Posted on 11/15/2004 9:39:24 AM PST by Reaganesque
IN CONGRESS, November 3, 2004
The unanimous Declaration of the eighteen blue States of America
When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for the beautiful people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with fly over country and to assume among the powers of the earth, the high and exhalted station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God (Gaia, not the Christian or Jewish one) entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation and we will try to use small words so all the rest of you can understand us.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all sexually non-specific persons are created equal (just some more than others), that they are endowed by their Creator (if you believe in that sort of thing) with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, the pursuit of Happiness, privacy, abortion, same sex marriage, a living wage, and condoms for all but no guns, we don’t care what the Constitution says. --That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among sexually non-specific persons, deriving their just powers from the consent of the Judiciary, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends (i.e. the election of a smelly Republican), it is the Right of the Beautiful People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government with a couple of gorgeous throw rugs and window treatments that are to die for, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness at that given moment in time. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes such as national security, “family values” (gag) and anything that even resembles traditional, religious values; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations (read: elections that we lose), pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security. --Such has been the patient sufferance of these Blue States; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present President of the United States is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations (again read: elections we lose), all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to the UN.
He has refuted the Kyoto Treaty, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.
He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, such as an increase in the minimum wage, the meanie.
He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, like in the 2000 and 2004 elections where he stole the election and disenfrachised minority voters!! Don’t ask us for proof, we just know it happened.
He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from their mansions, yachts and country clubs, for the sole purpose of making us actually resolve issues rather than drag them out so as to keep them as a wedge issue in the next election. (see minimum wage).
He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of the UN.
He has affected to render the Military fully trained and well equipped.
He has not combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws.
For passing NAFTA:
For cutting Taxes without our Consent:
For depriving us in many cases, of the benefit of having a bazillion Trial Lawyers suing to determine the outcome of the election:
For not transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences by the International Tribunal Treaty:
He has plundered Iraq’s seas, ravaged it’s Coasts burnt their towns, and destroyed the lives of their people so his buddies at Halliburton can grow rich and drive yucky SUVs.
He is at this time transporting large Armies of conservative Legislators and judges to compleat the works of death, desolation, and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & Perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.
He has constrained our fellow Citizens to bear Arms for their Country, to become the executioners of terrorists or as we call them, “oppressed insurgents”.
He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us (again, elections we don’t win), and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Red-Neck Savages whose known rule of warfare, is to vote for the person who promises beer in every cooler and NASCAR on the TV 24/7.
In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms, if you overlook our cracks about the Red States being filled with “right wing, hate mongering, fascist, religious zealots”. We’re still not sure why you’re actually upset about that.
Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury (ibid; losing elections). A Prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.
Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our Red State brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their “people” to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of our superior intellects. We have appealed to their inbred naivete and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred. to disavow these usurpations, which would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity (reason, for those of you in Rio Linda). We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.
We, therefore, the Representatives of the Blue States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world (Kofi Anan) for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the Beautiful People, solemnly publish and declare, That these Blue States are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States, that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the Red States of America, and that all political connection between them and the Red States of America, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War on Poverty, conclude Peace contract Alliances as long as the UN approves, establish Commerce so long as the unions approve, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. --And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Johnnie Cochran, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor so long as it is convenient for us.
George Soros
Jeanine Garafalo
Barbra Streisand
Bruce Springsteen
Al Franken
Bono
Chris Rock
Dan Rather
Ted Koppel
Peter Jennings
Al Hunt
James Carville
Paul Begala
Hillary Clinton
Bill Clinton
Danny Glover
Whoopi Goldberg
Margaret Cho
John Stewart
You get the idea,
All the important people...
Forgot about him. Oops.
bump
wonder how it looks printed in "French Script"? You also left off; Kerry, Kennedy, Edwards, Feinstein, Franks, Pelosi, Norton, Rangel, Conyers...... (this could be fun)
Thanks for making my day
BUMP
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