Posted on 03/29/2005 2:00:05 AM PST by Cincinatus' Wife
............If I am undervalued and unrewarded, half nuts and to blame for every ill that can befall a child, I don't want to spend my last 15 minutes of consciousness at the end of what Warner describes as my exhausting and unfulfilling day reading about it.
Maybe it is just me, because these books are flying off the shelves and the authors are getting time with Katie Couric and on National Public Radio and are on the cover of Newsweek.
My theory is this: The authors of these books are just as bright, angry and tired as the mothers they write about, and they are very good at what women do best: complain.
The only difference between you and them is a book deal.
There have been moments -- usually when my children are sleeping safe in their own beds -- when I have descended into sentiment and thought of motherhood as a sacred trust.
But most of the time I answer my children's cell phone calls like this: "Now what?"
I know what I do -- preparing the next generation to take its place in the world -- is beyond meaningful compensation.
That's why I work for someone who will pay me.
I am sure Mary Eberstadt could find the damage I have done to my children by working, but I have never needed to go very far to be criticized for that.
After all, it was my first-born who once said, "You get dressed up, leave us with someone we don't like, come home in a bad mood and make a sorry dinner."
The only difference between him and these authors is a book deal.
(Excerpt) Read more at baltimoresun.com ...
This Mother/columnist could learn a lot from Erma Bombeck.
In all fairness to these women, I don't see how a woman can be expected to hold a job and still be the mother their children need(much less be a wife on top of it).
"For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward." Erma Bombeck
"It becomes possible for a Shaw to say "that unless Woman repudiates her womanliness, her duty to her husband, to her children, to society, to the law, and to everyone but herself, she cannot emancipate herself". The primary woman, the peasant woman, is mother. The whole vocation towards which she has yearned from childhood is included in that one word. But now emerges the Ibsen woman, the comrade, the heroine of a whole megalopolitan literature from Northern drama to Parisian novel. Instead of children, she has soul-conflicts; marriage is a craft-art for the achievement of "mutual understanding." It is all the same whether the case against children is the American lady's who would not miss a season for anything, or the Parisienne's who fears that her lover would leave her, or an Ibsen heroine's who "belongs to herself" - they all belong to themselves and they are all unfruitful ..." http://www.atimes.com/atimes/Front_Page/GC08Aa02.html
That's true.
People should make choices, work or kids.
Too many parents decide to do it all and the kids suffer.
She made me laugh when I wanted to cry.
I thank God for Erma's help.
The role of government as the nanny state has certainly upset the natural order of things.
Husbands, fathers, breadwinners have been beaten down while women have been told they can have it all.
But to have it all, you give it all up - closeness to children, time together as a family unit and true connection to your spouse.
Having a huge home and children in daycare is not the answer. More and more people are seeing the tragedy of neglecting to nurture a strong family unit.
Strong families are the bedrock of a society.
LOL! My mother said, "You can blame me for every problem in your life until you're 25. After that, either get over it, or get a therapist (at your own expense.)"
Unless the editorial is a parody (like that guy on NRO who keeps catching us with our "suspension of disbelief" showing), the author would not agree with your statement.
To her, "meaningful" means "money."
I know what I do -- preparing the next generation to take its place in the world -- is beyond meaningful compensation. That's why I work for someone who will pay me.
It is amazing, when you think about it, how much power wives, mothers, women have.
Exactly how can a woman work a full time career, cook the meals, and have energy left to be involved emotionally with the children.
And lets add in the fact that many careers require enormous hours for periods. Its simply not possible to be a mother and for example a soldier in a far away land. At that point kids become just an accessory.
And often an only accessory, you couldn't be a mother to a large family and have a career realistically.
What you say is also true about homes, so many invest many years salaries to live in a beautiful home. For the status. But I don't think many realize just what it means.
For example if with mortgage interest a home was 1million dollars. That would be 25 years working for the woman, at 40k a year. Kids would rather spend time with their parents, then have a huge home with a view.
In a heartbeat!
"It is amazing, when you think about it, how much power wives, mothers, women have."
Exactly men cannot bear the next generation, women can. Women have always selected their mates, not the other way around. Men went off to fight wars, because the young women were too valuable to lose.
When women become workers, their value instead becomes the wealth they can produce per hour, minus the profit margin.
You're right. But anything worthwhile is a lot of work, and people with bank-account hearts just don't see the value of children. I'd rather have another baby than a new car any time :-).
You're a wise woman.
Luckily for those want a tradional style family, its easy to get under our current system. You just have to be willing to use the system to your advantage instead of fighting it.
I was discouraged a time ago, until I read what the muslims were doing in Europe. Now I'm copying it lol..
They will get a muslim wife, and get her training to be say a nurse. When she finishes she will work the minimum time before she can go on pregnancy/maternity leave. In west Europe you get 2 years paid maternity leave.
For the next 20 years, the woman will continually get pregnant and having children. All the while she stays on paid maternity leave.
The next step some who want a lot of children do is this. If its a profession without good maternity leave, they will not officially get married. Instead the wife will happen to live in the same apartment as her actual husband, but not legally a husband.
Then the woman can go on welfare, and get all the bonuses for each child. Which is tens of thousands of dollars a year in many states.
Its all about thinking through things logically.. any system can be defeated by using the system itself.
That's infuriating.
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