Posted on 10/08/2004 7:26:39 AM PDT by NewJerseyJoe
A new take on the Presidential race! Received this in my e-mail via Matt Furey's e-mail newsletter.
Who Is Most Fit To Be President?
I can hear it now. A few members of this daily email list are cringing.
Oh no, don't do it again Furey. You'll lose HALF your customers. You'll lose HALF your business talking politico mumbo. You'll offend people who would otherwise like you. You'll create an enemy out of a friend - yada, nada, schnada.
Please, I'm begging you, another will warn me (after the fact of course) . veer away from politics and stick to what you know.
Well, last time I checked the list of what I know, it was most certainly NOT confined to the realm of fitness. In fact, I am considered expert on by many, many topics, which I might add, with a smidge of down-to-earth arrogance, cover more ground than either of our candidates for Prez.
In fact, I am not only qualified to get either of the candidates and their wives in shape - but I will proudly proclaim that I am qualified to write the speeches they give, craft the arguments they make - and assist with their marketing schemes.
Even so, my remarks about the candidates and will only judge them in terms of how PHYSICALLY FIT they are for the job. I will give positives and negatives for both, then give my opinion of who the overall winner is.
The categories I am going to cover in my assessment are as follows: strength, endurance, flexibility, speed, power and agility. I will rate each candidate on a scale of 1-5 (one being the highest) on each category and tabulate the winner at the end.
Here goes:
STRENGTH:
Prez Bush - has a powerfully built body. May be one of the toughest specimens in the White House since Teddy Roosevelt. At times looks bigger than he is due to necessity of wearing a bullet-proof vest. 4 points
Kerry - looks pretty weak physically. Body appears to be a collection of parts that don't fit together very well. 1 point
ENDURANCE:
Prez Bush - endurance is quite good. Able to run 2-3 miles at a 6 minute pace, forcing Secret Service to be in shape as well. 4.5 points
Kerry - endurance is also quite high. May actually be higher than Bush in terms of overall daily reserve of energy - but not necessarily in terms of athleticism. 5 points
FLEXIBILITY:
Prez Bush - upper body appears stiff while lower body appears more flexible, possibly due to running program. 2.5 points
Kerry - looks like he "should" be flexible due to long limbs and thin, wiry build - but monotone voice reveals that he is not as mobile as he appears. 2 points
SPEED:
Prez Bush - Cannot move quickly "out of the gate" - but does gain speed after a brief warmup. Does not have great "starting" speed but will finish hard and fast. Body moves as one unit. 3 points
Kerry - Able to move quickly but movements are clumsy and possibility for injuring himself when moving quickly is quite HIGH due to missing foundation or core that would serve to hold his body together as one unit. 3 points
POWER:
Prez Bush - Has explosive power in certain positions and from certain angles, but nothing that is freaky or unreal. Incredibly weak in some positions. 3 points
Kerry - Classic marathoner look. No real power. 1 point
AGILITY:
Prez Bush - Not much to speak of. Can get the job done but will never look graceful and smooth when doing so. 1 point
Kerry - Has a bit more agility but due to clumsy collection of body parts, is likely to put himself in danger and get hurt when attempting to move gracefully. 1 points
Grand Total
Prez Bush - 18 points
Kerry - 13 points
Stay tuned - in a day or two I will cover the First Lady race from a fitness standpoint as well.
Kick ass - take names!
Matt Furey
It turns out Bill Clinton was less physically fit than either of the two people he defeated for the presidency.
Less morally fit as well, but the voters already knew that.
I have read the the presidents at rest heart rate is about the same as the average 18 year old.
The only thing kerry has is height. I am female and about 5'8" and if kerry were just a little shorter i could kick his @##
utter pansy.
I shudder to think where Teddy Kennedy would score on this scale.
I noticed he was walking kind of funny as he approached the podium during yesterday's rant conference.
I would bet a weeks pay GWB would kick the bejeezes out of the windsurfer fagboy in a street brawl.
The other guy? Anyone see that episode of Frasier where Niles has to go along ice fishing and is grumpy, but then realizes all the "outfits" that can be bought for any sporting occasion?
Oh good grief. Not that re-warmed crap again.
Frisky hamster alert.
He need to remember his own scale system. This really doesn't make sense.
Did you catch Conan O'Brian about two nights ago?
He said that, without make-up, John Kerry looks like a bloodhound's scrotum.
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