Cooter #17 - Defeating our Enemies

Trentino's Magazine ^ | Sept. 28, 2004 | Cooter Thompson

[Davis]

E-mail to Candidate Kerry #17

From: James (Cooter) Thompson

re: Defeating our Enemies

Dear Senator Kerry:

The guys down to Daryl's Bait shop here in Lagniappe, Louisiana have asked me to write to you about a number of things that came up recently during your campaign.

We notice that you yourself never said a word about those forgeries that Dan Rather at CBS acquired from a Texas guy who is nuttier than a pecan pie and twisted like a pretzel—embittered and deranged, you might say. But, Joe Lockhart, your "senior consultant" was involved with that Mary Mapes, Mr. Rather's producer. In fact, thinking things over, me and Boudreau are convinced that the reality is that Mapes and Rather ought to be considered your senior consultants, too.

For comic relief, though, don't Rather, Mapes, and the CBS News boss, Heyward, resemble Larry, Moe, and Curly? How could they pretend to not know what millions of us intrepid Internet explorers knew immediately? It surely takes some special acting talent for Dan to have kept a straight face talking about they were misled. It's Armen Yazoo's opinion that Rather, Mapes, and Heyward were born with a double dose of Chutzpah, the political gene.

You have displayed some of that gene, yourself. You have yet to admit that your Cambodian Christmas story which was "seared, seared" in your memory was a fable you invented for political purposes. So was that tattered CIA hat you claimed to have lugged around in your briefcase for 35 years. So was your atrocity testimony before the Senate slandering our troops. We Daryl's regulars are convinced that the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth have proved their case. And, do we have to remind you that you haven't released your Navy records to clear up a quantity of mysteries.

We continue to be confused by your positions on Iraq.

You claim to be "supporting the troops." We don't see it that way. Neither do the terrorists who have gathered in Iraq to fight our troops and to behead civilians.

We estimate you have taken no fewer than 47 different positions on Iraq. You voted for the war. During the primaries, you disputed Dr. Gov. Howard Dean. But just this week you repeated his nonsensical line, "wrong war in the wrong place at the wrong time."

You been implying you personally want to go to the Toora Loora Mountains in Afghanistan to hunt down Osama—if he hasn't already been cinderized by those daisy cutters our planes dropped there. (Osama's been awfully shy about appearing before a videocam since November of 2001.) Is that the right war in the right place at the right time? Did it ever occur to you that there are plenty of Islamic terrorists who aren't Osama bin Ladin and they have been killing our people for over 20 years?

As a matter of fact, you don't seem to think we are at war. But the fact is we have been at war with Islamic terrorists who have murdered our people in people in Lebanon, in Saudi Arabia, at our embassies in Africa, over Lockerbie, Scotland, aboard the US Cole, at the Trade Towers in 1993 and again on September 11, 2001 in New York and at the Pentagon and aboard Flight 93.

Those same Islamic terrorists, jihadists, are responsible for murders of infidels throughout the world. Schoolchildren in Beslan, Russia, Aussie tourists in Bali, and commuters in Madrid, Spain.

We don't pretend we know all the answers to all the world's problems. We don't think anyone does. But sure as God made little green footballs, we don't think that bugging out of Iraq will discourage our sworn enemies.

Sincerely,

Cooter (with the help of J. Boudreau, A. Yazoo, and A. Trentino)