Posted on 12/07/2004 6:01:09 AM PST by crushkerry
A day after the biggest upset of the tournament, today's action features some of the most loathsome liberal pundits that come into your home each weeknight, or show up in your papers a few times a week. Nearly all suffer from insufferable self-importance and narcissism.
You'll all be happy to know that you can vote for Maureen Dowd, who based on her last column may be in an institution before Christmas, as well as Chrissy "I Squat to Pee" Matthews, and other plagues of punditry.
Still, the toughest vote of the day is going to be between Tina "The Queen B" Brown and Tom "I'm Kerry's Monica Lewinsky" Oliphant.
To read the best and funniest analysis on today's matches see below.
Tina Brown (#8 Seed) Want to piss off an American? Well, then act just like Tina Brown. First, be a foreign rich b##ch with an aristocratic accent. Then look down your nose at everyone and proceed to be as narcisstic and self-absorbed as only the super-rich can be. What a smug, elitist queen B this one is. Our personal favorite is her article about how a waiter at her dinner party was dumb enough to want to vote for Bush. We can imagine how they mocked this hard working guy between the caviar and champaigne courses. Even more revolting was the Queen of Snots reference to Bob Dole's "bitter old face" and lament that the worst thing about the Swifites was "the steady march of aggrieved sexagenarians across our TV screens." If there was karma in this world she'd go to jail like Leona Helmsley, and become some butch's prison slave. And if you really want to read something to get your blood boiling check out this piece. Heck, when compared to Tina Brown, Martha Stewart looks like Mother Thersa.
Tom Oliphant (#9 Seed) There's something to old sayings. Like the one that says "Never trust a man wearing a bow tie". Well, that's Tom, a columnist for the Boston Globe who has worn out several pair of knee pads from giving John "Crushed" Kerry so many "Lewinskys" over his career - hell he was even there when Kerry threw his medals away - and attacked those who blamed Kerry for it. Like EJ Dionne his snotty, arrogant, "I'm better than you" demeanor reeks of self-importance and probably means he got beat up a lot by cool kids during his school days. During the election Oliphant was downright gleeful at the thought of a Kerry victory, so much so he made these great predictions: He gleefully claimed that Bush's first debate performance would cost him the election. Next, after the VP debate, widely beleived to be won handily by Dick Cheney, he danced on the supposed grave of "Dick Cheney's fading credibility. Even worse, after the election he expressed shock (yea, that's right, shock) that the Republicans "want to actually change things in this country". Gee, you think?
Chris Matthews (#2 Seed) We didn't give this guy, whom we nicknamed Chrissy "I Squat to Pee" Matthews the Elihu Smails Buffoon of the Week Award" for nothing. You all know this former Jimmy Carter and Tip O'Neil staffer can't shut the hell up or see beyond his own myopic, leftist, arrogant point to view. But in the last year or so he has just grown plain mean and nasty, probably from the fact that all his heroes are losers. As examples are his now famous lunatic like attack on Michelle Malkin as well as his shamefully arrogant and maddening interview with John O'Neil. As we've said before, our theory on Matthews is that he has big time guilt about choosing to go into the Peace Corps instead of Vietnam. The man literally kisses the posterior of John McCain, and just about anybody who served in Vietnam (other than the Swifites). He constantly mentions that he avoided the draft by going to the Peace Corps when on with vets. It's almost like he's unburdening his guilt because inside he thinks he's a coward. Thus, the attack on Kerry, a Democrat like him allows him to go through a catharsis on TV when Kerry's war record is attacked. But when offered a chance to go to war, (well sort of) he refused. Zell Miller rightfully put him in his place on national TV by challenging him to a duel and Chris was left a mumbling stumbling buffoon. And be honest, doesn't his consant sneering when using the work "neo-con" make him seem as if he's not to fond of Jewish folk? Not saying it's true, just that he seems to have a visceral hate for "neo-cons".
David Gergen (#15 Seed) We swear this guy would do anything just to be loved by the national media - which means sucking up to Democrats and bashing Republicans. When Bill Clinton was looking for a "token" or "beard" Republican, Gergen was only too happy to join. He was really trying to make his bona fides the night that Zell Miller gave his rousing speech at the GOP convention, saying that it was a "speech of hate" and said Miller was imitating segregationist Lester Maddox. Recently, Gergen's gone further to the left saying that the timing of the Sandy Burglar story was "suspicious" (although one must guess Gergen sees nothing suspicious in sneaking classified documents out in one's BVD's), and is one of the growing band of idiots who are criticizing the President's new cabinet picks for, horror of horrors, thinking like him. At least Matthews, Gergen's opponent let's you know where he stands, wheras Gergen piously claims that he is non-partisan due to serving Republican and Democratic presidents. Get a spine David.
Eleanor Clift (#5 Seed) Screeeeeecccchhhh. We're sure you feel the way we do whenever this classic whiny, know it all lefty is on either McLaughlin Group or a guest on Fox News. There are just so many Clift doozies to choose from, it was hard to pick just one. But we found one we thinks encapsulates the worldview of the Eleanor Clift's of the world. In her mind the biggest story of the war was --- Abu Ghraib, and right after it she advised John Kerry to "come out swinging". There you have it - the biggest story is not the liberation of 30 million - but the abuse by a few people of terrorists. And further, this condescending loon saw the deaths of Uday and Qusay not as a great thing, but as a possible assassination by the US to keep them quiet about WMD's. And only a socialist Bush-hating shrew such as Clift could bemoan the fact that the ideas of a negative eugenist like Margaret Sanger might go away in a Bush administration. There you have the sole purpose for being for the feminist left represented by Eleanor Clift - keep the baby killing legal.
Alan Colmes (#12 Seed) The most well known liberal face on Fox News comes in as a #12 seed. People asked - "Why so low, he's as liberal as they come". This is indeed true, but unlike many of his competitors Alan seems like a gentleman. He's wrong politically on damn near everything, but isn't rude or mean to his guests, and genuinely seems to enjoy intellectual debate, and isn't afraid to be honest. He proved that when he predicted days prior to the election Bush would win., and says critics of Fox News are jealous of their ratings. But come on, anyone whose book includes chapters like "OJ Simpson was Innocent", "Jesus was a Liberal" and "Bill Clinton- Our Greatest President" has to be on this just for sheer stupidity. Sorry, Alan, you seem like a gentleman most of the time, but that's just too much to bear.
Maureen Dowd (#1 Seed) Wow, we didn't think it was possible, but this perpetually dour and sneering hag, who used to date crackheads, actually has gone further off the deep end since attaining this #1 seed, showing herself to be a bitter, angry old troll. Hey MoDo, you can't get any higher than the top seed, so stop trying. What do we mean? Her last article is about how she hates Christmas (does she kick dogs as well) mainly because her male family members did nothing, and that she spent money on boyfriends (some of whom may have pawned her gift for drugs). In the column before that she showed she's indeed the black sheep of the family, as her relatives views appear very sane. But it's not just recent history that this Michael Douglas reject is being honored for in this tourney. It's the years of her elitist, snobby, smarky, too-cute-by-half, GOP hating diatribes. We could give examples all day about her inane, smarky opinions, which are non-sequiters in disguise but to make it easier read these "Immutable Laws of Maureen Dowd" Besides if you don't know why everyone can't stand her, you're hopeless. Dowd is the poster gal for smug spinsters everywhere. Could anyone imagine spending 10 minutes with this shrew? You'd want to jump in front of traffic. So here's to you MoDo you blue stated, self-absorbed (rhymes with witch). But we think Zell Miller's description of her as a "highbrow hussy" is the best description of her ever.
Peter Fenn (#16 Seed) Why is he in here? Probably because we were tired and needed one last name. There were several others who would have been more fitting that this occasional Fox News guest, like Ted Rall (who would've been seeded really high), David Gregory, Howard Fineman and others. We're not going to substitute now, but we admit, this was a poor selection on our part. Sort of like a 5-20 team winning the conference title to get to the Big Dance. Not that Fenn isn't a lefty, but he's just so boring nobody cares about him. What do we have on him? Well, let's see. For a strategist, he's an idiot, saying "The problem that the Bush people have is … they don't want this to be a referendum on George Bush and his four years as president, really. They want it to be a scare campaign focusing on Kerry and now Edwards. The only way they figure they'd win this race is to eviscerate the Democratic ticket." Um, yeah, sure there Peter. But beating MoDo would be akin to the USA beating the Russians at the 1980 Olympics.
McGovern Region
Al Hunt (7th Seed) defeats Robert Scheer (10th Seed) - 70% to 30% - Al Hunt will face Bill Maher (2nd Seed) in Round 2
Dukakis Region
Arianna Huffington (12th Seed) defeats Michael Kinsley (5th Seed) 53% to 47% - Arianna will face Paul Begala (4th Seed) in Round 2
Gore Region
Keith Olbermann (2nd Seed) defeats Jane Whitney (15th Seed) - 96% to 4% - Keith Olbermann will face Janeane Garofalo (7th Seed) in Round 2
Kerry Region
Peter Jennings (4th Seed) defeats David Corn (13th Seed) 73% to 27% - Peter Jennings will face Lawrence O'Donnell (5th Seed) in Round 2
The updated brackets, including first day contests can be found here.
Ping
Contest Ping
Wow! I wish the author would stop straddling the fence and tell us what he REALLY thinks! :)
This should be a very interesting thread . . .
I voted for Gergen for his snootiness and "I'm above it all" mentality over Chrissy, but Mo "Uses Bourbon for mouthwash" Dowd and Clift were no-brainers. I'm holding my vote on Oliphant and Brown for now, because that is a tough choice that needs some thought.
BTW: Ellen Ratner would have been another good pick instead of this Fenn guy. I never heard of him, and Ellen is a true-blue kneepad wearer who promised the Fox and Friends weekend crew she was bringing them a case of champagne the weekend before the election to celebrate Ketchup Boy's victory. They asked if she'd bring a case of Busch beer if he lost, and she welched on them. Typical liberal.
I think you'll get a kick out of this Ping!
Wow, Keith Olbermann vs. Janeane Garafolo.
"Two evenly matched opponents, Bob, I'd say it's a tossup. Each has their own distinct brand of sheer offensiveness, and it's hard to see one having the edge on the other. It should be a barnburner! Whoa doctor!"
Oh, yeah! Maureen Dowd gets my vote!
Looks like Eleanor Clift vs. Susan Estrich in the second round. Battle of the Harpies! Bring your earplugs for this one!
I can't wait to write that one up. And it looks like Maureen Dowd is going to be battling Katie Couric as well. Fun Fun Fun.
That #8-#9 match is tough, but I think that Oliphant wins. You forgot to say that Oliphant's daughter worked for the Kerry campaign, a fact not mentioned in any of his columns over a year period of smearing Bush.
Geez, I wouldn't know how to vote on those bozos. If I were a Nazi I would order their extermination.
Chris Matthews is Final Four material, but Eleanor Clift is still an national menace.
I had to go with HRH Tina, Queen of Snots!I really wanted to vote for Alan Colmes *because* he's decent, but this is a Most Annoying Liberal Pundit competition. And since he's Monica Crowley's brother-in-law, that clinched my vote for Clift.
That Dowd is a loser. After I heard Rush Limbaugh discuss Mo's hating Christmas piece, I couldn't believe that she'd actually advertise in public as to how much of a loser she is.
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