Posted on 02/07/2005 2:15:11 PM PST by KidGlock
Why Women Cheat
Expert Reveals Warning Signs
UPDATED: 10:18 am EST February 7, 2005
CLEVELAND -- When you think about cheating spouses, most people think about men, Cleveland television station WEWS reported.
The station reported that the latest trend has more women stepping out on their husbands, and found one story illustrating it.
She was a mother of three who had just celebrated her 10th wedding anniversary.
That night, she told her husband she was going out with her girlfriends. Instead, she went to meet her lover, the station reported.
Mike Lewis is a private investigator at Cleveland's Confidential Investigations Inc.
He has been in the surveillance business for almost a decade. And more husbands are calling him about their cheating wives.
"What they always say, the not knowing is the hardest part. And that's where we come in," Lewis said.
Another woman told her husband she was on a business trip. Instead, she flew to spend the weekend with her boyfriend, the station reported.
"Got 'em kissin," Lewis said.
After watching a video, her husband finally figured out why their marriage was on the rocks.
"Gotta be frustrating because you guys were trying to work it out," Lewis said.
Just how many married women have had sex with other men?
In 1991, researchers asked married women if they had cheated. Ten percent said yes. Compare that to 22 percent of married men who said they had cheated.
In 2002, researchers asked again. That number grew to 15 percent for women, while the percentage of men who cheated stayed the same.
"It's either something they're missing in their relationship, or it's how they're feeling about themselves," said Kathy Dawson, of the Marriage Movement.
Dawson is a relationship coach, the author of "Diagnosis Marriage" and "Cleveland Couples." She helps couples reconnect. Even after infidelity.
"No. 1, if your wife says, 'You don't listen to me.' Oh boy, that's a big signal. Women, No. 1, need is to feel listened to and validated," Dawson said.
A wife starved for attention at home can find herself in the arms of another man. Dawson said when husbands don't make wives feel good about themselves, watch out for the man who does.
"For a man, the most important thing he can do for his wife is to pay attention to her feelings, and listen to her. It doesn't mean he has to agree with everything she says. He just has to prove to her that he heard what she said," Dawson said.
Mike Lewis agrees. In his experience, he found that sometimes a cheating spouse may even let you know what's about to happen.
"Sometimes they do communicate before they cheat. Sometimes they say, 'I'm not getting this. I'm not getting that.' And it falls on deaf ears," Lewis said.
But in the end, the decision to cheat is made by only one person.
"Are you willing to pay the price? Because there is a price. There's the price of how you feel about yourself. If you have children, if they find out, how are they going to react? Sooner or later they're going to find out," Dawson said.
For the husbands mentioned in this story, the infidelity was too much for the marriage. Both divorced soon after. But cheating does not have to mean the end of a marriage.
"It's pretty devastating. Is it a deal killer? No. Are you going to have to work your tail off? Yes. Can you're marriage be stronger? Absolutely," Dawson said.
Unfortunatly the marriage is over. She has been unhappy for many years and told me the only thing keeping her with me is the kids. I will not be telling the kids what she did just that mommy doesn't love daddy anymore. The kids is what breaks my heart the most since they suffer the most.
As soon as she told you that statement your marriage ended. It happened to me that way as well. I just ddin't see the divorce coming. Piece of advice, get proof NOW no matter how much the private detective costs and DO NOT confront her until you are ready for a divorce because it's gonna get REALLY UGLY.
If it's any consolation, there is light at the end of the tunnel, I found it. Check your freepmail please.
I think after that it is simply another form of relationship, akin to prostitution. The bed is defiled.
If there has been adultery in the marriage, you certainly want another form of relationship. The previous model obviously wasn't working. Whether or not the current model can work is another thing. It can't be easy...
I'm sure the laws are a bit harsher on men regarding sexual harassment. It's mostly men who are in powerful positions; not women - it's the abuse of power and intimidation that makes sexual harassment so bad...not just the act of asking someone out on a date. Also, men are physically stronger than women and women can be raped and otherwise harmed. I don't think many men would have the same fears about being able to protect themselves as a woman does.
I agree...
I have no sympathy for women or men who betray their marriage vows. They have reserved whatever evil befalls them.
What was wrong with this model ?
And the man that committeth adultery with another man's wife, even he that committeth adultery with his neighbour's wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death.
You have a great wife! :)
This is my local news station. Why, or why does the news feel that they need to put stories such as this on air (I know, I know.... ratings, ratings, ratings). This is just National Enquirer, Cosmopolitan stuff. This is not news, nor is it journalism. Why do women (or men for that matter, cheat)? Here's why? Because they are SINNERS. Because they cannot or will not exercise restraint, self-control or do not believe in commitment and their marriage vows (if they took them)do not have value to them. That's why.
*smile*
Let's face it. No matter where you go, there's moral depravity.
One of the biggest issues I see is the skewed view of women being 'perfect angels' in most cases, victimized by brutish men.
Early feminists are not to blame for this skewed outlook; they fought to be viewed as people, not objects...and now girls of incredibly young ages wear clothes that objectify them, and they do it willingly. Men are at fault, too, because in a lot of cases they encourage it.
Men get abused by women, and although it isn't often physical, it's mental.
The best example of this is a story I studied while doing sociology at school. Here's the jist of it:
A woman breaks up with this guys best friend. The guy has a daughter whom is approaching teenage years, and he wants to find a woman to marry not only for himself, but to provide guidance for his daughter that he cannot. He has a beautiful home and a good job that he enjoys.
The guy and the woman hit it off, and soon become married...but things don't go so well after that.
The woman is manipulative and controlling, eventually reducing the man to begging for permission to buy cigarettes, using his daughter as a weapon against him. Anytime he wants to do something, he has to ask her permission first.
The final straw comes when he wants to take his daughter on their annual camping trip. He has the tents and bags packed, and is simply waiting for his daughter to return home from school.
The wife comes home and sees the camping equipment and demands to know what's going on. He replies that he's taking his daughter camping. The woman screams in outrage, shouting obscenities at him, throwing things around, smashing furniture and breakable objects as he simply stands there and takes it.
Finally, she calms down, walks over to the phone and dials the police.
"Hello? My husband hit me."
The court gives custody of his daughter to the woman, he loses his house...his boss fires him because they don't want 'woman beaters' working for the company, and he's forced to move into a half-way house. He becomes an alcoholic.
Now, to add insult to injury:
The court granted him the right to see his daughter once a year, so he selected his birthday as the date. He sits outside on his birthday with the land-lady, waiting for his wife to drop off his daughter. From early morning to late evening he waits, and eventually invites the land-lady up for a drink, his depression overpowering.
Wife shows up at around 11pm wit the daughter, sneers at him and says,
"You're drunk, I'm not exposing my daughter to this." and leaves.
This was a true story.
Women and men cheat for the same reasons, abuse each other for the same reasons, and lie to each other for the same reasons. Neither are innocent, both are guilty. Cheating on your partner is wrong, and is most certainly not justifiable.
Sorry if I strayed off topic a few times, but this sort of thing really gets my dander up, so to speak ;)
As an amendment to my first post:
Women sexually harass men as well; I get it all the time at work (no, I'm not exagerating or thinking wishfully), it's just that men don't find it as demeaning or insulting most of the time.
I know tons of girls that watch porn, too, so don't say it's an all male thing...it's just that most girls don't admit they do it.
Stop right there. The problem has been identified. ;)
....and who said that men aren't whiners?
LOL
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.