Posted on 01/04/2005 12:24:26 PM PST by Keyes2000mt
The words were said countless thousands of times last year as a minister concluded the ceremony. "What God hath joined together, let no man put asunder." But so often man and woman do.
While gay marriage has been roundly condemned in most churches (and rightly so), you will not hear much about divorce. In many cases, if divorce is discussed in church, it's talked about as this horrible circumstance that comes upon people, listed in the same breath as automobile accidents or serious illnesses.
The Bible is quite clear on the issue of divorce. Malachi 2:16 says it clearly, "For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that He hateth putting away (i.e. Divorce)..." Hate's a strong word and Christ reiterates this in the New Testament. Yet, in the church, even in Conservative churches, a man is more likely to feel uncomfortable with pierced ear than with a couple divorces behind him.
There's good reason why the church and conservatives are skittish about this topic. There's no one who doesn't know someone who's been divorced. They fill our church pews every Sunday. We know them to be decent folks who agree with us on a lot of cultural issues. Randall Terry, Newt Gingrich, and Rush Limbaugh have all been divorced.
We also know folks who have been victimized by their ex-spouse: abused, cheated on, and treated like dirt. Or, perhaps you dear reader have had a divorce where you weren't at fault and that you didn't choose.
On the other hand, most Christians know very few homosexuals and even less know homosexuals who'd like to get married. The odds of a pastor offending a large tither whose gay and wants to get married is quite small.
To say our current divorce rate is a national sin is not to say that all divorcees are to be condemned and treated as despicable outcasts. The church should be compassionate, but even as Christ said, "Go and sin no more," It must be proactive in dealing with divorce.
Divorce must be taught against strongly in the church. The church as a community should be dedicated to helping preserve the marriages of the church. Strengthening the marriages of believers should be considered as important if not more so than evangelism. Children of broken homes often wander spiritually and in many cases fall from faith. Thus, a large church may win 100 converts, but if it produces 40 broken homes in the same year that leads to 100 angry and embittered children, it is not truly building the Kingdom of God.
Also, church discipline should be used when appropriate for those who divorce without just cause and refuse reconciliation efforts. Watching Cornerstone Television, I saw former NFL player and Pastor of Antioch Bible Church Ken Hutcherson. He organized the Mayday for Marriage rally in Washington, DC opposing gay marriage. Call him anything you like, but don't call him a gay-hating hypocrite. Hutcherson said that in the past year, he'd censured five members of the church, including some for ending marriages without just cause.
The structure of most Protestant Churches is anti-authoritarian and the idea of church discipline is scary to most of us as we've heard horror stories about how cults have abused it. However, desperate times call for desperate measures and a biblical use of church discipline could aid in preserving marriages.
Secular Action
The devastating number of divorces is an area where the interests of church and state collide. Studies have shown that divorces lead to economic problems for states and communities, as well as the long term problems that come from children of broken marriages. It's no accident that the richest states are those with the lowest divorce rates.
The fact is that anyone who finds themselves in a bad marriage made a mistake at one time or another. Half the time, their biggest mistake was getting married in the first place. To prevent these bad matches or to help get the marriage off on a better start, marrying couples should be required to undergo several hours of marriage classes and/or marital counseling from a licensed minister or marriage counselor.
Secondly, no-fault divorce laws must be reformed. Marriage is the most important relationship a person has legally, yet it has all the force and effect of a month-to-month lease thanks to no-fault divorce laws. The laws should be reformed so a no-fault divorce can only be obtained if both parties consent. This would also reduce the court costs associated with issues of custody and division of the property as a no-fault divorce could only be obtained if both parties were agreed on it.
Those who believe in gay marriage have pointed to divorce as an argument against those who seek to protect marriage from same sex unions. I reject the argument that one evil prospering requires that we allow another blow to traditional family values. However, preserving the family is about more than one single issue and if we're going to be serious about it, we have to address all the issues that threaten the survival of the Family.
See my post 337...
I don't hold you in contempt because you found your true love. I hold your comments in contempt because you claim not to judge all divorces, while doing exactly that.
I would have not been able to find my true love had I not gotten a divorce from my first husband.
Anyone that would condemn a woman (or a man for that matter) to a life with a physically abusive spouse because divorce is such a grave sin has absolutely no concept of Christianity and is nothing more than a sanctimonious prig.
....if you and your partner are in love and living happily ever after then that is wonderful.
I know I feel truly blessed to have found my someone.
I would never claim to think my love is 'better' in anyway than someone else's just because we are married.
I agree with you.
Some of these selfrighteous sanctimonious souls would have apoplexy knowing that my husband and I were married by a woman judge in a former whorehouse.
And this means.............what????????
husband and I were married by a woman judge in a former whorehouse.
___________________________________________________________
Holy cow! Now that sounds like a good story! LOL
No, dear. I didn't think you thought that your love was stronger than mine and Mr. Ex's. Rather, it seemed you were saying that we weren't "actually" married because we did it in a courthouse, vice a church.
That's all I meant.
"Ever hear of children growing up in abusive situations, who either grow up to be abused, or be an abuser?"
The term "abusive situations" covers too much ground to be useful. If one parent is abusing the children (beyond reasonable spanking, etc.) then it might be necessary to get the children away from that parent as a last resort, if an attitude adjustment doesn't do the trick.
However, unless there is something like that going on, indications are that children do better if the parents don't divorce.
"Gee, let's ask God about that..."
Always a good idea. Do you know what He has said about that?
That someone who abuses a spouse isn't a believer...isn't a Christian...and unless *both* are pleased to live together (highly unlikely if you're getting the crap beat out of you) that there is no scriptural injunction against divorce. In other words, the bible doesn't say that you have to stay married to an abuser.
That is absurd. It is precisely because human beings are uniformly and inevitably fallible that God made divorce a sin. He does not expect anyone to make perfect choices--He just expects us to live with the choices we have made.
"Oh, so it's ok to get knocked around in this life, you'll be rewarded later?"
That is so far removed from the concept I brought up that I don't even see a starting point for discussion.
"Maybe her mom ought to fight back."
Can't say. I don't know anything about their situation. Fighting back might make her situation better, or worse, or might get her killed. However, I will not sit in judgement on a person who has chosen to bear her burdens meekly. That takes a lot of strength.
You sound like you have some serious feelings of guilt to work through. Best of luck to you.
I'm glad I'm not the only one to notice this.
And no,I didn't get married at city hall.But I know quite a few people who were married by a priest,a minister,or a rabbi,who got divorced (at least once) and lots of people who were married by a judge or some other nonreligious person,who have been happily married for a very long time.
What's contemptible,is your smarmy,supercilious,nasty post.
If you are a Christian you are a sinner in your own mind, divorced or not.
I did not ask , nor could I have, and yet He died for me.
When I were powerless and blind he reached into my night and called me by my name.
And then all He asked is that I do the same.
When Jews marry,is that a "mirror image of that between Christ and the church" too? What about Buddhists? LOL
Your more than welcome.
I am just so stunned by these so called "Christians" who are able to sit in judgment of others. Where is the tolerance and compassion? From what I read, it certainly isn't there.
You've certainly offered a lot to think about. :-)
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