Posted on 11/28/2004 9:53:36 AM PST by sinkspur
Once a party girl, teen mother struggles to raise quadruplets
Amanda Davis was 17 when she met Jimmy Calabrese. He was 27 and married. They shared cigarettes and a passion for NASCAR. Amanda was at a low point in her life, and he "filled in the empty place. If I wasn't with him, I was thinking about my life and how I messed up." Within two months, she was pregnant. Now Jimmy doesn't visit much or pay child support. Her mother lives in Denver. Her father is in jail. Amanda's salvation is her 61-year-old grandmother, Connie Franklin. Everyone, family or not, calls her Granny.
Amanda and Granny sit on opposite ends of the couch, each holding a baby. Amanda leans forward, rocking Lexi gently but quickly back and forth. Granny lays her head back, closing her eyes and patting Abby.
"I wish someone would give me a bottle and put me to sleep," Granny says to no one in particular. Today, she stole a few minutes to wash her long red hair. She never got a chance to brush it.
(Excerpt) Read more at dallasnews.com ...
First illegitimate child - mandatory Norplant implant and "probation"/counselling.
Second illegitimate child - mandatory tubal ligation.
100% agree.
If she applies for State benefits, she will have no choice. The Texas AG will file a lawsuit against him to establish paternity and get court ordered child support. They don't need her permission. In my opinion he should be in jail for statutory rape. The Texas AG is required by law to refer these types of cases to the local District Attorney if the mother was a minor when impregnated. Most DAs don't want to prosecute these cases b/c the women won't cooperate. Another problem with these cases is that these young mothers are showered with gifts and attention, probably for the first time in their lives. It makes them feel special and only encourages them to have more children. I don't feel they should be given a scarlet letter, but throwing them a party is the wrong thing to do.
As do I. I see far more than I ever wanted to see.
Oh puuhhhleezzzzzzzz.
It may be only 'dummycrats' who have abortions...but after 40 millon pre born babies have been murdered in America.... It is America who will pay...For if America does not repent and get back on the track our Founding Fathers set us on...we are all going to be in the kill zone of the big one...
When God's time of patience has ended...(the Chant of "Four More Years" may have been more prophetic than many have thought)
Republicretes Dummycrats Independolts alike
imo
We are on the same page in a lot of ways, I think.
I just think the state should be more aggressive in going after these guys once the dye is cast. Prevention first, deterrence second, then .... boom.
Ten years of that and they would start getting the message.
BTW, I meant "intrafamily" not "interfamily." Typing too fast ;)
I figured as much.
I don't feel they should be given a scarlet letter, but throwing them a party is the wrong thing to do.
I don't either, and I sincerely doubt that she feels life is one big party at this point. Even the most naive woman eventually gets the message. It's a matter of when.
My point is that we mainly focus mainly on the women, and far too many of the men simply don't feel the weight of their responsibility until years later.
The process should start prenatally, and have lots of teeth, imo. We also need to do a lot more educating about consequences to the male then we are. Again, my opinion.
As an aside: sinkspur, thanks for starting a great thread !
;)
In your case load of girls have been pregnant way too early and seem to be looking for a man to fill that 'empty space', have you seen any of them with caring fathers of their own?
My premise is that it isn't as much the mothers of these girls who are letting them down as it is their own fathers. Without the love of a father, a girl will try to find that love elsewhere.
I said "Hey, listen, Fat Man
I just can't get a break
Must I pay my whole life long
For just one mistake?
"My brother's in the armed forces
My sister is in jail,
Won't you give me fifty dollars
So I can pay her bail?"
He said "You Can't Fool The Fat Man
No, you can't fool me
You're just a two-bit grifter
And that's all you'll ever be.
--- You Can't Fool The Fat Man, Randy Newman
I think it is the family dynamic and the fact that solid, stable, two-parent families have become the exception. Many single parents are able to find healthy ways to compensate for the lack of the other parent, but it is never ideal. Children are being raised by day care centers and public schools, which are all too often more part of the problem than of the solution.
There are no easy answers. Those who know right from wrong need to be an example and teach as much as we can, but until there is real change in the hearts of people, I don't foresee things getting any better in the near future. A lot of the children I see having children came from parents who had no parenting either. These kids have all kinds of problems. Many never developed properly in the first place because their basic needs were never met. Many have attachment disorders because they never bonded with their parents. Child neglect has far-reaching consequences, but all too often, society's solution is to put a bandaid on it. No one is willing to confront the root causes because that would fall under "moralizing" and "judging." Well, some behaviors SHOULD be judged.
No, Amanda thought she was at a low point in her life. Now, Amanda is really at a low point in her life.
Nope, she's not there yet. She still has the checks coming in, she still has granny, and she still sleeps with Jimmy on occasion.
The checks will stop, granny will be less help, and Jimmy will be gone. And how many kids will she have at that point?
She's headed for homeless and her kids in foster care.
I don't think we can stop this kind of behavior until we get really draconian - no help for single mothers at all. If they can't afford the child, give it up for adoption.
Nothing draconian about it. In fact, it is draconian for society if we let this crap continue. And the state should be the one on Jimmy's ass to provide support.
"No one is willing to confront the root causes because that would fall under "moralizing" and "judging." "
You are so right. I'm watching this happen right across the street. Unmarried mom with 2 kids...boyfriend's a live-in. (some say he's the father) They physically abuse eachother, police arrive, kids are hysterical, etc. etc. I'm new in the neighborhood and to hear the neighbors describe this behavior is unreal. They dance all around it.....but won't JUDGE. Oh, they might judge the boyfriend, but NEVER the stupid mother. "Poor thing" etc. etc. Just but one example.
Some women need download restrictions.
In Florida, the State would go after Daddy just as soon as she asked for welfare. If he did not pay, they take his car and his driving license.
BC does not always work and should NOT be relied upon by teens who are definitely unable to provide for offspring. BC is fine for adults who realize that it might fail and are prepared for that eventuality.
As for abstinence, these unsupervised kids don't even have anyone who cares about them patiently and forcefully telling them why it will be far better for them to keep it in their pants. Instead, the people they most respect (best friends, rap stars) are telling them to do it all night. Abstinence doesn't stand a chance in that environment. And no one cares enough in their families to even make it a POINT to encourage abstinence. How could they? I see these kids at the malls or shopping areas. No parent is in sight.
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