Posted on 01/13/2005 4:53:28 AM PST by Jim Noble
A few years ago at a White House Correspondents' dinner, I met a very beautiful actress. Within moments, she blurted out: "I can't believe I'm 46 and not married. Men only want to marry their personal assistants or P.R. women."
I'd been noticing a trend along these lines, as famous and powerful men took up with the young women whose job it was to tend to them and care for them in some way: their secretaries, assistants, nannies, caterers, flight attendants, researchers and fact-checkers.
Women in staff support are the new sirens because, as a guy I know put it, they look upon the men they work for as "the moon, the sun and the stars." It's all about orbiting, serving and salaaming their Sun Gods.
In all those great Tracy/Hepburn movies more than a half-century ago, it was the snap and crackle of a romance between equals that was so exciting. Moviemakers these days seem far more interested in the soothing aura of romances between unequals.
In James Brooks's "Spanglish," Adam Sandler, as a Los Angeles chef, falls for his hot Mexican maid. The maid, who cleans up after Mr. Sandler without being able to speak English, is presented as the ideal woman. The wife, played by Téa Leoni, is repellent: a jangly, yakking, overachieving, overexercised, unfaithful, shallow she-monster who has just lost her job with a commercial design firm. Picture Faye Dunaway in "Network" if she'd had to stay home, or Glenn Close in "Fatal Attraction" without the charm.
The same attraction of unequals animated Richard Curtis's "Love Actually," a 2003 holiday hit. The witty and sophisticated British prime minister, played by Hugh Grant, falls for the chubby girl who wheels the tea and scones into his office. A businessman married to the substantial Emma Thompson falls for his sultry secretary. A writer falls for his maid, who speaks only Portuguese.
(I wonder if the trend in making maids who don't speak English heroines is related to the trend of guys who like to watch Kelly Ripa in the morning with the sound turned off?)
Art is imitating life, turning women who seek equality into selfish narcissists and objects of rejection, rather than affection.
As John Schwartz of The New York Times wrote recently, "Men would rather marry their secretaries than their bosses, and evolution may be to blame."
A new study by psychology researchers at the University of Michigan, using college undergraduates, suggests that men going for long-term relationships would rather marry women in subordinate jobs than women who are supervisors.
As Dr. Stephanie Brown, the lead author of the study, summed it up for reporters: "Powerful women are at a disadvantage in the marriage market because men may prefer to marry less-accomplished women." Men think that women with important jobs are more likely to cheat on them.
"The hypothesis," Dr. Brown said, "is that there are evolutionary pressures on males to take steps to minimize the risk of raising offspring that are not their own." Women, by contrast, did not show a marked difference in their attraction to men who might work above or below them. And men did not show a preference when it came to one-night stands.
A second study, which was by researchers at four British universities and reported last week, suggested that smart men with demanding jobs would rather have old-fashioned wives, like their mums, than equals. The study found that a high I.Q. hampers a woman's chance to get married, while it is a plus for men. The prospect for marriage increased by 35 percent for guys for each 16-point increase in I.Q.; for women, there is a 40 percent drop for each 16-point rise.
So was the feminist movement some sort of cruel hoax? The more women achieve, the less desirable they are? Women want to be in a relationship with guys they can seriously talk to - unfortunately, a lot of those guys want to be in relationships with women they don't have to talk to.
I asked the actress and writer Carrie Fisher, on the East Coast to promote her novel "The Best Awful," who confirmed that women who challenge men are in trouble.
"I haven't dated in 12 million years," she said drily. "I gave up on dating powerful men because they wanted to date women in the service professions. So I decided to date guys in the service professions. But then I found out that kings want to be treated like kings, and consorts want to be treated like kings, too."
E-mail: liberties@nytimes.com
When you put it that way it sounds bad!
I dunno... some men really ARE jerks, but many are just misunderstood.
In any case the more discerning/emotionally stable/mature one should take the first step in the relationship toward building up the other in the way they need. (a la Gary Smalley's marriage seminars) There's no sense waiting for someone less able than 'you' (speaking hypothetically) to initiate healthy changes. That's probably why Cyrano went first in our case.
ROFL! Good point!
Who else would try to make their case by referencing fiction, but the "esteemed" dowdster??
I don't dance when no one's watching. Might throw my back out.
Well said.
I suggest we start a prayer crusade - praying that some nice Christian man comes into Maureen Dowd's life and ends these absurd columns in the NYT on modern relationship head games.
Fred is my personal favorite author. I wouldn't call him a moaner, at least not in his web collumns. And yes, american women are quite dangerous to men. What made me a believer was when he exactly described my situation in one of his articles, and I have since learned, in talking with lots and lots of divorced men, he was spot on as to that being mind-bogglingly common to the point of being criminal.
A young man who marries in the US today is asking for it, literally. And the odds are not in his favor.
People change - and the courts enable terribly nasty things.
that being said, Mo Dowd is a bitter, pruned up, old sourpuss skank that can't get over being dumped by Michael Douglas who has a lovely family with CZJ and she has to comfort herself with thinking that CZJ is brainless to be able to live with the outcome : )
carrie fisher had serious problems with alcohol and drugs. Doesn't do much for your looks when you spend years in the bottle. BTW I'm all for plastic surgery. I have a family member who does it for a living.
i figured it was hard living that did it to her. so far i don't need it, and i am Carrie's age. when i am older, hopefully, i will just be reconciled to looking like a bag : )
I've been thinking about this thread a lot since this morning, trying to figure out just why it is that MoDowd will never understand women like me et al, and I might be on to something. She is all about being "fulfilled." When I really thought about that word, I realized something--being fulfilled is a quick fix. It doesn't go anywhere. I am certain that Mo's career is fulfilling.
My career is enriching.
Grin !
Well, that may explain a thing or two. Only one Hollyweird Superboy per lifetime per debutante.
Read "Kook Dowd" tonight and read this whole thread after BUMP!
What I meant was that luck has absolutely nothing to do with a successful marriage. They don't just happen. A successful marriage depends entirely on the commitment that husband and wife share.
BUMP to post. Outstanding.
I am going to take at look at the books by Paul right now.
Broad brushes make a huge mess.
When I married my wife I gave her a gift on our wedding day. It was me. No ifs, ands, or buts. I wasn't perfect, but I was all hers. I decided I would rather die than live without her.
All I wanted was for her to likewise give me the gift of her.
I would not say our marriage belongs in a textbook or on a movie, but we celebrated our 23rd anniversary last month.
Shalom.
Wow, talk about projection. I just saw Spanglish and I came away with an entirely different perception. He doesn't "fall" for his maid, his wife obviously hadn't paid attention to him for years. They have no love life, she treats him like a dog, and is cruel to their daughter about her weight. The beautifal maid shows some interest and kindness to him and he likes it.
Maybe Maureen, what you don't like, is the idea that men should be treated with respect and kindness by their wives. -And you wonder why you don't date!
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.