Posted on 01/04/2005 12:24:26 PM PST by Keyes2000mt
The words were said countless thousands of times last year as a minister concluded the ceremony. "What God hath joined together, let no man put asunder." But so often man and woman do.
While gay marriage has been roundly condemned in most churches (and rightly so), you will not hear much about divorce. In many cases, if divorce is discussed in church, it's talked about as this horrible circumstance that comes upon people, listed in the same breath as automobile accidents or serious illnesses.
The Bible is quite clear on the issue of divorce. Malachi 2:16 says it clearly, "For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that He hateth putting away (i.e. Divorce)..." Hate's a strong word and Christ reiterates this in the New Testament. Yet, in the church, even in Conservative churches, a man is more likely to feel uncomfortable with pierced ear than with a couple divorces behind him.
There's good reason why the church and conservatives are skittish about this topic. There's no one who doesn't know someone who's been divorced. They fill our church pews every Sunday. We know them to be decent folks who agree with us on a lot of cultural issues. Randall Terry, Newt Gingrich, and Rush Limbaugh have all been divorced.
We also know folks who have been victimized by their ex-spouse: abused, cheated on, and treated like dirt. Or, perhaps you dear reader have had a divorce where you weren't at fault and that you didn't choose.
On the other hand, most Christians know very few homosexuals and even less know homosexuals who'd like to get married. The odds of a pastor offending a large tither whose gay and wants to get married is quite small.
To say our current divorce rate is a national sin is not to say that all divorcees are to be condemned and treated as despicable outcasts. The church should be compassionate, but even as Christ said, "Go and sin no more," It must be proactive in dealing with divorce.
Divorce must be taught against strongly in the church. The church as a community should be dedicated to helping preserve the marriages of the church. Strengthening the marriages of believers should be considered as important if not more so than evangelism. Children of broken homes often wander spiritually and in many cases fall from faith. Thus, a large church may win 100 converts, but if it produces 40 broken homes in the same year that leads to 100 angry and embittered children, it is not truly building the Kingdom of God.
Also, church discipline should be used when appropriate for those who divorce without just cause and refuse reconciliation efforts. Watching Cornerstone Television, I saw former NFL player and Pastor of Antioch Bible Church Ken Hutcherson. He organized the Mayday for Marriage rally in Washington, DC opposing gay marriage. Call him anything you like, but don't call him a gay-hating hypocrite. Hutcherson said that in the past year, he'd censured five members of the church, including some for ending marriages without just cause.
The structure of most Protestant Churches is anti-authoritarian and the idea of church discipline is scary to most of us as we've heard horror stories about how cults have abused it. However, desperate times call for desperate measures and a biblical use of church discipline could aid in preserving marriages.
Secular Action
The devastating number of divorces is an area where the interests of church and state collide. Studies have shown that divorces lead to economic problems for states and communities, as well as the long term problems that come from children of broken marriages. It's no accident that the richest states are those with the lowest divorce rates.
The fact is that anyone who finds themselves in a bad marriage made a mistake at one time or another. Half the time, their biggest mistake was getting married in the first place. To prevent these bad matches or to help get the marriage off on a better start, marrying couples should be required to undergo several hours of marriage classes and/or marital counseling from a licensed minister or marriage counselor.
Secondly, no-fault divorce laws must be reformed. Marriage is the most important relationship a person has legally, yet it has all the force and effect of a month-to-month lease thanks to no-fault divorce laws. The laws should be reformed so a no-fault divorce can only be obtained if both parties consent. This would also reduce the court costs associated with issues of custody and division of the property as a no-fault divorce could only be obtained if both parties were agreed on it.
Those who believe in gay marriage have pointed to divorce as an argument against those who seek to protect marriage from same sex unions. I reject the argument that one evil prospering requires that we allow another blow to traditional family values. However, preserving the family is about more than one single issue and if we're going to be serious about it, we have to address all the issues that threaten the survival of the Family.
Ain't that the truth. What are you doing Saturday night?
Add me. I have a great Christian marriage now...not so in my previous life!
There, there...it's okay. And hey, juries accept pleas of temporary insanity, y'know.
My daughter is in the process of being divorced from a man who is clearly insane. His own parents believe his visitation with their chidren should be supervised for the well being of the children. A few hours worth of classes before they married would not have uncovered the kind of paranoia that calls his innocent wife "The whore of Babylon". He has managed to drag the divorce out for months longer than necessary by firing and then hiring attorneys and starting the whole process from the beginning.
Her father and I are supposting her and the children at great personal sacrifice because this man, with the encouragement of his "pastor", has not paid over $6000 in court ordered support since summer.
What the church and society as a whole does not do is teach young people to be very very choosey in their choice of a mate. A few hours worth of counseling after the wedding is planned is too late.
the her that was put away part means a different woman who was divorced (because she is already a fornicator!) or, in the alternative, she shouldn't be divorced because no fornicating was committed. In which case, she should still be married. oy.
but quite seamless, really.
Some people are late bloomers, have a hard time meeting people, etc. I wouldn't discount appearance though. People can be superficial.
Do you really think it's possible for two people who are emotionally and physically attracted to one another and who are contemplating spending the rest of their lives together to live in the same house together and not have sex? I am not trying to be a smart ass here, I just find that concept insane.
boy, the ping list of us "sinners" is going to be a big one!!!!
Is the one you refer to your third marriage?
My ex is now married to man with lots of filthy lucre. Sad, very sad.
It's easy to say you don't believe in divorce when you are single or in a good marriage.I didn't believe in divorce when I got married either.
I didn't WANT a divorce,I HAD to get a divorce to save my sanity.We are both better off now and so are the kids.
From the first time I saw the lawyer until now I have never regretted it.
OK, but I am still confused. I get the part about the first wife, but what about the husband and the second wife? That's where I am confused. Some say it's a sin, and some don't and I'm not sure how either side justifies their position, because the little Scripture I've seen on it confuses me. :)
LOL Or maybe I'm just dumb.
Why yes, yes it is. Good scorekeeping, matey!
Me too...me too!
2nd wife who was never married seems ok. Biblically speaking, I mean.
That's cool. But what about the husband? Am I trying your patience yet? LOL
"Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery" (Mt. 19:9).
My first ex is now married to a man 14 years her junior. But I don't hold it against her. I'm now married to a wonderful woman who's 16 years younger than I. And, as Groucho Marx so wisely observed, "You're only as old as the woman you feel." ;o)
My only observation on this topic:
I'm in a second marriage, my ex is still living.
My wife's pastor says we're committing adultery.
Ain't nothing like the real thing, baby.
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