Frankly I felt disappointed this round. Granted Free Republic is a place to exchange thoughts, frustrations to enjoy a healthy debate.
Instead I found some to be quite harsh on Ben's relationship with his son or lack there of. I cannot speak as a parent but the following are my observations; that his son is pretty typical and the incident portrayed may not be the norm. To say that he is not a good parent seems harsh. It is important to offer opinions, criticisms but some of the comments were well to use the term harsh again best describes it. A friend told me after reading this article that she and her husband did not want to see themselves in his words but they did. I wonder if any on the thread felt that way?
Mr. Stein is a very humble and kind man. He represents my conservative values and when I disagree with his writings I say it with well the idea that if he were to read our threads on Free Republic it would have a postive effect. As they say you can bring them in with honey. So many conservatives take a gander at Free Republic.
How does one offer advice for teens? I saw many had and I saw other comments that well seems to write him off, if for no other reason that his article about his relationship with his son. When Mr. Stein is on he is ON. As shown by the previous threads on Free Republic I have added that to the bottom of this comment. Some were better than others but I have to tell you the one on Wal Mart, Reagan, How Was Your Day? (Ben shares of his hosting a military member and family) AWESOME, Christmas Peace (The voice of a true American Patriot - most read) were excellent and worthy of a reread.
Again, I am in good company with those who I ping to Stein's columns and I hope you take away from my comment an honest observation and without malice.
cricket -God Bless Ben Stein. . .the perfect 'imperfect'. maybe Ben could ask Tommy to write what HE is thankful for. . .and include Tommy thougtts in his next article - witih permision, of course. . .might help - couldn't hurt
Cricket, I actually think that is an excellent idea.
sevry - sports
sevry, sports really help to shape our youth and I agree that is an excellent suggestion
MinuteGal Some of us are not at all surprised about the brat's selfishness and loutishness.
I must have missed it but does this one experince a brat make?
cubreporter Tom or Tommy isn't going to be the key. It's how he is being raised and what kinds of responsibilities he is being taught. I think Ben Stein is doing this tongue in cheek, dont you? I bet he has a loving relationship with his son Tom/Tommy and it's nothing like he jokes about.
I actually found your comments insightful and maybe he is doing this tongue and cheek, he is a comdiean?
Choose Ye This Day I do not think it is tongue in cheek. I believe Ben does have a loving relationship with Tommy, but perhaps not a parent-as-authority-deserving-of-respect-and-obedience relationship.
CYTD, exellent suggestion.
TChris -Far too many parents expect their children to be their buddies instead of their children. Be a parent and don't be afraid to piss them off to teach an important lesson. He made the mess, he cleans it up, or he never gets to use the house again. Period.
Actually I get it TChris, there are parents who do not want push their kids away so they move from the discipliarian to the buddy and in the end it hurts both of them. Lesson learned.
Hildy Sounds like Ben Stein is not a very good parent. Kid sounds spoiled and maniuplative.
Hildy, we will have to agree to disagree.
xsmommy my feelings exactly! i cannot respect someone that allows their kids free rein like this. it is astounding to me.
Kids will be kids and parents will be parents. Don't do as I do. Learn from mistakes.
MHGinTN Those for whom Ben would use the term friends are fortunate indeed. This is one very good man ... that's my term for someone with whom I would spend time in conversation and reflection if possible. To put that in perspective, I've said the same of Mel Gibson and don't anticipate ever meeting him face-to-face either.
Thoughtful comment and insightful.
over3Owithabrain Agreed - Stein is a real asset to this country and conservatism. He makes inroads where others cannot. Doesn't make him the perfect dad or always strong when it comes to our War on Terror. But people here need to reread the great things he said about God and country in the article.
I wish there were more of his kind in LA, at least we have Ben.
GopherIt Ben bares his soul every month in AS. He is a very generous man, and God bless him
He is generous and a true patriot. He loves his country, he loves and supports our troops and would give the shirt off his back if it would help another. Like giving a military family a chance to reunite. How many others in LA can you say do that?
02/20/2005 FOX NEWS: Hollywood vs. America (tonight 2/20 9pm EST host John Gibson - Ben Stein will be a guestposted by Former Military Chick
02/19/2005 Ben Stein: One of Them (Tribute to Arthur Miller) posted by Former Military Chick
02/19/2005 Ben Stein: How Was Your Day? (Ben shares of his hosting a military member and family) AWESOMEposted by Former Military Chick
02/15/2005 How Was Your Day? (Meet Corporal John Quinones, of the First Cavalry Division.) [Ben Stein]posted by nickcarraway
02/12/2005 Here is a man who finally realized what the hollywood elitist really are.Ben Stein's Last Column...posted by GodBlessAmericia
01/29/2005 Ben Stein: Wal-Martposted by Former Military Chick
01/29/2005 Ben Stein's Last Columnposted by dvan
01/23/2005 Ben Stein: Tribute to Ronald Reagan (It's Ben need I say more) posted by Former Military Chick
01/23/2005 Ben Stein: Special Deliverance (another amazing essay)posted by Former Military Chick
1/20/2005 Ben Stein: Special Deliverance (another amazing essay)posted by Former Military Chick
12/17/2004 Ben Stein on retirement planningposted by Constitutionalist Conservative
12/16/2004 Ben Stein: Christmas Peace (The voice of a true American Patriot - most read) posted by Former Military Chick
09/13/2004 - How Can Someone Who Lives in Insane Luxury Be a Star in Today's World? (Ben Stein) posted by stainlessbanner
Good morning...well, I tend to think Mr. Steyn does do this tongue in cheek. Why else would you keep a diary and constantly put things in there that are uncomplimentary to your son whom you love very much?
I think Ben Steyn is a good, kind, loving man and I KNOW he LOVES his dog and I would be quite surprised if this wasn't all just some diary chatter. Besides, he is very funny with that voice of his. I think Tommy will be just fine. He's got a great dad....
First off, let me say I am a big Ben Stein fan and not striving to be contentious. He chose to write about his son in this article, and if indeed it is tongue-in-cheek or humorous or sarcastic or untrue in someway he has done his son and his readers a great disservice. I doubt that is the case, so let's take the story told at face value.
I am the parent of a 19 year old girl, she is a great kid. But no creature on earth, not even Osama Bin Laden, can terrify a parent and fill your heart with dread and your mind with fear like a teenaged child. I don't think one really has to be a parent to appreciate this, just think back on your own teenage years, put yourself in your parent's shoes, unless you were some rare paragon, I think you'll see where I'm coming from!
I cannot approve of drag racing on public streets, anywhere, anytime. Ben certainly set two bad examples for his son here, first off participating, second, having the cop let them off as a favor. What's done is done, there, but I hope that activity is not repeated.
I also think he was very foolish to let the kid go to the beach house alone, and when his worst fears were confirmed his response was inadequate. I can only wonder what the others children's parents thought. And if he wants to blame "hollywood" may I remind him than none other than Angela Lansbury moved her family to Ireland for years, in order to get her kids out of "hollywood".
I say this as a parent who has spent more time that I would have like battling with my girl. She's a great kid, and I HOPE she turns out alright, but as the saying goes, hope is not a plan. She's not grown yet and much effort continues to be spent combatting her laziness, self-regard, tendency to try and get away cheap from her obligations, self-indulgence, and her too well founded belief that she can charm her way through life. In short, she's far too like her father and I can tell you that only my fear of a terrorist sponsored attack of small pox has come close to the frozen fear that contemplating my daughter's potential future has filled my mind with, upon occasion.
I'm 100% sympathetic to his feelings, but you can't let the little brats scare you, that is what they want. I call this, when my daughter does it, "building the wall of hostility", she makes herself so unpleasant you are happy not to deal with her at all. But you can't let them do it, you've got to keep breaching that wall. If I knew Mr. Stein personally I would tell him he should have kicked his son's butt over the beach house escapade.
It's a intimate story told in everyday incidents about his concerns for the world, his family, and the questions that plague a mature person, "Did I do right? Did I do enough? Do I see things correctly and have them in proper perspective?"
A younger person does not ponder these things so deeply.
There was actually more than one "incident' in this article, and neither reflected well on the son, nor were they just teen pranks. They were calculated misbehavior.
A great conservative, a good writer, a multi-talented, gentle man, Ben appears also to be a life-long neurotic in the sense he tries to do everything right and even when he does, he worries to death about it.
I think he tried to be a perfect dad, breadwinner and chum to his son, agonizing over every detail in the growing-up process and in the end, he over-achieved to the point the kid is rebelling.
Relax, Ben.....quite analyzing, doting and hovering over Tommy. And for gosh sakes, quit writing all these never-ending details of his and your personal lives which appear unduly entwined due to your doting.
Maybe at his age now, Tommy is tired of being forced to read in the media fish bowl all the personal details and warts of his life.
How many of us would like a situation like this?
Ben should recomment the kid join the Marines next year.
Leni
I am happy to have your interest to expand my thoughts:
I, unlike you, do have children. Ranging from 21 to 4 years old. I've not been a perfect mother, and have made mistakes. One of the biggest mistakes a parent makes is not having boundries. Real boundries. Boundries that the parent makes clear are not to be crossed.
Although I've always enjoyed Ben Stein's columns there have always been two things I dislike.
One, although praising his wife from here to high heaven, he is often praising the beauty, grace, etc of other women with whom he works, lunches, etc. This is no big deal if it isn't to his wife, but it's always been a 'turn-off' to me.
Two, is his immature..., approval needing ..., reluctance to be a father to his son. Who, he never holds back, has become an out-of-control spoiled brat.
Did it ever occur to you that there may have been other people (not famous people) on the road who he and his son could have killed? Who does he think is going to educate his son if he himself is not willing to put in the hard work needed to raise a moral, gratification-postponing, unselfish, thankful, responsable young man?
He honestly writes of his spineless fathering techniques and therefore I honestly, although in a curt manner, offered a small bit of advice:
IF YOUR SON TRASHED YOUR HOUSE WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU TEACHING HIM BY CLEANING IT YOURSELF??
This is a train wreck waiting to happen
Best Wishes,
Sarah
First, let me thank you for posting the article. I too hold Mr. Stein in very high regard. Perhaps that's why I was so surprised that he was cleaning up after his teenaged son's messes. As brilliant, patriotic and conservative man as he is, I presumed he would know these things already.
The tone of my post was more harsh than I had intended. My disparaging feelings were directed at his ungrateful and undisciplined son more than to him. My experience has been that if you regularly clean up after your kids as they grow up, the lesson is never learned. But, who knows? Maybe my two sons have a similar surprise in store for me. "There, but for the grace of God, go I."
I was just responding to this particular column. I like Stein, he is very smart and witty. I never understood his obsession with Hollywood, but respected him for attempting to live his dreams. He's not a good actor, a one trick pony, but that's fine. What bothered me about this particular article is that it seems like he talks to us instead of his son. Do you know what I mean? He wants us to feel sorry for HIM! He was frustrated and angry...so what did he do? He cleaned up his son's mess and then wrote about it. As we all know whether we are parents or remember our experiences as children, the worst thing a parent can do is to keep "saving" his child from the ramifications of his mistakes. So, His son will read it and who knows what he will think about it. He reads about his Father being disappointed in him. There's just something odd and very sad about it. Save that for your psychiatrist or your son will end up with his very own for the rest of his life.