Help lines hear Thanksgiving horror tales

modbee ^ | 11-19-04

[LouAvul]

..........snip............

Mary Clingman serves as director of the Butterball Turkey Talk Line in Downers Grove, Ill. It expects to take more than 100,000 inquiries through Christmas.

Some past callers stand out.

"We got a call from a guy last year whose turkey wouldn't fit in his pan. He wrapped it in a towel and stomped on it until it did," Clingman said.

Another caller cut a turkey in half with a chain saw, then worried that oil on the saw might have transferred onto the turkey. A woman in Colorado who left her turkey outside to keep it frozen realized she couldn't find it when more snow fell.

And one phone call began: "You don't know anything about kitty litter, do you?" Clingman said a woman called after her husband poured kitty litter on the bottom of a new grill in hopes of absorbing drippings. Fortunately, the grill hadn't been lit yet, so the turkey was pulled off and cooked more conventionally, she said.

Kathy Bernard with the U.S. Department of Agriculture's Meat and Poultry Hotline in Beltsville, Md., said a caller last year wanted to make her bird inside a roasting bag, but didn't have one, so had improvised.

"She pulled a dry cleaning bag off her husband's suit, and it melted onto the bird," Bernard said.

[uglybiker]

Thanksgiving horror story:

It's Thanksgiving
The stores are all closed
And I'm all outta ketchup!!

(And Ta raaaaa za won't answer the phone!)

[7.62 x 51mm]

Yep, he's the one.

[ErnBatavia]

Years ago, when my baby sister was about 16, I volunteered to bring the family toikey, all prepped and ready to go, down to Mom's house early enough for the cooking, etc.

To have some fun, I took the "individual turkey" box it had come in, and stuck in one frozen Cornish Game Hen before I got there and told little sis that I hoped this was going to be big enough.

She had a problem with me for the rest of the day, even though I pulled the real deal out of the car after my joke.

[Feiny]

That was funny....why would she be mad?

[asgardshill]

Mom never had a second's problem with her turkeys, but she DID almost blow the roof off the kitchen one year. Whole potatoes, big pressure cooker, stopped-up pressure release valve ... I think you know where I'm going with this.

The resulting hole in the ceiling plaster was almost perfectly round, with a handle-shaped protrusion. The lid almost made it through the shingles on the outside, leaving a perfectly lid-shaped lump in the roof.

The capper? Dad looked at her after he stopped laughing and said, "Dear, I know you wanted me to put in a skylight, but geez ..."

[Feiny]

forget it.....I just read that was 16....

[boomop1]

Glad for the happy ending, it could scaled you. I used mine tonight and hit the cold water in the sink when it starts rumbling then the pop-it goes down it, open lol.

[marmar]

Wow.......you guys are bigger heroes then I realized. You are put thru hell and don't even get to eat real turkey. It just saddens me a little......all troops deserve to be treated well. I guess you have made up for that turkey leg many times over.......Thank you for your service, then and now.............

[Chipper]

The capper? Dad looked at her after he stopped laughing and said, "Dear, I know you wanted me to put in a skylight, but geez ..."

That is hilarious!!!!!

[Happygal]

Ye know, I thought I was bad.

Turkey cooking duties at Christmas fell to me, after my Mam died.

I'm probably one of the worse cooks in the world, but I've yet to ruin a turkey dinner.

...we won't mention the time I nearly stuffed the bird without removing the giblets.

[Happygal]

You have to cut up spuds before you boil them?

Oh! New one on me! *LOL*

[ErnBatavia]

:)~

It was the first year that she was "going to take charge"....she's over 40 now, and still...er, um...remembers the instance!

[isthisnickcool]

My cousin was making a cake once. He had the stuff in a mixing bowl. Eggs, cake mix, etc.

He reads "mix by hand" on the box and of course he sticks both hands in the bowl and away he mixes.

Yuk..

[reagan_fanatic]

“It's a helicopter, and it's coming this way. It's flying something behind it, I can't quite make it out, it's a large banner and it says, uh - Happy... Thaaaaanksss... giving! ... From ... W ... K ... R... P!!

No parachutes yet. Can't be skydivers... I can't tell just yet what they are, but - Oh my God, Johnny, they're turkeys!! Johnny, can you get this? Oh, they're plunging to the earth right in front of our eyes! One just went through the windshield of a parked car!

Oh, the humanity! The turkeys are hitting the ground like sacks of wet cement! Not since the Hindenberg tragedy has there been anything like this!”

[aberaussie]

bttt

[Boazo]

Isn't that priceless!

[notpoliticallycorewrecked]

LOL. My MIL fries EVERYTHING.

She never met a frying pan with oil that she didn't like.
Eggs are cooked in about 2 inches of grease.

Right after I married her son, she fried a roast for dinner one night. When she makes spaghetti, after she adds the noodles and sauce together, then lets it sit for about an hour. Then no lie, she adds a big glob of oil to reheat it, so it doesn't stick to the bottom of the skillet.

For our first married Thanksgiving we were invited up for dinner. She had a foil wrapped pressed Turkey roast, instant potatoes, Stove Top stuffing mix, and a green salad that she actually made. She served the finest Spinada that you could buy. I was waiting for them to hand around a bottle of Thunderbird.

That was the last Holiday meal that we have shared that she has cooked. I have done Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner at my house, or I do the cooking at her house for the past 23 years. She was amazed that I make a 20+ lbs turkey, fresh mashed potatoes, homemade stuffing, fresh steamed veggies, a few casseroles, and huge salad, with rolls and a variety of beverages. Dessert is either homemade pumpkin or apple pie served w/ coffee.

Needless to say my husband thinks that I am a gourmet cook.

[notpoliticallycorewrecked]

Only if it has been cooked.

You shouldn't refreeze any meat unless it is cooked.

So if you defrost a raw chicken, you can cook it, then freeze it again. But you cannot defrost a cooked chicken, make it into a recipe and then refreeze it.

[VOA]

Help lines hear Thanksgiving horror tales

I've been waiting for Osama bin Laden to release his "now you Americans
are going to get it for re-electing Dubya" tape.

Something like this...
OBL: "American, now I will make you pay...I will do NOTHING to interfere with
Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hannakuh (sp?) or New Years. That's right, you're going
to have to endure all those endless, akward hours with weird relatives and
annoysome houseguests. You may have to drive hours on ice-slick roads to
pick up a guest at that airport 100 miles from your home!
And you American will eat until your bellies burst!
All these curses and many more shall fall on you Americans...because Allah Wills It!"

[TruthNtegrity]

No turkey story to add but I did cook kidney beans in the pressure cooker after discovering I was out of the canned type for chili. Forgot to put in the oil to keep the foam down. Took me a week of standing on a step-stool to get them off of the ceiling. It was not pretty.