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Michael Moore finally speaks
MichaelMoore.com ^ | Nov. 5th, 2004 | Michael Moore

Posted on 11/04/2004 9:32:38 PM PST by Validus

Friday, November 5th, 2004 17 Reasons Not to Slit Your Wrists...by Michael Moore

Dear Friends,

Ok, it sucks. Really sucks. But before you go and cash it all in, let's, in the words of Monty Python, “always look on the bright side of life!” There IS some good news from Tuesday's election.

Here are 17 reasons not to slit your wrists:

1. It is against the law for George W. Bush to run for president again.

2. Bush's victory was the NARROWEST win for a sitting president since Woodrow Wilson in 1916.

3. The only age group in which the majority voted for Kerry was young adults (Kerry: 54%, Bush: 44%), proving once again that your parents are always wrong and you should never listen to them.

4. In spite of Bush's win, the majority of the Americans still think the country is headed in the wrong direction (56%), thinks the war is a mistake (51%), and doesn’t approve of the job George W. Bush is doing (52%). (Note to foreigners: Don't try to figure this one out. It's an American thing, like Pop Tarts.)

5. The Republicans will not have a filibuster-proof 60-seat majority in the Senate. If the Democrats do their job, Bush won't be able to pack the Supreme Court with right-wing ideologues. Did I say "if the Democrats do their job?" Um, maybe better to scratch this one.

6. Michigan voted for Kerry! So did the entire Northeast, the birthplace of our democracy. So did 6 of the 8 Great Lakes States. And the whole West Coast! Plus Hawaii. Ok, that's a start. We've got most of the fresh water, all of Broadway, and Mt. St. Helens. We can dehydrate them or bury them in lava. And no more show tunes!

7. Once again we are reminded that the buckeye is a nut, and not just any old nut -- a poisonous nut. A great nation was felled by a poisonous nut. May Ohio State pay dearly this Saturday when it faces Michigan.

8. 88% of Bush's support came from white voters. In 50 years, America will no longer have a white majority. Hey, 50 years isn't such a long time! If you're ten years old and reading this, your golden years will be truly golden and you will be well cared for in your old age.

9. Gays, thanks to the ballot measures passed on Tuesday, cannot get married in 11 new states. Thank God. Just think of all those wedding gifts we won't have to buy now.

10. Five more African Americans were elected as members of Congress, including the return of Cynthia McKinney of Georgia. It's always good to have more blacks in there fighting for us and doing the job our candidates can't.

11. The CEO of Coors was defeated for Senate in Colorado. Drink up!

12. Admit it: We like the Bush twins and we don't want them to go away.

13. At the state legislative level, Democrats picked up a net of at least 3 chambers in Tuesday's elections. Of the 98 partisan-controlled state legislative chambers (house/assembly and senate), Democrats went into the 2004 elections in control of 44 chambers, Republicans controlled 53 chambers, and 1 chamber was tied. After Tuesday, Democrats now control 47 chambers, Republicans control 49 chambers, 1 chamber is tied and 1 chamber (Montana House) is still undecided.

14. Bush is now a lame duck president. He will have no greater moment than the one he's having this week. It's all downhill for him from here on out -- and, more significantly, he's just not going to want to do all the hard work that will be expected of him. It'll be like everyone's last month in 12th grade -- you've already made it, so it's party time! Perhaps he'll treat the next four years like a permanent Friday, spending even more time at the ranch or in Kennebunkport. And why shouldn't he? He's already proved his point, avenged his father and kicked our ass.

15. Should Bush decide to show up to work and take this country down a very dark road, it is also just as likely that either of the following two scenarios will happen: a) Now that he doesn't ever need to pander to the Christian conservatives again to get elected, someone may whisper in his ear that he should spend these last four years building "a legacy" so that history will render a kinder verdict on him and thus he will not push for too aggressive a right-wing agenda; or b) He will become so cocky and arrogant -- and thus, reckless -- that he will commit a blunder of such major proportions that even his own party will have to remove him from office.

16. There are nearly 300 million Americans -- 200 million of them of voting age. We only lost by three and a half million! That's not a landslide -- it means we're almost there. Imagine losing by 20 million. If you had 58 yards to go before you reached the goal line and then you barreled down 55 of those yards, would you stop on the three yard line, pick up the ball and go home crying -- especially when you get to start the next down on the three yard line? Of course not! Buck up! Have hope! More sports analogies are coming!!!

17. Finally and most importantly, over 55 million Americans voted for the candidate dubbed "The #1 Liberal in the Senate." That's more than the total number of voters who voted for either Reagan, Bush I, Clinton or Gore. Again, more people voted for Kerry than Reagan. If the media are looking for a trend it should be this -- that so many Americans were, for the first time since Kennedy, willing to vote for an out-and-out liberal. The country has always been filled with evangelicals -- that is not news. What IS news is that so many people have shifted toward a Massachusetts liberal. In fact, that's BIG news. Which means, don't expect the mainstream media, the ones who brought you the Iraq War, to ever report the real truth about November 2, 2004. In fact, it's better that they don't. We'll need the element of surprise in 2008.

Feeling better? I hope so. As my friend Mort wrote me yesterday, "My Romanian grandfather used to say to me, 'Remember, Morton, this is such a wonderful country -- it doesn't even need a president!'"

But it needs us. Rest up, I'll write you again tomorrow.

Yours,

Michael Moore MMFlint@aol.com www.michaelmoore.com


TOPICS: Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: fatdumbandstupid; fatsocialistweasel; krispycreme; lumpyreifenstahl; michaelmoore; poorhygiene; susbarbatus
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I wonder what Mr. Moore thinks about the Democratic pundits saying if they want to get their party back on track, they have to distance themselves from him and his extremist ilk?
1 posted on 11/04/2004 9:32:38 PM PST by Validus
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To: Validus

Bush's victory was the NARROWEST win for a sitting president since Woodrow Wilson in 1916.

Say what? I would check that out before I accepting that.


2 posted on 11/04/2004 9:35:35 PM PST by prometheus
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To: Validus

Moore's comments about the Bush twins reminds me of Saddam's son who kept their pictures on his wall with a porn collection. Creepy. Not enough soap and water in the world to make you feel clean after that.


3 posted on 11/04/2004 9:35:48 PM PST by peyton randolph (Time for Bush to pack the U.S. Supremes)
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To: Validus

Such a great letter! It makes me realise just how many straws they are grasping for! Amazing!


4 posted on 11/04/2004 9:36:09 PM PST by zbigreddogz
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To: Validus

Mikey has been proven to be completely irrelevant.


5 posted on 11/04/2004 9:36:17 PM PST by TheBigB (We are swimming and splashing gaily in a pool of the left's bitter tears (Thx to AppyPappy))
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To: Validus
>>"7. Once again we are reminded that the buckeye is a nut, and not just any old nut -- a poisonous nut. A great nation was felled by a poisonous nut. May Ohio State pay dearly this Saturday when it faces Michigan."<<

Attention Mr. Moore: Ohio State plays Michigan State (the Spartans) this Saturday, not arch-rival Michigan (the Wolverines). God, get a clue.

6 posted on 11/04/2004 9:36:26 PM PST by Dan Middleton (Hang on sloopy / Sloopy hang on / Hang on sloopy / Sloopy hang on / Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...)
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To: Validus
What a twisted outlook on everything.

I think Michael wrote this standing on his head.

Leni

7 posted on 11/04/2004 9:36:44 PM PST by MinuteGal
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To: Validus

Just another loser Democrat deluding himself. They should've listened to Zell Miller instead of the Goodyear Blimp.

...Regards, T.


8 posted on 11/04/2004 9:37:07 PM PST by T Lady (Who Let the 'RATS Out?!!)
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To: Validus

To Michael:

Listen up Cheeseburger boy. We make the food. You eat the food.


9 posted on 11/04/2004 9:37:09 PM PST by PokeyJoe (The United State of Texas.... I like the sound of it..)
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To: Validus

10 posted on 11/04/2004 9:37:26 PM PST by SquirrelKing ("I have to march because my mother couldn't have an abortion." - Maxine Waters (D-California)
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To: Validus

Here is a good thing ..I love movies and havent seen Moore's last two...


11 posted on 11/04/2004 9:37:28 PM PST by woofie
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To: Validus
"3. The only age group in which the majority voted for Kerry was young adults (Kerry: 54%, Bush: 44%), proving once again that your parents are always wrong and you should never listen to them...."

Of course Michael Moore is also proved wrong by his own comment.

And of course that also means he wouldn't be selling any more books or films and getting fatter and wealthier as a result of his own self-loathing.
12 posted on 11/04/2004 9:37:32 PM PST by Chummy (Thank you God for giving to the USA our President George W. Bush!)
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To: Validus
It's always good to have more blacks in there fighting for us

"Us"? That fat fraud is a millionaire.

13 posted on 11/04/2004 9:37:47 PM PST by Lijahsbubbe (If it weren't for double standards liberals would have no standards at all)
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To: Validus

Michael Moore soon will be no more.


14 posted on 11/04/2004 9:38:33 PM PST by DarthVader (Liberals = A pimple on the a$$hole of mankind!!)
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To: Validus

I hope Moore goes to bed every night knowing that he was one of the main reasons people stayed away from electing John Kerry. He stated from the beginning he wanted to effect the outcome of this election. Well you did, Mikey! LOL!


15 posted on 11/04/2004 9:38:39 PM PST by Hildy (The really great men are always simple and true)
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To: Validus

18. I made tons of money off you suckers.


16 posted on 11/04/2004 9:38:40 PM PST by HisKingdomWillAbolishSinDeath (Proverbs 10:30 The righteous shall never be removed: but the wicked shall not inhabit the earth.)
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To: prometheus

Once again, Moore makes up his own facts as he goes along. I believe the Kennedy win over Nixon was much narrower.


17 posted on 11/04/2004 9:38:48 PM PST by Brett66 (W1 W1 W1 W1 W1 W1 W1 W1)
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To: Validus
Guys, what we saw on Tuesday was history in the making. Of course the Leftist-dominated hacks in the Old Media did their very best to distract, discount and ignore the political history in the making - just like they did with the Republican Revolution in 1994. Well here's some interesting info to help you cut through the bullshit the Old Media spread in their election coverage, or should I say election cover-up:

* GWBush became the first president in 60 years to win re-election while his party was in control of BOTH the House and the Senate.

* GWBush became the first president in 68 years to win re-election and actually GAIN seats in both the House and the Senate.

* He also became the first president in 16 years to win over 50% of the popular vote.

* GWBush gained 7 million more votes compared 2000, more than twice the vote increase Bill Clinton gained between 1992 and 1996.

* GWBush defeated Kerry by more than 3.5 million votes, 59.4 million to 55.9 million (51%-48%). In doing so, Bush received the most votes of any presidential candidate in history.

* He won the Electoral College 286-252 (31 states to 19 states). The Old Media still has a tough time choking this one down - CNN STILL won't call Iowa or New Mexico for GWBush.

* GWBush increased his support across nearly all minority voters compared to 2000:
> 42% of Hispanics voted for GWBush (up from 35% in 2000).
> 11% of African-Americans voted for GWBush (up from 9% in 2000).
> 24% of Jewish voters voted for GWBush (up from 19% in 2000).
> 47% of women voted for GWBush (up from 43% in 2000).
> 52% of Catholics voted for GWBush (up from 48% in 2000).
> 23% of gays voted for GWBush (unchanged from 2000)

And last but not least:

* Democratic leader Tom Daschle became the first Senate leader in 52 years to lose a re-election. BWAAA-HAAA-HAAA-HAAA!!!




It's Not Just A Gun...

It's My "HOMELAND DEFENSE RIFLE"!!
18 posted on 11/04/2004 9:39:04 PM PST by The_Macallan
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To: Validus
Which means, don't expect the mainstream media, the ones who brought you the Iraq War, to ever report the real truth about November 2, 2004. In fact, it's better that they don't. We'll need the element of surprise in 2008.

Element of surprise, boatload of lies....what's the diff.

19 posted on 11/04/2004 9:39:23 PM PST by Texas Eagle ("It is useless to attempt to reason a man out of what he was never reasoned into." Jonathan Swift)
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To: Validus
1. It is against the law for George W. Bush to run for president again.

Reminds me of when Nixon carpet-bombed McGovern, 49 states to 1 in 1972 to win his second term (McG only took Taxachusetts - even lost his own home state of SD). The reaction of the press was, "HAW HAW HAW!! Nixon is a Lame Duck! Lame Duck! Lame Duck! Lame Duck! LAME DUCK!!!" Here he had just won the biggest landslide since about 1820, and all they could come up with to describe this monumental feat was that!

20 posted on 11/04/2004 9:39:41 PM PST by CardCarryingMember.VastRightWC (The heart of the wise man inclines to the right, but the heart of the fool to the left. - Eccl. 10:2)
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