Court: Parents May Spank

ctnow.com (Hartford Courant) ^ | November 30, 2004 | COLIN POITRAS

[kidd]

Parents who spank their children as a form of discipline are not necessarily engaging in child abuse, even when they use a belt and leave a bruise, the state Appellate Court has said.

In a ruling released Monday, the judges recognized a parent's right to use "reasonable physical force" to discipline a child. They said that, before citing someone for physical abuse, the Department of Children and Families must take into account the circumstances surrounding the use of corporal punishment.

The judges said the agency's position that any non-accidental injury caused by a parent to a child qualifies as abuse is too narrow and in conflict with state law that allows "reasonable" corporal punishment of a child.

[najida]

And yes, there are a whole lot of sadists out there who call beating, "spanking". My father is one of them.

Yep, that was my dad!

[dmz]

You're spanking a 2 year old BECAUSE he's crying? And you're surprised that the child continues to cry? Did I read that right? I'm hoping not.

[TXBubba]

It seems many people thiking think spanking is out after age 3 or so and that's completely contrary to what I always thought based on what I was like as a kid.

I would say it goes back to the individual child. When the time came that my son was more terrified of going to time out and having to quit playing or watching TV I switched to that. Also, at some point it would be physically impossible for me to spank him. Some moms aren't that strong even if we do work out.

[TalonDJ]

First, never spanking in anger. Oh sure you may be angry but that should not be the REASON for the spanking. The bad behavior should be the reason, not a bad mood on your part. Second remind them of your love afterward. I have watched my brother do this with his kids and it works well. First a kid is crying out of some kind of tantrum, then the spank comes and the cry instantly transforms into a real cry of 'my butt hurts'. Then my brother gives them a hug and says in a soft but stern voice 'do you know why I spanked you?' The crying kid slowly turns into a sniffling kid that nods his head. My brother asks 'why did I spank you?' and the child admits what they were doing wrong (it might take a couple questions to turn 'he would not let me have it' into 'I did not want to share with him').
Every kid is different but I always thought the post spanking hug was a good idea. Not that we always got one growing up. Just enough times that we knew durn well that they still loved us and it was OUR fault we had a sore bottom and not mom & dad's.

[exnavychick]

I have to chime in here, too. I am a mommy to four-count 'em FOUR-very active little boys. All of my boys (minus the 5 month old, of course, lol) have all gone through a period of time where spanking was the most effective deterrent/punishment for their misbehaving. They have also had favorite toys, or activities taken away. I have a kitchen timer I use for time-outs. I have always used different approaches for different ages, personalities and offenses. My new one on the way will likely provide me with different challenges, boy or girl, and I will have to adapt accordingly. The main thing is to provide consequences for their behavior, both good and bad, and I find that works wonders for my family.

[lepton]

Kids vary widely. There is a tendency among boys to just not get it unless there is physical contact involved. Not all, but a notable portion. In some cases it is just the way the brain is wired.

As a minor example, look at the difference between saying something to them, and saying something to them with a hand on their shoulder. This is part of the way certain people are wired.

Some children respond to a look of disappointment, others are tactile.

Sensitivity to pain varies widely as well. Look at the difference between a kid that heads balls in soccer, and one that loses their mind when hit in the face by the ball. The difference is perception far more than damage.

A three year old I knew grabbed the fin cover for an electric radiator. She never cried. She just looked at the blisters with a frown, then went off to play. She favored the hand, but that was it, so we don't know precisely when she did it. But if she fell down with her mother in the room, she would bawl up a storm.

Anyone that suggests that there is one technique to discipline all kids is simply an ignorant fool. They are all individuals with family traits.

[hobbes1]

Does making said child wear underwear on its head count as abuse?

You're only allowed to do that if they pooped or pee-weed in it.

[Prime Choice]

Maybe you should have carried out a simple experiment on that Bleeding Heart Liberal by spanking it...

I would have, but I could be sure where that butt had been...seriously.

[VRWCmember]

But really, only trash hit their kids.

I guess you don't distinguish between "spanking" and "hitting"? (Those who understand proper disciplinary use of spanking are aware of the difference)

[beezdotcom]

You know, I once carried my screaming, kicking, wailing two year old through a mall and to the car to spank him because I was afraid I would get reported for abuse. I could have ended his tantrum immediately with one swat on his bottom if I wasn't a big chicken. His Dad probably would have just done it and been done with it. Wish he had been with us that day.

You did the right thing. I once stepped to the defense of a dad who spanked his child in the parking lot, when a couple of do-gooders called the police and blew the whole thing out of proportion.

It was a vigorous spanking, in response to a 5 year old tearing away from the dad's grasp and running across a busy parking lot. However, it was far from the abuse that these do-gooders portrayed it to be. Had I not been there to give MY eyewitness report (and I had a MUCH more clear view of it) this dad would have been taken to jail.


(As an aside, I'm always amazed at those fence-riders who will grudgingly "allow" spanking with a bare hand, but freak whenever some sort of implement is used, like a switch or a belt. What they fail to realize is that a bare hand is probably MORE dangerous, because it weighs more and is more likely to cause deep bruising rather than surface stinging. Do the physics: a light swat with a switch has far less mass x velocity than a big meaty hand connecting and jarring the child near the base of the spine.)

[TalonDJ]

'too old'? hehe glad you have such a gem. I was 'too old' when spanking no longer hurt much. I shutter to think how I would have turned out if my parents had spared the rod. It would not have been pretty. Ah, who am I kidding? I an't pretty anyhow.

[MaineRepublic]

I had that experience too. I remember being threatened with a belt beating if I didn't get at least a B in all my subjects in 3rd grade. When I missed one (a C in Conduct) I remember getting so scared to bring the report card home I started throwing up in school. I became a hysterical wreck waiting for my Mother to get home. The only thing that prevented me from getting the beating of my life was groveling and crying at my Mother's feet to not hit me.

I swore that my own kids would never experience that.

[najida]

You're spanking a 2 year old BECAUSE he's crying? And you're surprised that the child continues to cry? Did I read that right? I'm hoping not.

OK, what is up with that? I have see it happen more than one time in my life. "If you don't stop crying, I will give you something to cry about!"

WTF?

[diamond6]

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Oiiieeee

I'm not posting here anymore. People keep misreading my posts.

I was only asking one question. It wasn't an important one, just out of curiosity.

I don't spank my child because he is crying. In fact, I rarely spank him, and only do so if he is misbehaving despite my warnings.

[Sloth]

I was simply asking how that one parent could spank her child and not have the child cry, thats all.

TXBubba didn't claim the child wouldn't cry; the context was a *tantrum*, where the child is deliberately acting up, screaming, etc.

[TXBubba]

Totally agree. We always ask our child why they were spanked or why they had a time out. They have to acknowledge their behavior. Then we tell them we love them. It is interesting when they try to go with the line "well, so and so made me do it." That isn't an acceptable answer.

[TalonDJ]

One time my mom hand nothing handy but a flimsy wood rule that broke instantly. I had a heck of a time looking remorseful and trying not to laugh.

[fredhead]

I agree. My fifth grade teacher (in 1970) had a paddle she kept on the chalk tray. It had an applique on it that showed a little boy in knickers and little girl in petticoats, bent over, and the words "Never spank a child in the face, Nature provides a better place."

I remember it because I received it's discipline numerous times. That was the treatment for a hyperactive kid. Now we don't spank them, we drug them. Instead of teaching them to control themselves, we rely on Ritalin and other drugs to mellow them out. Wonder why there is a drug problem with the kids today?

I now have a 3-year old. There is no reasoning with her most times. But now, all I have to do is raise my hand, and she minds (most times).

[Canticle_of_Deborah]

I swore that my own kids would never experience that.

Me too.