Posted on 11/25/2004 2:22:32 AM PST by kjvail
Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes them and sells you the milk.
Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Democracy: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point that you must sell them both in order to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow which was a gift from your government.
DEMOCRAT You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. Barbara Streisand sings at your birthday party.
REPUBLICAN You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?
SOCIALIST You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
COMMUNIST You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.
AMERICAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.
FRENCH CORPORATION You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch and drink wine. Life is good.
JAPANESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
GERMAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
ITALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good.
RUSSIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You have some vodka. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. The Russian Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
TALIBAN CORPORATION You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two. You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts. Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in the hospital.
IRAQI CORPORATION You have two cows. They go into hiding. They send radio tapes of their mooing.
POLISH CORPORATION You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.
FLORIDA CORPORATION You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best-looking cow.
CALIFORNIA CORPORATION You have millions of cows. Most are illegals. Arnold likes the ones with the big tits.
The last one re: California is one I had not seen before this rendition of this oldie...
ARKANSAS CORPORATION: You have one bull. You buy a cow from Illinois and send the both of them to Washington. However, the bull is only interested in other cows and the cow from Illinois gets pissed and moves to New York.
The cow seems to like other cows also. That is one weird couple. I am glad that they moved on to greener pastures. The people of Arkansas have had enough trouble over the years.
CALIFORNIA CORPORATION You have millions of cows. Most are illegals. Arnold may like some of the cows, but your bulls don't like any of them and want to move to San Francisco.
This is udderly hilarious.
I first saw this back around 1995, but it's still funny. Originally, the American Capitalism one was called Hong Kong Capitalism and there was one called Surrealism that involved a giraffe and harmonica lessons, but I forget how it goes.
For the Taliban cows, shouldn't they be at a wedding party or at a baby milk factory?
The last one is a real hooter............groan
CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
You have millions of cows.
They make real California cheese.
Only five speak English.
Most are illegals.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.
DEMOCRAT: You have two cows, one is a bitch but gets elected senator in NY, you lie about having sex with both of them.
or
DEMOCRAT: You have two cows, one is a bitch but gets elected senator in NY, the other one is your sex partner.
MSM - You have two cows. Dan Rather shoots clandestine video of your farm and claims you are abusing them. PETA stages a demontration that garners coverage from MSNBC and prompts outrage from millions of viewers. The heat from the video lights freaks out the cows and they stop giving milk. Chris Matthews says you deserved it. Reuters runs a photo of you administering medicine to your cows and in the caption writes that you are beating them. Ananova claims you have married both of them.
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