Your Favorite Johnny Carson Joke?

Free Republic Vanity Kind-of ^ | 01/23/2005 | gortklattu

[gortklattu]

Just the Jokes, OK?

Johnny: "Sis - Boom - Bah

ED: "Sim - boom - bah

Johnny: What sound does an exploding sheep make?

[far sider]

Johnny said he was at a party and one of the guests said he was the biggest man in show biz. Johnny said he would have been bigger but he just got out of the pool.

[TC Rider]

While still in NY:

It was so cold today...

..how cold was it?

I saw a NYC cop with snow up to his chest, I told him I felt sorry for him. He said, don't feel sorry for me, feel sorry for my horse.

[texasbluebell]

He really did a great impersonation of RR.

[beyond the sea]

I liked the one where Racquel Welch got up and walked out on him. She brought her cat on stage with her, she sat down and put the cat in her lap. She asked Johnny if he would like to pet her pussy. Johnny said that her sure would if she would move the damn cat. Johnny got sued and Racquel never went back on his show again.

Now we have Raquel............... we have had Ann Margaret............ we had Jane Fonda.............. we had Zsa Zsa Gabor with the cat/pussy.

Maybe it was Tiny Tim.

Darn............... I remember who it was, and I'm not telling.

'Barefoot in The Park'.............may be a hint.

[Rocket1968]

Bump for later.

[Major_Risktaker]

I liked the one where Racquel Welch got up and walked out on him. She brought her cat on stage with her, she sat down and put the cat in her lap. She asked Johnny if he would like to pet her pussy.

Johnny said that her sure would if she would move the damn cat. Johnny got sued and Racquel never went back on his show again.

__________________________

Urban Ledgend
oldenuff2no!

The Movie

The Link

[Argh]

That was mine, too. Thanks.

[beyond the sea]

"Never pet a dog that is on fire"

not his best, I'm glad you got rid of it!

[beyond the sea]

It was so hot.......

Johnny Carson: It was so hot today Burger King said, "If you want it your way........... cook it yourself!

;-)

[Bloody Sam Roberts]

Carson to Audience: "Boy it was cold last night."
Audience: "How cold was it?!"
Carson: "It was so cold, that last night on my nightly walk, I saw 2 dogs stuck to the same fire hydrant!"

[Bloody Sam Roberts]

Ahhh...the Claude Cooper Copper Clapper Caper. Absolute classic stuff.

[Cornjonny]

This is the episode you were referring to.

[beyond the sea]

Myrtle Young from Fort Wayne, Indiana, whose hobby was collecting potato chips

A brilliant "falling off the chair" comedy moment.

[beyond the sea]

How generous is that!

LOL! Sounds like a straight line ........... but, VERY generous!!!!!!

[Bloody Sam Roberts]

Do you happen to have any video of any of Dick Shawn's appearances on the Tonight Show?

He did a monologue in the 70's called "Why I like bananas" that had me in tears rolling on the floor. Literally. I never saw it again and could never find a transcript. Not that it would be the same....with Dick Shawn, the delivery was everything.

[FreePaul]

I remember every one of those. I was a fairly regular viewer. Of course a lot of those were rerun often. I believe the Ed Ames Tomahawk throw set some records for longest laugh from an audience. It was funny even on the reruns.

[beyond the sea]

"May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits." ---

Update:

"May the fleas of a thousand camels infest John Kerry's shorts."

[Nea Wood]

Remember those annoying "Ring Around The Collar" commercials? I recall one skit where Johnny played a guy at a buffet and a woman came up to him, looked at his collar, and said, in a snotty, singsong voice, "Ring around the coll-ar! Ring around the coll-ar!" Johnny sang back, "Pie in the fa-aace!" and shoved a pie in her face.

In another commercial takeoff, Johnny played a nerdy little guy who looks around fearfully and whispers, "I want to talk to you about...diarrhea!!" A bunch of pies immediately hit his face from offstage.

[cspackler]

I remember him making a joke around the same time, to the effect that "So France wouldn't let us use their arispace... Gee, they didn't seem to mind back during WWII".

Also, one day at school I commented to a friend "Wouldn't it be funny if they found out that cancer was hereditary in laboratory rats?". That very week, Johnny said almost the exact same joke in his monologue. I wanted to sue...

[Tall_Texan]

"The good news is that students at Cal-Berkeley have built their own nuclear bomb. The bad news is that they are storing it in the trunk of their Ford Pinto."