Posted on 12/06/2004 9:12:18 AM PST by MississippiMasterpiece
TOKYO – The Japanese government wants women like Taeko Mizuguchi to get married and start doing something about the nation's plunging birthrate. But she's not interested.
At least, not if her prospective husband is Japanese.
A growing number of Japanese women are giving up on their male counterparts, and taking a gamble that looking abroad for love will bring them the qualities in a partner that seem rare at home. Mr. Right, as the hope goes, is often an American or European, a man appreciative of a wife's career and more of a partner in daily tasks.
"They treat you like equals, and they don't hesitate to express mutual feelings of respect - I think Western men are more adept [at such things] than Japanese men," says the 36-year-old Ms. Mizuguchi, who works at a top trading firm. "They don't act like women are maids - I think they view women as individuals."
Underscoring that Japanese women are losing hope with the local boys, dating agencies to help snag a Western husband have sprung up in Tokyo, some with branches in the US and Europe. Such companies rigorously vet their clients, screening for education, family background, occupation, and life goals.
The kind of women who sign up for such services include doctors, lawyers, and other professionals - women who have delayed marriage to concentrate on careers and who aren't keen to give up hard won gains to become a housewife, as many Japanese men expect.
Japanese women have come to consider traditional marriage roles as "disadvantageous in terms of time resources - they have to carry the burden of domestic chores as well as lose their free time," says Chizuko Ueno, a professor of sociology at Tokyo University.
Normally, married Japanese women have not only to look after their own parents during old age, but also to care for their parents-in-law. When it comes to raising kids, "they can't expect much cooperation from their partner" because of the long work hours required at many Japanese corporations and because of established gender roles that assume that the woman does the child-rearing, Ms. Ueno adds.
A generation of women who are now entering their 30s don't want to give up single life unless prospective partners are willing to break from traditional gender roles.
Government polls conducted to find out why women have put off marriage until well after 25 years of age - known as a woman's " 'best before' date" - show that economic independence is key to the change. As most Japanese women have their own income, marriage is no longer a financial necessity and women want to find companionship in a husband.
That is where Japanese men have come up short. There is "a wide gap in men's and women's attitudes and expectations toward marriage" vis-à-vis traditional gender roles, says Sumiko Iwao, professor of social psychology at Musashi Institute of Technology in Yokohama. For instance, coming home later than your Japanese husband is a no-no.
Having ruled out an old-fashioned Japanese husband, many women here think the solution is a Western man. Indeed, some seem so enthralled with the idea that they are willing to spend thousands of dollars to inspect the wares personally. Of the more than 2,000 women on the books at one large matchmaking agency, about 200 travel to the US or Europe each month to meet prospects.
Sentimental projections have recently been extended to Korean men also, due to romantic Korean soap operas.
In 2003, Japanese women marrying American or British men outnumbered Japanese men marrying American or British women by 8 to 1. The total proportion of Japanese marrying foreigners each year has crept up from around 3.5 percent in 1995 to just over 5 percent. Japanese men are actually more than three times as likely as the women to take a foreign spouse, but this is mostly rural men marrying less well-off Chinese and Filipino women. "Such cases are elderly farmers not popular among young Japanese women," says Yuriko Hashimoto, a local government employee in the remote northern prefecture of Iwate.
To be fair, not all the blame for female angst here can be laid on Japanese men. The government has been slow to enforce equal opportunity laws, and both pay and the glass ceiling in most Japanese corporations remain low for women. Recession has hampered longer maternity leave and other family-friendly policies.
As Japan's fertility rate drops to new lows - at last count it was 1.29, well below levels required for population replacement - the ruling Liberal Democratic Party is anxiously drawing up plans to make it easier for young couples to raise children, through such measures as the provision of cheap public housing.
Mixed marriages in Japan
Japanese men marry: Chinese 10,242 Filipinos 7,794 Koreans 2,235 Americans 156 British 65
Japanese women marry: Koreans 5,318 Americans 1,529 Chinese 890 British 334 Filipinos 117
Source: 2003 Ministry of Health, Labor, and Welfare
ugh.
Sister married to Japanese. She has TONS of money and never cooks a meal. Sister married to Mexican. She owns huge property outside Reno and has a maid. Me? I married an American male. Get to raise my kid by myself because the lowlife won't hold a job. Brother married to an ethnic German. She drank and beat him with a baseball bat. All kinds in the world, pal. You are using a very broad brush.
They will marry you for citizenship. Any illusions you have of women idolizing you is just that....illusion.
That's one of the stinky sides of married life. Just another one of the joys of wedded bliss that no one talks about...lol
Perhaps these women should consider a surrender monkey frenchman who will cheat on them...
You don't that girl is cute??
Looks worth checking into. I'm not sure how my wife would take it though.
I'll take one of the rich ones. :-)
Ungrateful? We are very grateful for kind, supportive, respectful men who see us as a friend and partner and don't see us as a cross between a maid, yard man, blow up doll and bank. In the way of their hanging out with their 'real buddies' and the girlfriend on the side. No surprise, we show them the door.
And when it comes to baggage---- take it from me....while women may have enough to fill a bass boat, most guys could sink the Titanic with their steamer trunks of "Susie, in 9th grade dumped me, and I have NEVER trusted a woman again!!!" Argh. Get over it already, you are 52!
Seems to me that what you speak of above is up to the couple, not you...other people may have differing ideas of what constitutes equality, if that's a concern to them.
I will say, the missing story here is that (not a few) Japanese women have very recently (the last 1-2 years) gone head over heels over...get this...KOREAN MEN.
Unfathomable anytime before the late 1990s.
I must say, there is something refreshing about opening a door for a young Japanese female, and have her express shock at first, and then genuine female (a bit coquette-ish) appreciation, rather than having the door grabbed from me and the (American) female scowl or even, in some extreme cases, spit out "I can handle the door myself!" in a rough, truck-driver lesbianic drawl.
Most guys in the world will appreciate the natural, complementary feminine aspects of women much more than a feigned and competitive masculinity that reeks of deep 'issues' and role confusion.
Again, extreme generalizations here.
Feel a need to control....? You're right. Wrong country for wife hunting.
Sorry, no.
Sure I've seen unglier non-Aisian women, but Asian women have never attracted me for whatever reason.
You try again.
"On the whole" inicates a generalization. "American women on the whole have never been as ungrateful and as hard to please as they are right now," and the problem with the current crop in college is likely to get worse.
If you disagree, name a time in the past when, on the whole, American women were more ungrateful than they are right now.
If I was home right now, I'd crack open a beer, pop some popcorn, sit back and watch the thread. :D
So pretend like you're at home :o)
What do you think they are required to be grateful FOR?
The problem is the definition of "appreciation". I see plenty of unappreciative men out there (and here, apparently) who would never in a million years consider that the little woman at home taking care of the kids is somehow actually "working" or deserving of his help now and again. I know several of my married friends who are basically single parents because hubby is too manly to change a diaper or give a kid a bath. I certainly appreciate my husband and the fact that he does his fair share at home and with the kids, and I tell him so. But some men seem to think unless they're given gold stars every time they put a dirty dish in the sink, they're "not appreciated." One of the most repugnant statements a man can make is when he says "I babysat the kids so she could go shopping." Nevermind the shopping is usually for him or the kids, not herself.
I appreciate beautiful women from all over the world... know what I mean? ;-) (Especially those who have a good sense of humor in their pretty heads):)
You're right, the 'domineering jerks looking for women who ain't uppity' would be nothing without the American green cards that make them bearable.... for a while.
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