber said, "He who hesitates... is sometimes saved." -Rina
God's H.R. Department -Pot Nazi
"Fool proof systems do not take into account
the ingenuity of fools." -Ken Clayton
Pain is the price of stupidity. -Aaron Bunt
The Extinction of Species -Ken Tholke
Natural Selection in Action -Ken Tholke
Population Control Volunteers -Rod
Chlorinating the Gene Pool -Ed, Jeff Gowdy
Die and Learn. -Greg Hanes
Nature's way of saying goodbye. -Chad Rogers
A Fool and His Life Are Soon Parted -Greg
One gene short of a chromosome. -Tom J
Stupid Human Tricks - Wurdulac
I saw a book titled "Sex for Dummies" and wondered why
anyone would teach dumb people how to reproduce?
-Lynda-Marie Hauptman
(gene pool) Lifeguard Is Now Off Duty -Kevin 84
Dysfunctional Genomics -Murphy
Unnatural Selection - Brian Peters
Sometimes You Darwin, Sometimes You Darlose -Felz
A ounce of common sense is worth more than a ton of intelligence.Charlie
Where the gene pool thins to a mere trickle-David Szabo
Are You Missing a Helix? - Matt Molnar
And We Are the Top of the Food Chain? -Joanne
Why? Because! -Philip J. Shirk
Adding Insult to Injury - Pete
Stupidity is its own reward. -Jay
Evolution Fights Back -Jay
Lifeguarding the Gene Pool -ed
Stupid is as stupid does.
Stupid is as stupid dies - Dean Hopkins
Making the Human Race Smarter, One Idiot at a Time. -Andrew
If Teaching Evolution is Outlawed, Only Outlaws Will Evolve. -Ed Marble
Death by Natural Selection -Dan Ryan
Evolution's Revenge -AJ
Famous Last Words I: I bet no one's ever done this be...
Famous Last Words II: It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Famous Last Words III: Watch this!
Steve, Jefferson, Kevin P. Craver
Evolution For The Hell Of It. -Roy Henock honors Abie Hoffman
Where Evolution Hits the Pavement. -Ingrid
Too Stupid to Live. -Jonathan Sinclair
Gene Pool Reject - Danny Comsa
Next!
Culling the Herd -Jolem
Murphy's Law Personified -John
Caution: Natural Selection at Work -T. Agosti
Selection? Naturally! -T. Agosti
"Who knew?" -W Miller
Gene Pool Belly Flops. -Mumbly Joe
Better Genes for Better Living. -Jon
Better Living Through Natural Selection. -Kevin
I'm glad I didn't think of that! -Laird Boy
Better off Dead -DB Coward
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool. -R. Bullitt
Have a nice trip! See you next fall! -Matt Doughty
The difference between genius and idiocy? Genius has its limits. -TWS
Genius may have its limitations,
but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
Bill Liebler quoting Elbert Hubbard
Gene Pollution
Homo stupidiens
Evolution: The lean, mean gene machine.
Vanish and better the whole human race.
And the winner is.... Eliminated!
The sum I.Q. of the world is a constant.
The more people, the more idiots. -Thomas
You can lead a horse to water,
but you can't make him think! -Ted V
Eliminate warning labels: Help natural slection! -ak-lupin
You can learn a lot from a dummy. -Jim Ozols
Better Dead than In-Bred -Darzilla
Ready, Fire, Aim! -SKY
Reincarnation: Let's you keep trying til you get it right! -Hawk
Where Action Precedes Thought -Robert S
It's better to be silent and thought the fool,
than to speak and remove all doubt.
Ron
Celibacy is not hereditary. Too bad stupidity is.
Mr.Highfield, amie's world history teach.
I find it the greatest pity that she had thought
of contraceptive before her mother...
The Man
Veni, vidi, voops! I came, I saw, I tripped. -John
Give up! The stone wall always wins! -Wokster
Returning the genes that don't fit! -jennifer
Permission to live...DENIED! -Bucket
You can lead a man to knowledge, but you can't make him think!
Andrew Augustus, Jr.
Friends Accumulate, But Idiots Multiply Exponentially -Ev DaSilva
Replace the gene pool filter, it's backing up! -Taraea
Just another ripple in the gene pool of life. -D.Landrum
Darwin and Newton share a hearty laugh. -Meaty
Make it idiotproof, and we'll make better idiots. -J Ritter
Dumber than a bag of hammers.
Stupider than a box of rocks.
K.A. Davis
Forget the adage about learning from your own mistakes.
It's safer and more entertaining to learn from other people's mistakes!
Julius
The one award you hope you don't ever win! -Citron
The stitching on the genes is coming undone -Rohan Kaye
One sandwich short of a picnic -M.A. Mayer
One can(not) learn from a fatal error! -R .Duke
Against stupidity, the gods themselves contend in vain. -Friedrich von Schiller
Logic is the cement of our civilization, with which we ascend
from chaos, using reason as our guide. Or not.
-Tegan
Stupidity is a sexually transmitted (and terminal) disease. -A Johnson
I say, I say that boy'sas sharp as a sack of wet mice!
D. West's Foghorn Leghorn voice
Just because you can doesn't mean you should. -Tracey
The world's full of oxygen thieves. -K.Morrow
Behold the power of stupidity. -Dan K.
Got Brains? -N. Wanzer
Famous Last Words:
I double dog dare ya! -Nate
I wonder what this button does? -David B. Appleton
Safe?of course it's safe! -Alan
How proud our ancestors must be.
It's smarter to be lucky than it's lucky to be smart. -
Harley Miah sharing a quote from Bob Pippen Fosse
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most -nesmad
Darwin Awards: From Monkeys To Morons -J Sharpe
Darwin's waiting room is never empty. -Lou
There aretwo things in the universe
that are truly abundant: Hydrogen and Stupidity.
Frank Zappa
Idiot proof is easy. Now, cretin proof, thats a challenge. -Graham
Gravity:It's not just a good idea;It's the law! -Mark
Pain is a great teacher -T. O'Neil
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity--Robert Heinlein
Dan Flanders' Robert Heinlein quote
Everyone starts off with a bag full of luck
and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill
the experience bag befor the luck bag is empty.
Raúl
Stupidity Never Sleeps -RC Gonzales (former safety officer)
The intelligence of the planet is a constant.
The population is increasing.
sonia g
The intelligence of a group is determined
by taking the lowest IQ in the group and dividing it
by the number of people in the group.
Chris Maurice
God must love stupid people, he makes so many. -w. gelnaw
Stand back folks, Evolution in progress! -Charles Lehrman
They gave their lives to cleanthe gene pool. -Ken Leatherman
Cogito, ergo sum confusus. -DGardiner
Retroactive birth control. -Mike
In the fight between you and the world, back the world. -CDD00
Dumb as a box of hair.-CD
I see no problems between us that could not be solved by your departure.
I did not go to his funeral, but I wrote a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.
Abe Lincoln
Another poster child for birth control. -Tony E.
Terminal stupidity is a self-limiting disease. -Ed Connelly
Skimming the Debris from theGene Pool -Betsey Langan
See the Happy Moron
He Doesn't Give A Damn
I wish I were a Moron
My God! Perhaps I am!
Pandora
Keeping a date with dense-ity -Urban Hermit
Proof that God has a warped sense of humor. -pam
If you don't succeed the first time, then skydiving is not for you
-Potitilli
The creative answer to the question,'To be or not to be.' -Armour
Learn from the mistakes of others.
You won't live long enough to make them all yourself.
Robert D Johnston
Sinking the cueball on the gene pool table. -Blair Cooper
There's a fine line between bravery and stupidity. -bluefire
In the ongoing battle between aeroplanes and
the ground, the ground has yet to lose.
Graham Bartlett
I like my thumbs. - Alan C.
Better to do something and fail,
than to do nothing and succeed.
T Morrison
A high IQ doesn't make up for a lack of common sense. -Flyn_Falcon
Evolution: Taking care of those too stupid to take care of themselves. -aille
When the world is made to be idiot-proof,
the world will become overpopulated with idiots.
Mark Twain
To be or not to be...
The line between genius and madness is very fine.
Out of billions of opportunities, these sperm were the best?
Tommy Hejl
'Splat' happens! -Christian
You do not need a parachute to skydive.
You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
It's not the fall that kills you, it'ssudden deceleration syndrome. -Chris
Death comes to all men, but some just can't wait. -Doug
Where there's a fool, there's a way. -K.Koch
I support evolution! and they can have my
opposable thumbs when they pry them
from my cold, dead hands!
alyssa
You're only depriving some poor village of it's idiot. -Sophia J.
It's only funny until someone gets hurt... then it's hilarious!
Life is too important to be taken seriously! -I. Batterbury
They sunk because they hadn't thunk.- czarzie
The Award people are dying to get -Cray
Is this the best we can be? -Nathan E.
Remember, half of the people you know are below average.
Natural Selection is merely attempting
to decrease that proportion.
-Beth
Where the ignorant meet their logical conclusions. -Penth
God's Great Banana Peel -Darwin
Nature's UNDO key.-Rich
Natural contraception. -Gary Townend
Somebody peed in the gene pool. -Rich
Stupidity is self-correcting. -Dusty
Death cures insomnia. -Janne Hirvonen
Natural Deselection -compton
Ultimately, we are the solution to our own stupidity.
A "drive to survive" the size of a lemming's...
The gene pool just got a little shallower...
Fame is fleeting, but dumb is forever.
Evidence that God is still in charge.
Things that make you say, "Hmmm."
Darwin's Rake Hard at Work.
"If I only had a brain..."
Candy for a sick mind.
Retroactive abortion.
Mental Midgets
Dead No-Wits Society
Another Sap from the Tree of Life
T. Agosti
Evolution is not an option; It's mandatory! -Mr. E
NEW! 23 June 2004:
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
There is nothing more frightful than ignorance in action. -Walter Kerr
What people call fate is mostly their own stupidity. -Arthur Schopenhauer
There is no such thing as an underestimate of average intelligence. -Henry Adams
There are more fools in the world than there are people. -Heinrich Heine
...and an anti-motto:
"It is not clear that intelligence
has any long-term survival value." -Stephen Hawking

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Was this guy trying to commit suicide, I wonder?

Mostly not true. And it happened 15 years ago

On 3 February 1990, David Zaback attempted to hold up H&J Leather & Firearms Ltd., a gun shop located in Renton Highlands near Seattle, Washington.

On 3 February 1990, David Zaback attempted to hold up H&J Leather & Firearms Ltd., a gun shop located in Renton Highlands near Seattle, Washington. About 4:40 p.m. that day, he entered the crowded shop and announced his intention to rob it by Gun telling everyone to put their hands on the counter and saying if anybody moved, he'd kill them. He then spotted a uniformed policeman having coffee with Wendall Woodall, the shop's owner. What happened next is less than clear in terms of who shot first, but there was an exchange of gunfire between David Zaback, the would-be robber; Timothy Lally, an 18-year veteran of the King County police force; and Danny Morris, one of the shop's clerks.

Zaback, who had fired three times, was shot three times in the chest and once in the arm. He died in the hospital about four hours after the shooting. No one else was injured during the incident, and no charges were subsequently laid against Lally or Morris.

The e-mailed narrative holds up as a news item for the most part, but some of its elements have been altered to make for better storytelling.

With all those customers opening fire, there is no way anyone could determine who's bullet did the dirty deed, nor is there any way that a prosecutor could argue that pulling the trigger was an unreasonable response. I'm thinking that the investigation of this shooting is going to be pretty short.

I don't think this guy qualifies. To receive a Darwin award, death has to be an unintended consequence of the recipient's own stupidity. Although we will never know for sure, I suspect the guy intended suicide by cop and friends.

Darwin Award Ping

That was my first thought. Deliberate suicide.