Posted on 11/24/2004 1:16:34 PM PST by Capitalism2003
American Liberals Sneaking Across Border Into Canada
Author Unknown 11-24-4
The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada Has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration.
The re-election of President Bush is prompting the exodus among Left leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray and agree with Bill O' Reilly.
Canadian border farmers say its not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night.
I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?"
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields.
Not real effective," he said. The liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't give milk."
Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals Near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves.
A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrolman said. I found one carload without a drop of drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though."
When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often Wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about the Bush administration establishing re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR.
In the days since the election, liberals have turned to sometimes ingenious ways of crossing the border.
Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers.
If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, We get suspicious about their age," an official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are Creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon movies.
I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just cant support them," an Ottawa resident said. How many art-history majors does one country need?"
In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice President Dick Cheney met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the administration would take steps to reassure liberals, a source close to Cheney said.
We're going to have some Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. And we might put some endangered species on postage stamps. The president is determined to reach out."
Yes, but if we sent American liberals to Canada, then we would raise the average IQ of both our countries.
No offense to you personally, of course.
My cup truly runnith over.
*Wipes away tears of joy*
It is everything I ever dreamed it could be. They're leaving!
"Yes, but if we sent American liberals to Canada, then we would raise the average IQ of both our countries." Well said. LOL.
I'm going to print this out and share it with my lefty relatives today...mwahaha ;)
On another thread, there was a list of the top 10 things to say to annoy liberals, incl. "Your papers, please" and "Are you going to Bible Study tonight? You know it's now mandatory."
You can say these four things to annoy any liberal:
Work hard!
Pray Hard!
Take responsibility!
Be Successful!
Here's another thing to say to a liberal: Get your damn hands out of MY pockets!
While wearing panties on their heads! LOL!
"Would that it were so, Larry."
This is GREAT. cc:Rush
One of the clueless DUers didn't understand why Unitarians were included.
That would be understandable for FR people, since probably none of this forum belong to that whacked-out left wing cult.
During the Vietnam era I was invited to a Unitarian church. Once I entered the threshold the anti-American propaganda was so thick I thought I was in Hanoi.
(and, btw, Unitarian girls are easy ;-) )
Very funny post, I wish progressives and democrats were as goofy as all that. I suspect that believing in their beliefs as much as any republican they will just fight harder. After all, the best of them are patriots however misguided they may seem. I really loved the part about Rush on the loudspeakers to frighten them off. LOL
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.