Everything from the Bible up proves everyone is gay. Adam and Steve? HoMoses? All gay. Didn't you get the memo?
I'm sure you've heard that the Alexander the Great portrayed in Ollie Stone's new movie is gay. Turns out that every single leader, politician, king, and member of any aristocracy of any culture was gay, as well. The common people were all gay too, they just didn't admit it.
Even Richard Simmons?
Man...that's a lot of freakin' closets!