Posted on 08/19/2004 3:39:52 PM PDT by nuconvert
At Hot-Hot-Hot Sailing, a search for inner yngling
DAVE BARRY
ATHENS -- I went down to the sea to see the hot Olympic sailing action. I knew the action would be hot because the Olympic organizers put out a press release headlined, quote, ''Hot action predicted for sailing.''
The sailing action takes place in the Saronic Gulf, which is perfect because (a) it is located right next to Athens, and (b) it consists almost entirely of water, which is the preferred sailing environment. It's also good for swimming, and from the bus on the way to the sailing action I saw sunny beaches full of happy families, although at times I had to avert my eyes to avoid absorbing a direct visual gander of a large hairy man wearing one of those Euro-style male ''bathing suits'' that appear to actually be wristbands.
I got to the sailing facility and went through security, which has been (Don't tell the terrorists!) fairly relaxed at these Olympics so far. It seemed especially relaxed at the sailing facility, which is probably not a prime terrorism target because if it were attacked, the horrified world reaction would be: ''Sailing is an Olympic sport?''
Apparently it is. I say ''apparently'' because, if you want to get technical, I never saw it. It turns out that the actual sailing is not visible from the land. To see it, I watched a TV monitor in the press area, which was showing a bunch of sailboats sailing along in some body of water that could have been the Saronic Gulf, but also could have been Lake Erie.
Superimposed on the bottom of the TV screen, mysteriously, was the single word ''YNGLING.'' I wondered what this was: A sailor's name? The Greek word for ''sailing''? The official Olympic beer? I decided that ''Yngling'' was probably a nation. When I was growing up, there were like 10 nations in the entire world, but now there seems to be thousands of them, including (these are all actual nations competing in the Olympics) Libyan Arab Jamahiriya, Lao People's Democratic Republic, Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia, Guinea, Equatorial Guinea AND Guinea-Bissau.
Nobody can keep track of all these nations. I'm pretty sure that if I put on a pair of shorts and showed up at the Olympic stadium claiming to be a runner from the Formerly Democratic People's Republic of East Macedonian Guinea, the authorities would have no choice but to wave me onto the track.
Anyway, it turns out that ''Yngling'' is not a nation; it's an Olympic sailboat class. There are 11 sailboat classes, including (I am not making these up): ''Single-handed dinghy open Laser,'' ''Double-handed dinghy men Finn'' and, of course, ''Double-handed dinghy open 49er.'' So, as you can imagine, there is a lot of hot action taking place out there in the Saronic Gulf, somewhere over the horizon. I don't know who's going to win, but I hope at least one gold medal goes to the Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia, because I would love to hear the national anthem:
''O we are the Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia
''Leave us a message, and we'll telephone ya.''
I will have complete Olympic sailing results for you in a later column, unless I forget, which is currently my plan. But stay tuned, because tomorrow I'm going to explain the exciting Athens taxi system, assuming I can clean the stomach contents off my notes.
Barry's a stitch.
With Dave it's always the Sardonic Sea.
Whaaaat? No Etchells 22s? When you're out of Etchells, you're not racing, you're just circling the buoys.
Whaaaat? No Etchells 22s? When you're out of Etchells, you're not racing, you're just circling the buoys.
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