Posted on 02/25/2005 8:31:10 AM PST by Mr. Silverback
You may have had a swing set in the backyard when you were growing up or, if your dad was especially handy, a tree house. Nowadays, among America’s affluent class, a “mere” swing set or tree house might qualify as child neglect.
Instead, nothing less than a castle will suffice. Really. The “Atherton Castle” comes with a two-story, seven-foot-square “fort,” and a ten-foot bridge that connects to another five-level fort with a “crazy bar” climb—all for only $54,600.
If that price seems steep, there’s a “pirate’s haunt” for only $35,000. Or if you choose to spend more, you could pick the $166,000 “Napa Valley Chalet,” complete with cedar-shingle roofs, electricity, plumbing, and footbridge. Now that’s a playhouse.
This is more than conspicuous consumption. Castles for tykes are some of the more extreme artifacts of the mania that many Americans bring to parenting. This “madness” was the subject of a recent Newsweek story by Judith Warner, author of the new book Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety.
Warner’s experience and observations led her to ask why “arguably the most liberated and privileged group of women” in American history have “driven themselves crazy in the quest for perfect mommy-dom,” making “high-pressured, time-demanding, [and] utterly exhausting kids’ activities” an essential part of parenting?
Her answer is that women “are unsupported, because their children are not taken care of, in any meaningful way, by society at large.” They must face the “harsh realities of family life” without “structures” that will allow them “to balance work and child-rearing.”
If that sounds to you like a brief for government-supported daycare, that’s because it is. But even if such daycare were a good policy idea—I don’t think it is—it wouldn’t address the major source of this “madness.” Everybody knows that parenting is stressful. But why has it driven the women Warner describes crazy?
As columnist James Lileks put it, the “madness” Warner describes is what happens when “a preposterous ideal is [confronted] by reality.” Women who grew up believing that they “had fantastic, unlimited freedom of choice” find out that they can’t be both “Corporate Warrior Princess” and “UberSuperPerfectRoleModelLove-GusherMom.”
Even women who don’t buy into the “preposterous ideal” are affected, because the expectations of Warner’s privileged class are spread by the media. A generation of American women—and increasingly men—is expected to be in the car and out of breath trying to keep up with their kids’ schedules.
What they really need, as Lileks writes, is to ignore “the set of internally contradictory expectations thrown” at their heads “like a big frozen watermelon.” Instead, they should recall that parenting, as his mom taught him, consists of: “Be there. Be consistent. Be kind. Listen. Help.”
It’s our presence, not their activities, that enrich our children’s lives. If you can’t enjoy your kids, the gifts and activities do not matter. You might as well start writing checks to their shrink now.
Of course, being present requires making precisely the kinds of choices Warner wants to avoid—which leaves many parents asking, castle or chalet?
Made out of plywood.
If I was handy, that is.
There are some good links at the source doc, including the "Mommy Madness" article, Lilek's commentary and a site with pictures of the backyard castles and chalets.
If anyone wants on or off my Chuck Colson/BreakPoint Ping List, please notify me here or by freepmail.
BreakPoint/Chuck Colson Ping!
If anyone wants on or off my Chuck Colson/BreakPoint Ping List, please notify me here or by freepmail.
Napa Valley Chalets: These twin 2-story houses are different but equal: one with a turbo tube slide and one with a firepole. Both have cedar-shingled roofs with dormers, glass windows and doors, stairs, balconies, electricity, plumbing, insulation and fully finished interior. Chalets are connected by a 10' bridge over 2 swings.
Can you imagine paying 166 grand for that thing? What, are the fixtures gold or something?
That "Napa Valley Chalet" cost 2x as much as my real house.
Unbelievable. Some people have too much time and money on their hands.
LQ
interesting that the author brought up the daycare/working mom angle to this craziness. Where I grew up, there were many wealthy people who would've bought this kind of "treehouse" for their kids, yet all of these mothers were SAHM's. In every neighborhood my family lived in, ranging from middle to upper middle class, my mom was the only working mom on the block. Among the SAHM's there were a few who went overboard in trying to be the "perfect mommy" resulting in smothered kids, petty rivalries with other mothers, and some marital problems. So I don't think it's accurate to characterize the "mommy madness" problem as a working mother thing. It's quite obvious from my experience that SAHM's feel the same pressures. The problem goes much deeper than the working/stay home debate.
If you like, I could build you one of those $160k units with a 10% discount.
How long do you think kids are going to play in that thing? The next door neighbors have a set that looks like it belongs on a public playground. It's huge -- with a slide, swings, climbing wall, fort, tunnel with a room at the end complete with a round plastic window. The parents won't let their kids play on it because they might fall and hurt themselves.
I want it for a vacation house. It would be wasted on kids.
Mornin'.
Yep, that's it! Buy your kid a wonderful childhood. Seems to me that it would be better to slooow dowwwn and spend some time with the little ones building your own.
I did. No tree, but I built a platform 3 feet off the ground. Walls, roof, window opening, doorway and stair with 2x4 handrail. Wasn't perfect, but they enjoyed it.
$166K!! That's what a piece of real estate with a real house cost a few years ago. Ain't progress grand.
Oh, yeah. No, I wasn't the perfect dad. I took the day's pressure home with me, and home irritations to work with me. They both made me angry. But, all I could do was keep tryin'.
Newsweek story by Judith Warner, author of the new book Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety.
Library ping
Aaargh! Story of my life. For us, the problem is that we have so many, so that with church, Scouts, and one "other" activity, we're almost never home together. Modern life is just not set up for large families. (/whine)
Actually, the empty cardboard box from a refrigerator or other large appliance is a lot more fun than a treehouse with electricity and running water that costs 6 figures.
Same here, LOL. It was the one that the new fridge came in. I think we liked it so much because we got to decorate it ourselves.
We put on an addition when my folks replaced the washing machine :lol: ...
LQ
Ha! You beat me to it by less than 3 minutes!
Thanks for posting this.
I think you're completely right, but I also think that a lot of victims of mommy madness are career moms trying to compensate. However, good old-fashioned materialism, envy and parental wussiness are also alive and well.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.