Posted on 02/07/2005 2:15:11 PM PST by KidGlock
Why Women Cheat
Expert Reveals Warning Signs
UPDATED: 10:18 am EST February 7, 2005
CLEVELAND -- When you think about cheating spouses, most people think about men, Cleveland television station WEWS reported.
The station reported that the latest trend has more women stepping out on their husbands, and found one story illustrating it.
She was a mother of three who had just celebrated her 10th wedding anniversary.
That night, she told her husband she was going out with her girlfriends. Instead, she went to meet her lover, the station reported.
Mike Lewis is a private investigator at Cleveland's Confidential Investigations Inc.
He has been in the surveillance business for almost a decade. And more husbands are calling him about their cheating wives.
"What they always say, the not knowing is the hardest part. And that's where we come in," Lewis said.
Another woman told her husband she was on a business trip. Instead, she flew to spend the weekend with her boyfriend, the station reported.
"Got 'em kissin," Lewis said.
After watching a video, her husband finally figured out why their marriage was on the rocks.
"Gotta be frustrating because you guys were trying to work it out," Lewis said.
Just how many married women have had sex with other men?
In 1991, researchers asked married women if they had cheated. Ten percent said yes. Compare that to 22 percent of married men who said they had cheated.
In 2002, researchers asked again. That number grew to 15 percent for women, while the percentage of men who cheated stayed the same.
"It's either something they're missing in their relationship, or it's how they're feeling about themselves," said Kathy Dawson, of the Marriage Movement.
Dawson is a relationship coach, the author of "Diagnosis Marriage" and "Cleveland Couples." She helps couples reconnect. Even after infidelity.
"No. 1, if your wife says, 'You don't listen to me.' Oh boy, that's a big signal. Women, No. 1, need is to feel listened to and validated," Dawson said.
A wife starved for attention at home can find herself in the arms of another man. Dawson said when husbands don't make wives feel good about themselves, watch out for the man who does.
"For a man, the most important thing he can do for his wife is to pay attention to her feelings, and listen to her. It doesn't mean he has to agree with everything she says. He just has to prove to her that he heard what she said," Dawson said.
Mike Lewis agrees. In his experience, he found that sometimes a cheating spouse may even let you know what's about to happen.
"Sometimes they do communicate before they cheat. Sometimes they say, 'I'm not getting this. I'm not getting that.' And it falls on deaf ears," Lewis said.
But in the end, the decision to cheat is made by only one person.
"Are you willing to pay the price? Because there is a price. There's the price of how you feel about yourself. If you have children, if they find out, how are they going to react? Sooner or later they're going to find out," Dawson said.
For the husbands mentioned in this story, the infidelity was too much for the marriage. Both divorced soon after. But cheating does not have to mean the end of a marriage.
"It's pretty devastating. Is it a deal killer? No. Are you going to have to work your tail off? Yes. Can you're marriage be stronger? Absolutely," Dawson said.
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And?
Yeah, well apparently, they are wrong. I was 21 when I married and have been married for 24 years.
Madly in love. Didn't think someone could be this much in love after so long.
I thought I was in love 10 years ago! It just keeps getting better.
So yeah, the term 'interesting' is relative.
Since I am celibate I don't see it as an advantage. I just merely made an easily observable point.
It's a sinful condition of fallen human beings, and not the ideal at all. People also murder people. That doesn't mean it's right. If men and women weren't meant to be monogamous then why are you not with anyone? I don't care to make excuses for people when they cheat on people.
Some English dude did a series called, 'The Science of Sex'. It was pretty interesting. The theory of sperm competition was fascinating.
LOL sperm competition???
Men are biologically driven to "spread their seed" as much as possible, which is why polygamy was the norm, rather than the exception, in most societies.
Denny Crane: "There are two places to find the truth. First God and then Fox News."
I'm not missing the point. However, if you are not a christian then I don't expect you to share the same world view about people that I do. Sad. Have a nice evening.
I find it interesting that in a thread about adultery, the word was not mentioned until the 18th reply. Euphemism after euphemism, until FINALLY someone calls a spade a spade. I wonder if this is one of the indications of deteriorating standards in our culture. I have the idea that IF women are committing adultery at a higher rate than in the past, it is just one of many symptoms of the general moral rotting that is going on.
So yeah, the term 'interesting' is relative.
Yes, it is, and some men are troglodites and should be abandoned, but some women who can't get their husbands to listen to them are just plain dull.
SO9
Where's the proof?
It was interesting, but I found it hard to believe we're slaves to biology and genetics. Our ability to think and rationalize makes us able to make better decisions than those driven by our reptilian brain. Well, some of us anyhow.
Cacique, please explain to cyborg that monogamy is not natural (as opposed to moral).
It's a definate indication of the deterioration of society.
Oh, come on! Women just HAVE a lot of deep psychological needs! Men don't.
Bring it on. This won't take long. How about we go offline so I can show that I have some mercy in me.
That is all true. Then, of course, there's the woman who just won't shut up. There is no turn off button, and the only reply she gets is 'yes, dear'. Nag! On the other hand, the passive hubby on the couch with a remote entranced by the television who's idea of family time is that everyone is in the house at the same time, and he's got the remote. Cretin.
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