Your Favorite Johnny Carson Joke?

Free Republic Vanity Kind-of ^ | 01/23/2005 | gortklattu

[gortklattu]

Just the Jokes, OK?

Johnny: "Sis - Boom - Bah

ED: "Sim - boom - bah

Johnny: What sound does an exploding sheep make?

[Snoopers-868th]

The reference to the Arnold Palmer question is being repeated as true on Fox right now.

[gortklattu]

Carson: May a tse tse fly bite you where it counts

[Kenny500c]

I thought his response was "I bet that really straightens out his putter."

[Ghengis]

Probably the most famous was the quip by Johnny to Zsa Zsa Gabor with her cat.

Except, it didn't really happen.

[speedy]

"May a holy man squat on your fez."

"May a sacred cow leave a night deposit in your front yard."


Karnak foresees the answer -- "Bobby Orr, Bobby Hull, Ed Sullivan." Opens envelope for question: "Name two hockey players and a hockey puck."

And all of it hermetically sealed in a mayonnaise jar on Funk and Wagnalls porch since noon today.

[ClintonBeGone]

"May you have the income of a Republican and the sex life of a Democrat!"

And that was before Clinton!

[gortklattu]

Some sad news from Australia....the inventor of the boomerang gernade died today...."

laughs


"Does that joke draw a picture, or what?"

[An American In Dairyland]

"Sure. Move the cat".

Zza Zza! I was just thinking about that one! LOL!

[Uncle Hal]

There was a famous exchange with Jane Fonda. I cannot recall it. Does anybody out there remember it?

[SheLion]

This is not a joke, and may the good Lord have mercy on his soul;

Johnny lived to be 79 years old, but Fox News had to let everyone know that Johnny was 'a life long smoker."

Does Fox News actually think that Johnny would have lived forever if he didn't SMOKE???

There was NO reason for Fox News to tell the general public that!

[speedy]

And now back to our teatime matinee -- Doris Day, Aldo Ray, Alice Faye and Spot the Wonder Pigeon in "Gidget Gets A Hickey."

[The Clemson Tiger]

CARNAK: Ghotzbadeh...

ED: Ghotzbadeh!

CARNAK: What do Iranian men prefer to women by night.

[Snoopers-868th]

And the best one: Carol Wayne (also deceased).

[An American In Dairyland]

To paraphrase the old country western song:

'You can give up smoking but your still gonna, still gonna, still gonna die...'

[Snoopers-868th]

And even if you are hit by a truck you will have died BECAUSE you smoked!

[SheLion]

'You can give up smoking but your still gonna, still gonna, still gonna die...'

Exactly. Thank you!

[Lonesome in Massachussets]

According to Snopes Palmer's wife was never on the Carson show, however:

Although this legend is apocryphal in the forms cited above, it may have a kernel of truth to it. When Palmer appeared on Tonight Show (now hosted by Jay Leno) on 11 October 1994, Leno asked him about it:

Leno: . . . apparently Johnny said, "Is there anything your wife does to bring you good luck?"

Palmer: No, Johnny said, "Does your wife kiss your balls before you go to play?" and I said, "I don't even go to bed without pajamas."

Leno: I thought that was a tactful way . . . but thanks for getting right to the point. So we cleared that up. That's like a famous one, like Jack Benny's, "Your money or your life . . . I'm thinking it over." I wanted to find out . . . so it is true?

Palmer: There you've got it. And I don't want to hear about it any more.

So, if there is any truth to this legend at all, the "balls" joke was one deliberately made by Johnny Carson, not one that innocently slipped from the lips of Arnold Palmer or his wife.

[My2Cents]

Carnac: "Catch-22."

Ed: "Catch-22"

Carnac (looking at Ed with distain): "May the fleas of a thousand camels nest in your short."

"Catch-22...What do the Los Angeles Dodgers do with 100 pop flies."

[Snoopers-868th]

You could be right. I have the tapes that were sold on the Carson show. I will have to rewatch them because as I recall, it might be there.

[gortklattu]

I found this on another website:

The segment in which Ed Ames threw a tomahawk at an outline of a human target, the hatchet stuck handle up in the crotch and Johnny ad-libbed, "I didn't even know you were Jewish." The Dragnet-style "Copper Clappers" wordplay bit, with a straight-faced Jack Webb. The scared marmoset that crawled onto Johnny's head and peed on him. The near-masochistic recycling of ukulele oddball Tiny Tim, staging his on-air wedding for 50 million viewers. The actor Jimmy Stewart tearing up while reading a poem about his dog. A man who rendered the national anthem by making flatulent noises with his hands. The winners of a bird-call competition. A loaded Dean Martin secretly tipping cigarette ashes into the cocktail of an oblivious George Gobel. An eccentric old lady who presented her beloved collection of potato chips shaped like faces of celebrities -- when Carson munched blithely on a chip, the woman nearly had a coronary, until he revealed a separate bag behind the desk.

http://archive.salon.com/people/bc/2001/02/20/carson/index1.html