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*** UNOFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD ***
TheBigB | 2.18.05 | n/a

Posted on 02/18/2005 10:27:37 AM PST by Fierce Allegiance

It appears as tough the regular poster of the Friday Silliness Thread isn't on board today, So I have stolen the opportunity to post it up. Have fun!

SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE.......

What is a Yankee? The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? The position of the dirt bag.

Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it.

What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth? One US leader.

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over? Doughnuts.

Why is air a lot like sex? Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

Why is Chelsea Clinton so homely? Because Janet Reno is her real father.

What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control? Their personalities.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? 45 lbs.

What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband? 45 minutes.

What's the fastest way to a man's heart? Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins? They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade.Who has the biggest boobs? The blonde, because she's 18.

Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex? Because they have cotton balls.

What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW? A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? Are you sure it's mine?"

What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts? Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? Mace will do that to you.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Breasts don't have eyes.

Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi? He walks around saying "Yo."

Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

What's the Cuban National Anthem? "Row, Row, Row Your Boat"

Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A different bar.

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? A speech impediment.

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast? They're hiring.

What's the d difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo? A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with..."a recipe."

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F... word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."

Why is there no Disneyland in China? No one's tall enough to go on the good rides


TOPICS:
KEYWORDS: fst; silliness
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To: pbrown

121 posted on 02/18/2005 11:36:35 AM PST by r-q-tek86 (The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content)
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To: ArGee

I have to bookmark this thread to show hubby. Cool story.


122 posted on 02/18/2005 11:37:17 AM PST by processing please hold (Islam and Christianity do not mix ----9-11 taught us that)
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To: talleyman
Hey! lysdexia is nothing to joke about!

I agree. Dailysex is a serious problem, and our government should leave no stone unturned in stamping it out.

123 posted on 02/18/2005 11:37:22 AM PST by Maceman (Too nuanced for a bumper sticker)
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To: Peach

Great!!!


124 posted on 02/18/2005 11:39:12 AM PST by processing please hold (Islam and Christianity do not mix ----9-11 taught us that)
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To: Maceman

I need to tell you about my dyslexic friend that attempted suicide

He jumped behind a bus


125 posted on 02/18/2005 11:40:00 AM PST by 5Madman2 (DemocRATS are Vermin)
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To: TPartyType

*snarf*

You owe me a keyboard. I have to remember to keep the soda away from me while reading a Silliness thread.


126 posted on 02/18/2005 11:40:46 AM PST by Betis70 (I'm only Left Wing when I play hockey)
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To: lilylangtree

I liked the pope one....


127 posted on 02/18/2005 11:44:19 AM PST by processing please hold (Islam and Christianity do not mix ----9-11 taught us that)
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To: Fierce Allegiance

128 posted on 02/18/2005 11:47:20 AM PST by najida (http://www.lotusdance.com/HouseTools.html.)
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To: TPartyType
I wasted $3.95 watching Mr. Napolean.

He never smokes pot, so why are his eyes almost always closed, no matter what's going on?

129 posted on 02/18/2005 11:47:42 AM PST by TexasCajun
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To: Betis70

I think you're close on this one. I believe it was the Dating Game. The host (Bob?) asked the question you posed, but it was directed to the guy. It was a little different. Something along the lines of, "What's your favorite place to have sex?" As I recall his response was an instant classic. “Ah, that’d be the butt, Bob.” A group of my old rugby buddies and crack up when ever “the funniest things ever heard on TV” topic comes up. Ciao.


130 posted on 02/18/2005 11:48:00 AM PST by MB6.3
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To: Fierce Allegiance

Laid my head on my desk laughing at that one....


131 posted on 02/18/2005 11:49:15 AM PST by processing please hold (Islam and Christianity do not mix ----9-11 taught us that)
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To: socal_parrot
Speaking of monks....

A guy decides to join a monastery. The head Monk tells him he must take a vow of silence. However, once a year, he can say two words.

The first year goes by without a problem. The head monk calls the new guy into his office and asks, "For your two words this year, what are they?"

"bed hard", says the new monk.

"Thank you very much. I'll see you next year!!"

Again, a year goes by and the new monk is asked for his annual two words.

"Food Cold".

"Thanks again. See you next year!", says the head monk.

The third year goes by and the new monk is asked for his two words. "I quit!"

"well that doesn't surprise me." said the head monk. "Ever since you came here, it has been complain! complain! complain!".
132 posted on 02/18/2005 11:50:00 AM PST by llevrok (Don't blame me, I voted for Pedro!)
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To: ezoeni

< img src = "http://ezoeni.com/img/fr/ice.jpg">
Think she might be a little frigid?


133 posted on 02/18/2005 11:50:15 AM PST by fredhead ("It is a good thing war is so terrible, or we should grow too fond of it." General Robert E. Lee)
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To: Fierce Allegiance

134 posted on 02/18/2005 11:52:35 AM PST by Dallas59 (Bush said the "F" word 27 times January 20th, 2005!)
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To: Fierce Allegiance

135 posted on 02/18/2005 11:53:04 AM PST by Dallas59 (Bush said the "F" word 27 times January 20th, 2005!)
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To: MB6.3

It's the actual transcript. From the Urban Legend site...

http://www.snopes.com/radiotv/tv/newlywed.htm


136 posted on 02/18/2005 11:53:48 AM PST by Betis70 (I'm only Left Wing when I play hockey)
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To: Fierce Allegiance
"Globalization"....


137 posted on 02/18/2005 11:53:58 AM PST by Dallas59 (Bush said the "F" word 27 times January 20th, 2005!)
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To: Fierce Allegiance
Ready to eat?....


138 posted on 02/18/2005 11:55:20 AM PST by Dallas59 (Bush said the "F" word 27 times January 20th, 2005!)
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To: Fierce Allegiance

139 posted on 02/18/2005 11:56:13 AM PST by Dallas59 (Bush said the "F" word 27 times January 20th, 2005!)
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To: MB6.3

Did you ever see the "Price Is Right" outtake where they call the woman's name and yell "Come on down," she jumps up and her tube top comes down??


140 posted on 02/18/2005 11:56:15 AM PST by fredhead ("It is a good thing war is so terrible, or we should grow too fond of it." General Robert E. Lee)
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