Posted on 09/29/2004 5:34:01 PM PDT by SandRat
This forum has been too serious today and I thought everyone could use a slight break from politics to get a laugh (maybe?).
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules: Please note... these are all of equal weight, ON PURPOSE!
• Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don't try to change that.
• Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
• Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be!
• Shopping is NOT a sport; and no, we are never going to think of it that way.
• Crying is blackmail.
• Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
- Subtle hints do not work!
- Strong hints do not work!
- Obvious hints do not work!
- JUST SAY IT!
• ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
• Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
• A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor!
• Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
• If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
• If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
• You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
- Not both.
- If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
• Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
• Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
• ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
- Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color.
- Pumpkin is also a fruit.
- We have no idea what mauve is.
• If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
• If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
• If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
• When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine; Really!
• Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as:
– Sex,
– Sports, or
– Cars
• You have enough clothes
• You have too many shoes
• I am in shape. Round is a shape.
Yes, I know, I’ll have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.
ping
LOL
Mark for tomorrow
Flat-bellied, steeley-eyed killer since 1969.
No flame from this female. I would like to make a list of my own though:
1. Please oh please, quit calling every cute guy that women notice "gay". I really hate that.
2. Remember that women need time to warm up, so the least you guys can do is accomodate us.
3. That time of the month for women can be pretty bad, so don't go making it worse by accusing us of having PMS. It doesn't help and could ignite a war....especially while you guys are watching sports. Paybacks can be a _itch.
4. If you guys want to eat Mexican food...go right ahead. Just don't get ticked when you are told to go sleep on the couch until the air is cleared.
Ladies of FR, feel free to add to this list....
LOL, very funny!
Ping, you need to know this.
Besides, they are gay ... really really gay ... trust me.
Grrrrr....don't make me call your better half.
Hey Sandy,
You're right. I needed a break....THANKS!!
I don't care if he leaves the toilet seat up. It's easier to just put it down when you need to and definitely better than awakening to find your drunk husband getting ready to pee in the closet.
I don't care for gay guys either.
2. Remember that women need time to warm up, so the least you guys can do is accomodate us.
O.K. how's about November?
3. That time of the month for women can be pretty bad, so don't go making it worse by accusing us of having PMS. It doesn't help and could ignite a war....especially while you guys are watching sports. Paybacks can be a _itch.
A tiger is a tiger, a snake is a snake.
4. If you guys want to eat Mexican food...go right ahead. Just don't get ticked when you are told to go sleep on the couch until the air is cleared.
Why would I want to take up your place on the couch? Do you think I have no class!?!?
I had a car that took a long time to warm up. Junked it and got a new one that was ready to rock in about 90 seconds.
"I had a car that took a long time to warm up. Junked it and got a new one that was ready to rock in about 90 seconds."
90 seconds....that's nothing to brag about.
If you want what I ordered, order your own, don't eat it off of my plate.
A man will spend two dollars on a one dollar item he needs. A women will spend one dollar on a two dollar item she doesn't need, because it was on sale!
"I don't care for gay guys either."
I don't care if you care for gay guys.
"O.K. how's about November?"
November....isn't that football season?
"A tiger is a tiger, a snake is a snake."
A jackass is a jackass
"Why would I want to take up your place on the couch?"
You wouldn't...cause I'm not inviting you. I'm loyal and totally in love with my hubby.
;-}
Bump!
5. Don't comment on any outfit, usually I have worn it before. In fact, it's 5 years old!
6. I wonder how I have never been in an accident when you aren't in the next seat giving me directions on how to drive.
7. I know it's not the parking space you would have "chosen".
8. If the phone rings, answer it!
9. You tell your Mother we have other "plans".
10. "Boy am I glad I didn't do that" (mouth shut, just thinking)
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