Michael Moore finally speaks

MichaelMoore.com ^ | Nov. 5th, 2004 | Michael Moore

[Validus]

Friday, November 5th, 2004 17 Reasons Not to Slit Your Wrists...by Michael Moore

Dear Friends,

Ok, it sucks. Really sucks. But before you go and cash it all in, let's, in the words of Monty Python, “always look on the bright side of life!” There IS some good news from Tuesday's election.

Here are 17 reasons not to slit your wrists:

1. It is against the law for George W. Bush to run for president again.

2. Bush's victory was the NARROWEST win for a sitting president since Woodrow Wilson in 1916.

3. The only age group in which the majority voted for Kerry was young adults (Kerry: 54%, Bush: 44%), proving once again that your parents are always wrong and you should never listen to them.

4. In spite of Bush's win, the majority of the Americans still think the country is headed in the wrong direction (56%), thinks the war is a mistake (51%), and doesn’t approve of the job George W. Bush is doing (52%). (Note to foreigners: Don't try to figure this one out. It's an American thing, like Pop Tarts.)

5. The Republicans will not have a filibuster-proof 60-seat majority in the Senate. If the Democrats do their job, Bush won't be able to pack the Supreme Court with right-wing ideologues. Did I say "if the Democrats do their job?" Um, maybe better to scratch this one.

6. Michigan voted for Kerry! So did the entire Northeast, the birthplace of our democracy. So did 6 of the 8 Great Lakes States. And the whole West Coast! Plus Hawaii. Ok, that's a start. We've got most of the fresh water, all of Broadway, and Mt. St. Helens. We can dehydrate them or bury them in lava. And no more show tunes!

7. Once again we are reminded that the buckeye is a nut, and not just any old nut -- a poisonous nut. A great nation was felled by a poisonous nut. May Ohio State pay dearly this Saturday when it faces Michigan.

8. 88% of Bush's support came from white voters. In 50 years, America will no longer have a white majority. Hey, 50 years isn't such a long time! If you're ten years old and reading this, your golden years will be truly golden and you will be well cared for in your old age.

9. Gays, thanks to the ballot measures passed on Tuesday, cannot get married in 11 new states. Thank God. Just think of all those wedding gifts we won't have to buy now.

10. Five more African Americans were elected as members of Congress, including the return of Cynthia McKinney of Georgia. It's always good to have more blacks in there fighting for us and doing the job our candidates can't.

11. The CEO of Coors was defeated for Senate in Colorado. Drink up!

12. Admit it: We like the Bush twins and we don't want them to go away.

13. At the state legislative level, Democrats picked up a net of at least 3 chambers in Tuesday's elections. Of the 98 partisan-controlled state legislative chambers (house/assembly and senate), Democrats went into the 2004 elections in control of 44 chambers, Republicans controlled 53 chambers, and 1 chamber was tied. After Tuesday, Democrats now control 47 chambers, Republicans control 49 chambers, 1 chamber is tied and 1 chamber (Montana House) is still undecided.

14. Bush is now a lame duck president. He will have no greater moment than the one he's having this week. It's all downhill for him from here on out -- and, more significantly, he's just not going to want to do all the hard work that will be expected of him. It'll be like everyone's last month in 12th grade -- you've already made it, so it's party time! Perhaps he'll treat the next four years like a permanent Friday, spending even more time at the ranch or in Kennebunkport. And why shouldn't he? He's already proved his point, avenged his father and kicked our ass.

15. Should Bush decide to show up to work and take this country down a very dark road, it is also just as likely that either of the following two scenarios will happen: a) Now that he doesn't ever need to pander to the Christian conservatives again to get elected, someone may whisper in his ear that he should spend these last four years building "a legacy" so that history will render a kinder verdict on him and thus he will not push for too aggressive a right-wing agenda; or b) He will become so cocky and arrogant -- and thus, reckless -- that he will commit a blunder of such major proportions that even his own party will have to remove him from office.

16. There are nearly 300 million Americans -- 200 million of them of voting age. We only lost by three and a half million! That's not a landslide -- it means we're almost there. Imagine losing by 20 million. If you had 58 yards to go before you reached the goal line and then you barreled down 55 of those yards, would you stop on the three yard line, pick up the ball and go home crying -- especially when you get to start the next down on the three yard line? Of course not! Buck up! Have hope! More sports analogies are coming!!!

17. Finally and most importantly, over 55 million Americans voted for the candidate dubbed "The #1 Liberal in the Senate." That's more than the total number of voters who voted for either Reagan, Bush I, Clinton or Gore. Again, more people voted for Kerry than Reagan. If the media are looking for a trend it should be this -- that so many Americans were, for the first time since Kennedy, willing to vote for an out-and-out liberal. The country has always been filled with evangelicals -- that is not news. What IS news is that so many people have shifted toward a Massachusetts liberal. In fact, that's BIG news. Which means, don't expect the mainstream media, the ones who brought you the Iraq War, to ever report the real truth about November 2, 2004. In fact, it's better that they don't. We'll need the element of surprise in 2008.

Feeling better? I hope so. As my friend Mort wrote me yesterday, "My Romanian grandfather used to say to me, 'Remember, Morton, this is such a wonderful country -- it doesn't even need a president!'"

But it needs us. Rest up, I'll write you again tomorrow.

Yours,

Michael Moore MMFlint@aol.com www.michaelmoore.com

[Dan from Michigan]

Michigan voted for Kerry!

No, you're buddies like Jackie Curry(Detroit clerk) stole it.

[Smokin' Joe]

Hmph! A thorough liposuction and a good sh!tkicking, and there wouldn't be anything left but sneakers and a dirty T-shirt.

[ozzymandus]

"Lumpy Riefenstal" Love it! (although Leni was a pretty hot babe back in the day)

[nothernlights]

About one of his movies,THE Columbine Crap,I live in Canada and contrary to what MM says we have keys and doors and we lock them, especially in a place like Surrey BC that has the highest car theft rate in North America. It was getting so bad in some places that they were going to fine anybody who started their car in the morning to warm it up even in their own driveway.Welcome to the Great White North.
On a further note, if by chance you weren't locking your doors before you sure as heck would after MM would have just walked up and opened your front door...EEEECCCHHH(scream of terror)

[hineybona]

Anyone ever see Moore's wife at all ? Any pics of her out there..Morbid curosity over who the hell would marry that looser.

[eagle11]

Well written. About his 17 points:

1. Teresa Heinz won't EVER be able to.

2. Blame the fraud, 2 in 3 of us don't call ourselves liberals.

3. In time, given a little responsibility, they'll be budding conservatives.

4. Most Americans know the economy is improving and that we're winning the war on terror.

5. We're prepared for another of Senator Byrd's legendary fillibuster marathons.

6. If the east coast libs want to drive to visit their west coast pals, they have to pass through "red country".

7. Go Ohio!

8. Don't expect the Democrats' inflammatory fear-mongering to keep working for 12 more Presidential elections. By 2050, we'll be electing the second black female Republican President.

9. ...not to mention fewer baby showers.

10. A warm welcome to Cynthia McKinney. Her imbecilic tiraids will help the GOP welcome more black voters.

11. The big mooch who married ketchup won't be flying in Airforce One.

12. Something we can ALL agree on!

13. The Republicans increased their seats in both houses of Congress.

14. Remember, Mike, he's not a Democrat.

15. Again, Mike, he's not a Democrat.

16. First, the Democrats have to stop fumbling.

17. Thank the "Anyone but Bush" campaign touting a candidate who can thank a commie billionaire, your 90 minute hit peice and a press corp who neglected to ask him anything about the most liberal voting record in the Senate. And lastly, if John F. Kennedy was a liberal, then brother Ted is a Maoist.

[ladyinred]

Narrow victory eh? Those rats can really spin can't they? Or is he a rat? Or is MM really a card carrying Communist instead of hiding behind the Democrat party like the rest of them?

[kcvl]

John Fitzgerald Kennedy
Lyndon Baines Johnson

Party: DEMOCRATIC
Home State: PR: MA; VP: TX
Electoral Votes: 303
Pop. Vote: 34,227,096 (49.7%)


Lyndon Baines
JOHNSON
Hubert Horatio Humphrey
Party: DEMOCRATIC
Home State:
.PR: TX; VP: MN
Electoral Votes: 486
Pop. Vote: 42,825,463 (60.6%)



Richard Milhous
NIXON
Spiro Theodore Agnew
Party: REPUBLICAN
Home State:
.PR: NY; VP: MD
Electoral Votes: 301
Pop. Vote: 31,710,470 (43.4%)


Richard Milhous
NIXON
Spiro Theodore Agnew
Party: REPUBLICAN
Home State:
.PR: NY; VP: MD
Electoral Votes: 520
Pop. Vote: 46,740,323 (60.3%)


James Earl
CARTER, Jr.
Walter Frederick Mondale
Party: DEMOCRATIC
Home State:
.PR: GA; VP: MN
Electoral Votes: 297
Pop. Vote: 40,830,763 (50.1%)


Ronald Wilson
REAGAN
George Herbert Walker Bush
Party: REPUBLICAN
Home State:
.PR: CA; VP: TX
Electoral Votes: 489
Pop. Vote: 43,898,770 (50.8%)



Ronald Wilson
REAGAN
George Herbert Walker Bush
Party: REPUBLICAN
Home State:
.PR: CA; VP: TX
Electoral Votes: 525
Pop. Vote: 54,451,521 (58.8%)



George Herbert Walker Bush
James Danforth Quayle

Party: REPUBLICAN
Home State: PR: TX; VP: IN
Electoral Votes: 426
Pop. Vote: 48,886,097 (53.4%)


William Jefferson Clinton
Albert Arnold Gore, Jr.

Party: DEMOCRATIC
Home State: PR: AR; VP: TN
Electoral Votes: 370
Pop. Vote: 44,909,326 (43.0%)


William Jefferson Clinton
Albert Arnold Gore, Jr.

Party: DEMOCRATIC
Home State: PR: AR; VP: TN
Electoral Votes: 379
Pop. Vote: 47,401,898 (49.2%)


George Walker Bush
Richard Bruce Cheney

Party: REPUBLICAN
Home State: PR: TX; VP: WY
Electoral Votes: 271
Pop. Vote: 50,461,092 (47.9%)

[Graybeard58]

I believe the Kennedy win over Nixon was much narrower.

The requirement Moore puts in place is that it be a "sitting President".

Not my quote.

But using that criteria my quote about Bush/Gore was equally incorrect

[wardaddy]

yes but.....the push from Hispanics for W came primarily from Cubans and Colombians in Florida (and a few Nicaraguense) and W's mostly rural (even indig)Mexican descended in Texas who have a favorite son thing for him (along with social conservatism).

The trends for urban Amerindian Mexicans (and that is who we are really talking about here) is not positive. Look at how most vote in Kali.

There was improvement overall but it came from mostly two expected sources.

I share Agrarian's concerns. ....not to mention why so much enthusiasm for voluntary cultural suicide? There are plenty of non-Euro immigrant groups here who have been here for decades and have never trended right...ever. Why do folks think the huge Mexican campesino wave is going to behave like our founders. It's a multicultural fantasy in my view ungrounded in reality.

I have lived the world over...mostly among latinos....and I never met a one of them who wished to be overrun by gringos.

I see public school and media social engineering all over this sentiment. Those anglo freepers here who are on the front lines of this wave do not usually share these altruistic and optimistic views.

We don't need to be overrun by anyone let alone the third world....but it's coming....worse even in Europe.

[bray]

Scoreboard Baby!!!!

Pray for W and Our Troops

[1rudeboy]

I can only wonder how long will it be until the Dems realize that Moore was on Rove's payroll, in order to ensure a Bush victory.

[Experiment 6-2-6]

"It is against the law for George W. Bush to run for president again."
In a time of war or national emergency, this can be changed.

MY PLAN is to have W now admit to "losing" the 2000 election, thus allowing him to run for "re-election" in 2008..

[E Rocc]

I know many of you root for other college teams. But after what the Buckeye State did for us. Shouldn't we all show our support for the Ohio State Buckeyes just to rub it into that fat toad Morons face any way we can? Coach Jim Tressel seems like a very nice guys too! COME ON! GO BUCKS!

IIRC, Coach Tressel supported President Bush.

-Eric

[Gideon7]

Bush's victory was the NARROWEST win for a sitting president since Woodrow Wilson in 1916.

Mikey is spinning as usual. If you don't arbitrarily pick a 1916 starting date like Mikey does, you'd know that most other 2nd term elections in US History had a narrower vote spread than Bush II: Wilson (590,000 votes), Lincoln (400,000 votes), and Jackson (157,000 votes).

After 1916 all of the 2nd term elections (except for Clintoon) were wartime or Republican landslide elections.

[KentTrappedInLiberalSeattle]

let's, in the words of Monty Python, “always look on the bright side of life!” There IS some good news from Tuesday's election.

Yeah. The fact that you're now well, truly and forever IRRELEVANT, lardass. :)

[TeleStraightShooter]

Lol!

[Fam4Bush]

We do have Michael Moore to thank for helping bring Evangelical Christians out of their non-political closets and into the active community of registered voters....Oh, and those nice big conservative families with children that will be turning voting age in the next 4 years too. : )

[nothernlights]

MM and OBL have been retained by Rove for a 2hr special at the inauguration,at which time they will reveal the entire plot. Source :Walter Cronkite