Posted on 12/11/2004 8:52:26 AM PST by anniegetyourgun
Tired of the Bragging, Some Try Reality Holiday Letters; 'I Probably Over-Disclosed'
Here's a risk you take when you send out your annual family holiday letter: Recipients might gather in small groups to read it aloud and laugh at you.
That's what happens in a neighborhood in Hillsborough, N.J. Each December, a family that used to live there sends back its annual update, all about the husband's amazing career, the kids' achievements, the wife's terrific life. "The basic theme is 'we're so wonderful,"' says Lou Vaccaro, who in recent years has brought his wife to a neighbor's house for a theatrical reading of the pompous letters.
Meanwhile, in Roseville, Minn., Mia and Glenn McDavid have been writing holiday letters that are far more sobering. Their letters focus on their struggles raising one son with autism and another with learning problems. The McDavids want their letters to be honest appraisals of their lives, but they hold back on the complete truth. "I don't write that I wish we never had kids, although sometimes, like all parents, I feel that way," Ms. McDavid says.
The traditional holiday letter is getting a makeover. Weary from decades of receiving photocopied self-aggrandizement, some people are mounting a backlash against all the bragging and gushing. As a result, divorce, job loss, drug abuse and other less-cheery topics are showing up with greater frequency in these normally upbeat missives. This trend toward "reality holiday letters" is also a response to a broader culture of Web logs, tell-all celebrities and reality TV that makes it more acceptable to air dirty laundry.
John Alexander, a business consultant in Minneapolis, began writing holiday letters in 1983, mostly just updating his career and whereabouts. But a few years back, he felt a need to add a very personal aside in his letter. "My brother had married a woman who did a masterful job of extracting him from our family, so I wrote about that," he says. "I probably over-disclosed." Still, he's not sorry. He wanted people to understand his frustration.
His brother was among the 100 or so recipients, and never responded. "But he's divorced now, and we're communicating better," Mr. Alexander says.
Last year, in her family's Christmas letter, 24-year-old Sarah Budd of Corvallis, Ore., included news of how an ex-boyfriend attempted suicide just after they broke up. He had e-mailed her before taking a drug overdose, and she got paramedics to his home to pump his stomach and save his life. "Rumors travel fast," she says. "I wanted to tell people preemptively."
Many reality letter-writers, however, can't help but sugarcoat their revelations. If Junior's drug problem is mentioned, he's dealing with it courageously. If Grandmom died, she was a magnificent woman and the family is mourning her honorably. If the family dog was given away because the irresponsible kids weren't caring for it, the "beloved" animal is better off at its new home with the giant yard.
Almost all holiday letters are "fraudulent in a sense," says Stephen Banks, a University of Idaho communications professor who studies these letters. He and two colleagues have combed through hundreds of letters, line by line, cataloging recurring themes, such as "clever actions" by kids and "references to family members' good character." Negative aspects of people's lives are almost always portrayed to make them look more virtuous. Culpability is mitigated.
I've received some Christmas letters that I thought for sure had to be parodies; they were so awful.
funny.. I've never felt that way
Sub-theme, "you don't rate a personal note."
Well, I've been getting letters for decades talking about uncle so-and-so's operation, and aunt whoozit's fall down the stairs and 2 wks in the hospital and cousin what-his-name's dog getting run over, so this new "trend" the author's talking about, ain't new to me.
Yep. I somehow ended up on the mailing list of the third wife of my mother's third husband's child by his second marriage. She sent me these typo-ridden letters full of info about people I've never heard of... and she spelled my name wrong every time. I finally wrote her a personal note so full of thinly-disguised insult that she erupted in fury, sent me an e-mail full of foul language and abuse, and blessedly took me off her list.
My family's 2004 was so terrible, I wouldn't even want to write it down much less would anybody want to read it.
That's it exactly.
A throwback to the pioneer days, when news from family and friends came in time delayed lumps, if at all. Considering today's environment of E-Mail/IM/cell phones etc..., the practice of a typed up mass mailing seems contrived and self congratulatory, like some kind of annual "it's all about me" autobiography. Whenever I get one of these, I just toss it.
While I'm not that fond of the annual Christmas letter, I have to admit that it's nice to hear something about what's going on with folks you don't see frequently, if at all.
I do enjoy reading the Christmas letters of friends who have moved to far-distant places. Some I haven't seen for many years, and may never see again, in person. Those folks' letters are a welcome glimpse into their lives.
OTOH, the bragging letters or the tale-of-woe letters I can do without.
My wife and I are sending a letter out this year, because we have moved from California to Minnesota, something a lot of the folks on our Christmas list don't even know yet. The letter talks about our move and offers photos of our new digs. Not bragging, though...our new house is 50 years old and not a fancy place at all.
A few years ago, I parodied those things and sent one to friends saying things like how I started off the year with a whale of a yeast infection and I just kept taking it down from there. It was pretty much a Trailer Park Holiday Letter. I got great feedback and requests to do one of those every year. LOL
I think most people would rather just get a card with a two-line personalized note, and perhaps a family photograph if they are close. If they really cared about your family's ups and downs, they would have already called and found out.
-ccm
funny.. I've never felt that way
Nor have I. Even after losing one son, I value the journey and cherish the experience of my two sons
I'm sorry to hear that. I hope things get better for you.
Come on guy- be a good sport. Your wife is 'making' you do something that is nice to keep families and freinds in touch.
I have done the Christmas letter for 20 years, and the format and theme hasn't changed much. It is about good news, but I try not to brag or preach. I'm an engineer, so don't write pithily or humorously, but I've had no negative feedback and lots of positive feedback. The best part of it, from my genealogist's point of view, is that it provides a running history of our lives. I hope it encourages people to keep in contact.
We send it out with a Christmas card, in which my wife insists on writing 10-20 lines of "personal note" to her correspondents. I just sign our names and enclose the letter to my correspondents, on the theory that I said everything I wanted to say in the letter.
To each their own -- toss it or treasure it.
And then my step-daughter got married. At first, her new mother-in-law e-mailed her and us almost every day with news of what is going on in her (the mother-in-law's) life. Thankfully, it's down to once a week.
Not that I ever read them.
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