Posted on 01/04/2005 12:24:26 PM PST by Keyes2000mt
The words were said countless thousands of times last year as a minister concluded the ceremony. "What God hath joined together, let no man put asunder." But so often man and woman do.
While gay marriage has been roundly condemned in most churches (and rightly so), you will not hear much about divorce. In many cases, if divorce is discussed in church, it's talked about as this horrible circumstance that comes upon people, listed in the same breath as automobile accidents or serious illnesses.
The Bible is quite clear on the issue of divorce. Malachi 2:16 says it clearly, "For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that He hateth putting away (i.e. Divorce)..." Hate's a strong word and Christ reiterates this in the New Testament. Yet, in the church, even in Conservative churches, a man is more likely to feel uncomfortable with pierced ear than with a couple divorces behind him.
There's good reason why the church and conservatives are skittish about this topic. There's no one who doesn't know someone who's been divorced. They fill our church pews every Sunday. We know them to be decent folks who agree with us on a lot of cultural issues. Randall Terry, Newt Gingrich, and Rush Limbaugh have all been divorced.
We also know folks who have been victimized by their ex-spouse: abused, cheated on, and treated like dirt. Or, perhaps you dear reader have had a divorce where you weren't at fault and that you didn't choose.
On the other hand, most Christians know very few homosexuals and even less know homosexuals who'd like to get married. The odds of a pastor offending a large tither whose gay and wants to get married is quite small.
To say our current divorce rate is a national sin is not to say that all divorcees are to be condemned and treated as despicable outcasts. The church should be compassionate, but even as Christ said, "Go and sin no more," It must be proactive in dealing with divorce.
Divorce must be taught against strongly in the church. The church as a community should be dedicated to helping preserve the marriages of the church. Strengthening the marriages of believers should be considered as important if not more so than evangelism. Children of broken homes often wander spiritually and in many cases fall from faith. Thus, a large church may win 100 converts, but if it produces 40 broken homes in the same year that leads to 100 angry and embittered children, it is not truly building the Kingdom of God.
Also, church discipline should be used when appropriate for those who divorce without just cause and refuse reconciliation efforts. Watching Cornerstone Television, I saw former NFL player and Pastor of Antioch Bible Church Ken Hutcherson. He organized the Mayday for Marriage rally in Washington, DC opposing gay marriage. Call him anything you like, but don't call him a gay-hating hypocrite. Hutcherson said that in the past year, he'd censured five members of the church, including some for ending marriages without just cause.
The structure of most Protestant Churches is anti-authoritarian and the idea of church discipline is scary to most of us as we've heard horror stories about how cults have abused it. However, desperate times call for desperate measures and a biblical use of church discipline could aid in preserving marriages.
Secular Action
The devastating number of divorces is an area where the interests of church and state collide. Studies have shown that divorces lead to economic problems for states and communities, as well as the long term problems that come from children of broken marriages. It's no accident that the richest states are those with the lowest divorce rates.
The fact is that anyone who finds themselves in a bad marriage made a mistake at one time or another. Half the time, their biggest mistake was getting married in the first place. To prevent these bad matches or to help get the marriage off on a better start, marrying couples should be required to undergo several hours of marriage classes and/or marital counseling from a licensed minister or marriage counselor.
Secondly, no-fault divorce laws must be reformed. Marriage is the most important relationship a person has legally, yet it has all the force and effect of a month-to-month lease thanks to no-fault divorce laws. The laws should be reformed so a no-fault divorce can only be obtained if both parties consent. This would also reduce the court costs associated with issues of custody and division of the property as a no-fault divorce could only be obtained if both parties were agreed on it.
Those who believe in gay marriage have pointed to divorce as an argument against those who seek to protect marriage from same sex unions. I reject the argument that one evil prospering requires that we allow another blow to traditional family values. However, preserving the family is about more than one single issue and if we're going to be serious about it, we have to address all the issues that threaten the survival of the Family.
However, I cannot judge others who do divorce. In fact, I have actually advised other family members, who are trapped in bad marriages, to get a divorce. Because a bad marriage is like a living hell. And anybody who cares enough about a person would never tell that person to "stick out" a marriage gone bad.
Both my wife and I come from broken families. Her parents broke up when she was 10. But my parents decided to stick out their bad marriage "for the kids."
Well I wish my parents had gotten a divorce. Because growing up in that house was a dreadful experience. From the time I was 12 or 13, I wanted to stay out of that house as much as possible because things were so tense and unhappy there. When I was 17, I joined the Marines because I just wanted to get away from that place and I never went back either.
So I will never cast judgment on those who decide to end a bad marriage. I believe that when a marriage is beyond repair, that parents actually have a duty not only to themselves, but to any children they might have, to end that chapter of their life and move on.
Congrats!!!! when are you due?
We'll be married 8 years next month and just have the one. My world revolves around her, but at 44 I am definitely not interested in any more.
Me, either. Geesh. I guess when we renew our vows on our 10th anniversary, I guess we'll FINALLY be married in some folks eyes.
I guess to some, that makes our children illegitimate also. But that's another thread. :)
"IIRC, remarrying a woman after divorcing her once was an abomination also."
By George, you're right about that. Thanks for the correction. The Old Testament says that a man can divorce his wife if he finds some "uncleaness" in her, whatever that means, and she can remarry. If her second husband then divorces her, it would be an abomination for her first husband to take her back...under Old Testament Jewish law.
Of course, for Christians, that law was significantly modified by Our Lord.
"Also, eating lobster is condemned in the Bible because seafood was an abomination:"
Under Old Testament Jewish law, yes. That was changed by Our Lord during his Incarnation.
"Of course, I've heard several pastors say that women wearing jeans are an abomination, quoting the Scriptures"
I think it's pretty clear from context that the "abomination" inherent in that lies in cross-dressing as an expression of same-sex attraction disorder, as when Marlene Dietrich dressed in men's clothing in the thirties. Clearly, women in Southwest Asian regions in which trousers are traditional women's garb are not in violation of that prohibition.
The Western world thought it scandalous for women to wear trousers right up until the 20th century, but I think that was more because of the revealing nature of trousers. In recent years I have seen women in trousers that not only revealed general outlines, or VPLs, but that clearly revealed details of the genitalia. I would say that that is improperly immodest, but not "abomination."
"If you read your Bible, you will find out that the word abomination had a larger application than you implied."
Yes, it is used more widely than I had previously noted. However, I don't find theft, murder, rape, adultery, fornication, or divorce referred to as abomination.
"I got the impression that worshipping idols was the greatest abomination described in the Scriptures"
It is the first commandment, after all. It only stands to reason that rejecting God would be the greatest sin of all.
"since God's chosen people were punished with captivity mainly due to this abomination."
It's also worth noting that the particular idol-worship the Jews encountered in Canaan involved ritual prostitution. While worshipping false Gods violates the first commandment, there was the added element of sexual impropriety as well.
One might speculate that some of the Jews who "worshipped idols" may have done so more to get laid than out of any theological commitment.
ROTFL. I'm afraid to say anything else. Stop the insanity!
Due in June, actually. Maybe we'll get lucky and have a girl this time. Here's hoping!
I've said it before and I will say it again.........You are a good man SamAdams76.
You're right..that's definitely another thread!!!!!
I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!!!!
That's the way I read it and I replied to his rather peculiar post.
I saw that, and thanks. It's kind of galling to see that sort of thing. A back-handed insult, you know?
LOL
Thanks, I appreciate it! :)
Dr. Laura.
oh my.
http://rush_awards.tripod.com/drlaura.html
Sad, isn't it? Jesus taught to love the sinner and hate the sin, but a lot of folks have trouble separating the two. Myself included, sometimes. :(
Come May,I'll be married 38 years and it's the first and only marriage for my husband and myself. But I know that some marriages aren't worth keeping together and to condemn those who are divorced,out of hand,is a far greater sin.
And here, I thought that was just an innocent catalogue! LOL
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