I can understand getting a prenup or postnup. It's like fire insurance...you hope to never need it, but it's there if you do. And it's done with the knowledge and consent of both parties.
I cannot imagine being so cynical about marriage and about my future spouse that I'd do something like this! I'm getting married next month and if I discovered my husband did something like this I'd be livid.
What's so bad about expecting to be the one with a "long, sound marriage"?
It is indeed cynical but understandable. I'm a female and I've been married for fourteen years now. I've seen my hubby's friends get royally screwed over by their ex wives. One particular friend was forced to move back in with his parents because he couldn't afford to pay rent on an apartment due to the amount of money he has to fork out every month to his ex wife. Very sad and very unfair.
The point is really this: Many men (and women) who have assumed they would be the one with the "long, sound marriage" have ended up divorced after a few years. For the man, it's a lose-lose. Not only do you end up divorced, but you get financially screwed over so bad because of the current state of marriage law.
No-fault divorce is a punitive measure against men, in most cases.
BTW - I'll be married 16 years this August, so please accept my best wishes on your impending nuptials!
Do you plan on having a house? If so, will you buy insurance for it? Does having insurance mean that you are counting on having it burn down?
Look at it this way: if the marriage doesn't work out, then he was right to do it. If the marriage lasts until retirement, you have a better retirement than you thought you would.
In real life, the husband would eventually liquidate the nest egg.
And I bet that if your future husband knew you wanted to be able to screw him royally in the event of a divorce, he'd be livid too.
However, there are many women out there that pounce and shred a man to pieces financially once they've 'lost that loving feeling' and the courts are set up to let them do it. In NC, an unfaithful wife is pretty much immune to any repercussions in court from a financial standpoint due to infidelity. However, a man is held to a completely different set of rules which almost always means bankruptcy, especially when children are involved.
Because of the lack of fairness in the courts, men are being forced to 'protect' themselves from hateful and mean-spirited spouses seeking divorce; or else, never get married. I know several men who have elected to 'get-clipped' after 1 or 2 children and are in their late 30's.
I have to agree with some of the responses, that current law can allow a woman to make a career out of being married several times. They are legally able to build a nice income for themselves and obtain assets they didn't pay for as a result.
My boss's brother was arrested 5 weeks ago for $600 back child support after his ex 'forgot' to report to the courts that she had received $1000 from him in cash 5 days prior to his arrest (which he had a receipt) after only being late for 6 weeks. My boss had to wire $1300 to bail him out and pay the courts then on a Sunday night. His brother still made it to his job the next day (long haul trucker and prior 1991 Gulf war vet with the 101st that spanked the Republican guard and received a purple heart).
OK, with all that said, the way I see it too, the system is way the hell off track.
There's no reason to be livid.
A marriage is a business deal.
You can deny it, but it is a fact.
This makes 100% good business sense.
The first step is entering a business partnership is to plan for the break-up.
I'm currently being courted by an investor who is willing to fund my business to the tune of over $200,000.00. One of the first things I'll discuss with him is what to do in the event of a break-up.
To let silly emotions get in the way of a business deal is foolish.
You should also plan for a possible break-up of your marriage. There is nothing cynical about it.
I can. Not on my own account, since I've been happily married for a long time, and didn't go the prenup route (we were both in love and poor, which made it pointless). However, I've seen several male friends pretty much ruined by hotly contested divorces. The courts have become much more feminist-dominated and anti-male in their views and actions over the past 25 years.
If husband and wife are pretty much on the same level economically, they should share. However, where there's great disparity on one side, excluding some portion of that wealth from the common pot makes sense. Its even better if its discussed and disclosed. For example, if I were to leave some funds to one of my kids, I would hope they weren't available for easy looting by an unscrupulous daughter-in-law.
Once there's kids, it gets much harder. Sometimes the Dad is abused, other times he tries to escape his responsibilities. The nest egg shouldn't be used for the latter purpose.
Let me help you imagine it...
First you "fall" in love and get married to a beautiful girl. After 14 years and two children...there is a divorce.
The court awards the ex-wife the house, spousal support and child support. You end up paying over half a million over about 16 years.
Next you "fall" in love with a beautiful girl...what do you do now?
It's a nice dream, but I've seen too many men come home from the sweatshop where he earns what supports the family only to find a restraining order that locks him out of his own house while his dear little wifey sells, hocks, or otherwise trashes all his personal belongings before she takes the house, cars, kids, bank accounts and most of what he will make for the rest of his life.
I know it breaks the spirit of marriage to have a fallback, but so does the feminist-inspired attitude of modern American women.
If you look at the statistics, you'll realize that setting up a divorce fund is not cynical at all. Half of all marriages end in divorce. Two-thirds of divorces are initiated by women. 25% of men whose wives launch a divorce never saw it coming. Seventy-five percent of "reasons" for divorce are nebulous things like "he didn't make me happy." Add to that the fact that whoever initiates the divorce has all the power, will get the divorce 100% of the time, with the other party and his lawyer ignored by the judge, who by law cannot deny the divorce, and there you have it. It's a wonder that men ever venture into marriage at all.
EVERYONE expects that, but statistics tell us that it isn't the case, that's why!