DFU SONG: Nice to Be With You (Rather: it's been so nice to read the news)

It's been so nice to read the news
Each night I could spew my liberal views
But then I really messed up bad
I made conservatives really mad
I put in motion a lot of commotion...now I'm through

Mary Mapes had said...she would get the big story
And the Bush campaign would be dead
She had promised it's in the bag

So I believed in her...we would get him good
But then, that bad detour
That stupid woman is a worthless hag

It's been so nice to read the news
Each night I could spew my liberal views
But then I really messed up bad
I made conservatives really mad
I put in motion a lot of commotion...now I'm through

Man, I hate FR...they knew those docs were phony
Buckhead had become their new star
In my head, what's that frequency

I saw my life flash by...I was saying "courage"
But I had to cry
It felt like Tager had re-pummeled me

It's been so nice to read the news
Each night I could spew my liberal views
But then I really messed up bad
I made conservatives really mad
I put in motion a lot of commotion...now I'm through

On the evening of October 4th, 1986, Dan Rather was attacked by William Tager who, contrary to popular belief, had a very good reason for attacking Rather.
Bill Tager was born in the year 2265. Bill Tager is from the future. Bill Tager is not from our planet. Well, technically he is from earth but not from our earth.

Tager comes from an earth in a parallel universe and was sent here by the government of his planet. On Tagers earth, the entire planet is under the control of one government. Tagers world wide government has been experimenting with travel to other parallel universes (which involves a warp of the space/time continuum) for almost 150 years.

Bill Tager, a convicted felon on his planet, volunteered to be the first human test pilot on the condition that he be given a full pardon if he returned safely (hence "12 Monkeys" and our flimsy excuse to include this story on our website). On Tagers earth the Vice-President of the world is a man named Kenneth Burrows, who just happens to look exactly like Dan Rather. (I should explain here that most everyone on our earth has a double on all of the other earths in all of the parallel universes.)

Before Tager entered the travel chamber he was paid a visit by Vice-President Burrows and was told that he had a transmitter implanted in his brain and if he chose to remain in the section of time/space that he was being sent to and didn't return at the designated time, he would be barraged with messages to return until he came back and reported on his mission. Then, and only then, would the transmitter be removed and he be given his full pardon.

Tager's trip was successful and he landed in New York on September 1st, 1986. All was going as planned and Tager was preparing to return to his own time and world when he was mistakenly arrested for putting coins in expired parking meters. After spending 30 days in jail (and staying on our planet 14 days longer than he was supposed to) Tager started receiving extremely hostile messages from Vice-President Burrows telling him to return immediately.

His window of opportunity had past and he would have to wait another week to try to return but there was no possible way to let Burrows know this. The constant voices were driving him insane. He wasn't even able to sleep at night. If there was any way Tager could find out the precise frequency that was being broadcast to his brain he could possibly override the voices and be able to sleep at night until he was able to make his return trip.

As he walked the streets of New York late on the evening of October 4th, 1986, Tager saw a man who he thought was Vice-President Kenneth Burrows. He quickly came to his senses and knew that Burrows would never make the risky trip himself and figured it must be Burrows' double on our earth.

However, he thought, what were the chances that out of over 5 billion people on this planet, he would meet the twin of the man who had been sending hostile messages directly to his brain for over two weeks.

Tager called out to the man, "Kenneth! Kenneth Burrows!". To his surprise, the man, whom we know to be Dan Rather, turned to see who was yelling and was knocked to the ground. Tager repeatedly kicked Rather as he lay on the ground and yelled "What's the frequency Kenneth?" hoping to learn the frequency of the signal being broadcast to his brain and stop the voices. When Rather didn't respond, Tager realized he had made a terrible mistake and had indeed attacked Burrows' double on our planet. He fled the scene and later missed his second, and last, chance to return to his home planet.

Years later, in 1994, in an attempt to get in contact with someone who might be able to identify the frequency and put an end to the voices that had haunted him for so many years, Tager shot and killed an NBC technician outside the "Today Show" studios.

Today, William Tager sits in a prison in New York, the voices, now an automatic message that replays itself every 20 minutes, still play in his head.

Thirty-some years ago I worked at a 50,000 watt rock station in Seattle where I had a brief career marked by a meteoric rise and followed by a meteoric fall. As a former classical musician I had the gift of split-second timing in the art of "talkups". This is where you squeeze in all the necessary boilerplate required by a station during the instrumental introduction to a song, stopping exactly when the singing begins. It was an art form then, and the pro's didn't need to use a clock because their musical instincts were enough.

For this song by Gallery, I did a bit explaining that Gallery's lead singer, a man named George Ohitso, would sing his last name, followed by the title of this song. This would fit perfectly into the opening line, "Ohitso nice to be with you."

Decades later I still have retired DJ's giggling at the memory of that one.

You've GOT to hear "The Day Dan Rather Lied" (to the tune of Don McLean's "American Pie"):

Go to
http://www.kfyi.com/newpages/personalities/liddy_hill.html#dan -- scroll down to the "Listen to the Song" link, right-click and save to disk, then play.

THE DAY DAN RATHER LIED

A long, long time ago
I can still remember how the news used to make me mad
And I knew that if I could choose
I'd prefer fair and balanced news
And Maybe we'd get straight scoop for awhile
But September made me grin
I thought, at last, we could win
Bias in the broadcast
I knew that it could not last
I can't remember if I sighed
When I read about his desperate try
But something touched me deep inside
The day Dan Rather lied

So, Bye bye, Dan Rather b' bye
Told us Dubya didn't serve
But that was a lie
When caught by the bloggers
You chose to deny
So, this'll be the day your job dies
This'll be the day your job dies

When I turned on the tv news
I did not want to hear some liberals' views
But that's all the networks did
And did you think it was pretty fun
When Dan was embarrassed by Bush '41
The dead air time, remember that one
And I know that you're fed up with him
When he dressed up like Gunga Din
Where were we to go
Before talk radio?
I was physically ill, I mean really sick
When he mouthed off to our Tricky Dick
But I knew we were all in luck
The Day Dan Rather lied

I started singin' bye bye, Dan Rather b' bye
Told us Dubya didn't serve
But that was a lie
When caught by the bloggers
You chose to deny
So, this'll be the day your job dies
This'll be the day your job dies

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