Part of the problem, I think, is the expropriation of the word "gay". It used to mean "happy" and "festive"; so there may be a benign-looking lifestyle of acceptance for the otherwise rejected.
When I first found my son dragging up homoerotic images on the computer screen (he left it there, inadvertently), he was a freshman in college, home on vacation. I sat him down and explained to him in no uncertain terms that homosexuality, far from being gay, is full of pitfalls, sadness, despair, doom, disease, and death -- that it is the most cynical and selfish lifestyle out there. He nodded some mute acknowledgment; but proceeded over the 6 intervening years to go off for days at a time.
I now know that he was frequenting gay bars, in a city 4 hours away, when he said he was just being with friends. The other day, he told us he is HIV positive. Why am I not surprised. I tried; my wife tried; but he had way too much reinforcement in the university community -- in the counseling department, in the music department, in the university atmosphere at large, and in the nightlife, much of which is conducive to "it".
It is very sad. Now, the only thing that will prevent my outliving him is the grace of God. You shouldn't outlive your kids, you know.
Am I now more accepting of homosexuality? No; less. I'm actually quite incensed over it. Do I mistreat my son over it? No, I don't think so; but I do tell him that his problem is self-inflicted, even though he disagrees.
I am saying a prayer for you and your son and your wife. Best of luck to you, and it's not your fault.
I'm very sorry to hear of your news. Your son, you, and your wife have my prayers.
My sympathies and prayers are with you. Your story is very similar to that of my now-deceased best friend. We were extremely close most of our lives. He moved to North Carolina and even briefly married another girl we both went to school with. They had a daughter, Rianne. They struggled to make ends meet but seemed happy.
Something happened down there...suddenly he left his wife and was making big bucks as a real estate broker, a job he was not qualified for. He abruptly moved to Oregon and loved it there...he could really wax poetic about Oregon. Now Oregon IS a lovely state, but it's the state where he came "out of the closet", so he and I weren't seeing the same "scenery" when we were looking at Oregon. He stopped talking about his beautiful little girl, too...I didn't push him, figuring the divorce was still too sensitive a subject.
A year later he was HIV positive. He moved back to North Carolina with his equally HIV positive male partner. 3 years later he was dead. His mother and father went through hell. None of us have ever been able to forgive him for the selfishness and STUPIDITY that cut his life so short.
As a side note, so as not to get off the topic of the thread, he was NOT bullied.
I am so sorry. you are in our prayers. This story and other friends who have been caught up in this lifestyle is what makes me so passionate.
Sorry to hear about your son. We do have former homosexuals on the FR forum - perhaps they'll offer some help. I now have a note on my computer to pray for you, your wife and your son.
Do not lose all hope. If it was caught early enough, he may be able to kill off the virius with the new drug cocktails and lifestyle and diet change.
It seemed to work with Magic Johnson.
How very sad and very tragic. I will keep you, your son and your family in my prayers.