Posted on 01/13/2005 4:53:28 AM PST by Jim Noble
A few years ago at a White House Correspondents' dinner, I met a very beautiful actress. Within moments, she blurted out: "I can't believe I'm 46 and not married. Men only want to marry their personal assistants or P.R. women."
I'd been noticing a trend along these lines, as famous and powerful men took up with the young women whose job it was to tend to them and care for them in some way: their secretaries, assistants, nannies, caterers, flight attendants, researchers and fact-checkers.
Women in staff support are the new sirens because, as a guy I know put it, they look upon the men they work for as "the moon, the sun and the stars." It's all about orbiting, serving and salaaming their Sun Gods.
In all those great Tracy/Hepburn movies more than a half-century ago, it was the snap and crackle of a romance between equals that was so exciting. Moviemakers these days seem far more interested in the soothing aura of romances between unequals.
In James Brooks's "Spanglish," Adam Sandler, as a Los Angeles chef, falls for his hot Mexican maid. The maid, who cleans up after Mr. Sandler without being able to speak English, is presented as the ideal woman. The wife, played by Téa Leoni, is repellent: a jangly, yakking, overachieving, overexercised, unfaithful, shallow she-monster who has just lost her job with a commercial design firm. Picture Faye Dunaway in "Network" if she'd had to stay home, or Glenn Close in "Fatal Attraction" without the charm.
The same attraction of unequals animated Richard Curtis's "Love Actually," a 2003 holiday hit. The witty and sophisticated British prime minister, played by Hugh Grant, falls for the chubby girl who wheels the tea and scones into his office. A businessman married to the substantial Emma Thompson falls for his sultry secretary. A writer falls for his maid, who speaks only Portuguese.
(I wonder if the trend in making maids who don't speak English heroines is related to the trend of guys who like to watch Kelly Ripa in the morning with the sound turned off?)
Art is imitating life, turning women who seek equality into selfish narcissists and objects of rejection, rather than affection.
As John Schwartz of The New York Times wrote recently, "Men would rather marry their secretaries than their bosses, and evolution may be to blame."
A new study by psychology researchers at the University of Michigan, using college undergraduates, suggests that men going for long-term relationships would rather marry women in subordinate jobs than women who are supervisors.
As Dr. Stephanie Brown, the lead author of the study, summed it up for reporters: "Powerful women are at a disadvantage in the marriage market because men may prefer to marry less-accomplished women." Men think that women with important jobs are more likely to cheat on them.
"The hypothesis," Dr. Brown said, "is that there are evolutionary pressures on males to take steps to minimize the risk of raising offspring that are not their own." Women, by contrast, did not show a marked difference in their attraction to men who might work above or below them. And men did not show a preference when it came to one-night stands.
A second study, which was by researchers at four British universities and reported last week, suggested that smart men with demanding jobs would rather have old-fashioned wives, like their mums, than equals. The study found that a high I.Q. hampers a woman's chance to get married, while it is a plus for men. The prospect for marriage increased by 35 percent for guys for each 16-point increase in I.Q.; for women, there is a 40 percent drop for each 16-point rise.
So was the feminist movement some sort of cruel hoax? The more women achieve, the less desirable they are? Women want to be in a relationship with guys they can seriously talk to - unfortunately, a lot of those guys want to be in relationships with women they don't have to talk to.
I asked the actress and writer Carrie Fisher, on the East Coast to promote her novel "The Best Awful," who confirmed that women who challenge men are in trouble.
"I haven't dated in 12 million years," she said drily. "I gave up on dating powerful men because they wanted to date women in the service professions. So I decided to date guys in the service professions. But then I found out that kings want to be treated like kings, and consorts want to be treated like kings, too."
E-mail: liberties@nytimes.com
Equals in what sense? Oh, I forgot, this bullsh!t is coming from the Queen of Hating All Things Parental. Mums are only equal to grave diggers or butt wipers.
Jst as a sidebar, mrs. lafroste and I were talking the other night and we agreed that CZJ is one of the most beautiful women we have ever seen.
Shhhhhh......it's our little secret (grin).
There is a difference, as wide as the pacific ocean though between being a strong woman, and being a bitch. The first is never the second, and the second always thinks she's the first.
I saw "Anchorman" last night and in a fantasy sequence the man (Ron) comes home to his wife who is beautiful, wears a revealing dress, has happily been cooking and cleaning all day, and is happy to see him. Of course that's what men want. Women libers are just stupid. They wanted careers, they got them now, and guess what--working sucks.
But Ken dearest, the thing is to run very, very fast so as to tire the guy out......then he's putty in our hands......and will do practically anything for us.
I need to print this to give to my wife. Of course, I may be sleeping on the couch for awhile.
As Dr. Stephanie Brown, the lead author of the study, summed it up for reporters: "Powerful women are at a disadvantage in the marriage market because men may prefer to marry less-accomplished women." Men think that women with important jobs are more likely to cheat on them.
As you know men like to be loved, hugged, waited on, smiled at, cooked for, served a beer, back rubbed and scratched, and just some nice quiet attention.
Some women--the Mo Dowds of this world--are just itching to be bashed. When it comes to her, I step right up to the plate.
That might be excessive, but men definately don't want to marry women who are looking for butlers and income sources. The husband and wife are supposed to each sacrifice self for the new creation that is the marriage. Men want a woman who understands that and wants the marriage more than any other dream she holds. It's not about mommy or man-worshippers. It's about women who aren't totally self-absorbed.
Of course, the man should think that way, too. But this article isn't addressing what women want.
Shalom.
I don't actuallly see anything wrong with this list, except for the "Don't complain if he stays out all night" and the "Keep your place" stuff. The rest just comes pretty naturally from the fact I really love my husband, and being a stay-at-home mom, I actually have time for it.
It is especially important, if the man wants children, for him to select a warm, loving, nurturing, caring woman as his wife rather than a cold, driven, 'me first' kind of woman.
I agree that it happens - far too often - but it is not always the case. Seems to be the women who feel 'threatened' by men who do this.
Bears repeating.
Sounds like the same things women want......I like a guy who can cook, too.
I draw the line at some things.......let him get his own beer.
I know I sometimes feel like my husband's personal secretary, but never his mommy.
I don't think that's all that traditional. In an agricultural society men and women are more like equal partners with differing roles maintaining the family business. Keeping that business going required someone good at working in the fields and someone good at raising the children. They had to do it together or it would fail.
I could be wrong, though.
Shalom.
51 posted on 01/13/2005 5:43:29 AM PST by G Larry (Admiral James Woolsey as National Intelligence Director) [ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies | Report Abuse ]
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- To: glockmeister40
There are two kinds of women out there - sweet or smart. I'll take sweet over smart any day. You left yourself wide open on this one...hahaha.. Bad experiences with smart woman eh? Read a book or take a class.
I am not silly, airheaded, giggly or cutesy......I guess I'll never be married. I'll never be able to cook or clean or do a guys wash, put down that toilet seat or clean up his beard in the sink.....bummer. Oh well...LOL!
52 posted on 01/13/2005 5:43:35 AM PST by zoobee (http://www.mycathatesyou.com) [ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies | Report Abuse ]
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Boy you nailed that one out of the park. Right on cue the very NEXT post too. LOL
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