I killed the only child I would ever carry when I was 19. I didn't know the risks, like sterility, which I ended up with. Nobody told me. But I'm ready for motherhood now!
You have to live your life in complete denial to not be affected in a major way by killing a child. And there's no doubt many women live that way.
Have bad things happened in your life that affected you? Have you ever hurt someone who didn't deserve it and you didn't get a chance to apologise? Things like that happen in many people's lives. If they are decent people, they have regret and the incident has affected their lives. Do they all live in "trauma?"
Of course not.
But the idea that abortion is easier than adoption or raising your own children is a myth.
It's extremely unlikely that your fertility problem was related to the abortion. That's a popular myth among anti-abortion activists, but there's no unbiased medical evidence which backs it up. In the Soviet Union, studies consistently found that women had had an average of at least 9 abortions -- it was the only birth control method available, so everybody used it over and over again. Soviet medicine was hardly advanced (I lived there for a couple of years in the late 60s/early 70s and no Westerner would have dreamed of going to a Soviet doctor -- if you needed more than your embassy clinic could provide, you hopped on a plane to Finland). And yet even with the relatively primitive medical skills, equipment, and facilities, women who abortions virtually always got pregnant again, in a long repetitive cycle of pregnancy-abortion-pregnancy-abortion-pregnancy-abortion . . . . Abortion does not cause sterility, period. If there are serious complications, which are rare, that can occasionally lead to fertility problems, but no more than complications from natural miscarriages.
"You have to live your life in complete denial to not be affected in a major way by killing a child"
stands2reason, let me just say, oh I don't know what to say.
I've always said before that it was someone close to me that had an abortion. It wasn't me, but seriously, my sister was pushed into an abortion. She called me, so happy to tell me, that she was pregnant. All she ever wanted was to have a baby. But they weren't married. I encouraged her, but a couple of days later, her then-boyfriend talked her into an abortion.
And I tried. I called clinics, help resource centers, what have you.
Sadly, whenever I said, "my sister is about to have an abortion she doesnt really want," I got, "OH! you want the *insert Conservative Christian anti-abortion line* when all I wanted was some real help for my sister.
I mean, let's be truthful. There are many young women out there that really don't know what to do and are swayed, especially by men who don't want take care of their responsibilities.
So my sister did have an abortion. And she once she and her boyfriend (oh yeah, he thought it was okay to get married not long after that, but his view is that a fetus is basically like a shrimp or not even that, a blob, so who cares if they aborted) got married, well they tried to get pregnant but my sister had a lot of trouble conceiving and then a miscarriage.
I am so sorry, stands2reason, because I got carried away. Let me just say that I, and so many other people who have seen your post, are praying for you to be a happy Mom very soon.
I have to believe in forgiveness, otherwise, I don't think I could survive. :)
And I am not joking. Because I know that I make mistakes every moment of every day.