Posted on 08/07/2004 11:11:39 AM PDT by BeAllYouCanBe
What is a Redneck-Sexual?
It seems that we are bombarded daily with the Kerry Campaign and the Metrosexual campaign he is waging for the heart of the UN lovers and other Europeans. For those of you still not aware a Metrosexual is a heterosexual that has all the good taste of Gay Man but the sexual preference for women. Picking John Edwards as his running mate confirmed that style was more important than substance for Kerry and Metrosexuality was the main plank in JFK’s campaign.
So I had to reflect on my own leaning toward Metrosexuality and conclude that I was in fact a Redneck-Sexual. My definition of a Redneck-Sexual is a man or woman who has the tastes of a country boy but is still sensitive enough to love their truck. The Redneck-Sexual is not judged on the choice of clothes and style but by his/her character. A Redneck-Sexual lives in the Red States mainly but there are ones in San Francisco and Vermont and even New York City! A Redneck-Sexual doesn’t boycott French products he has never liked them and doesn’t think wine of any kind is better than beer.
If a Redneck-Sexual has been in a war and won medals it isn’t talked about because mainly it means that if you got a medal someone saw you do something brave. You know as a Redneck-Sexual that the bravest acts you did were things nobody saw – but you came home alive and that’s all the family cared about. If you got a Purple Heart you had lots of pain and suffering and you don’t talk about that either – it is part of being an American Soldier/Sailor/Marine.
A Redneck-Sexual is not confused about their sexuality and their damn grateful for the plumbing that the good Lord gave them even though it don’t work as good as it once did. But Redneck-Sexuals are grateful for growing old and we don’t do Botox, tummy tucks and other such nonsense to try to fool anyone about our age.
When a Redneck-Sexual goes to a farm it isn’t important to let the farmer know they were once on a farm. A Redneck-Sexual knows that everyone works and we respect each others labor/job. One job is the same as another to a Redneck-Sexual it is how the family gets fed.
So that then leaves our truck and our love for it. Even though we love our truck with the five American flag bumper stickers and one that says, “America Love It OR Leave it”, we only use genuine GM Goodwrench parts. We still take time to make sure it stays tuned-up so we don’t use too much of that Mid-East oil but that is how a Redneck-Sexual is concerned about the environment and our truck!
So the question then begs to be asked, “Is George W. Bush a Redneck-Sexual?”
(Hit that Texas Ping List uv your'n......This could be a FR classic thread.)
To a Redneck-Sexual, practicing safe sex is making love with his hip waders on.
Actually it's a cow that doesn't kick.
LOL! Very good.
I bet you're from Texas. ;o)
Heck, and I always thought it was, "git'n the truck woman!"
Anyone who willingly takes on a title with "sexual" in it has WAY too much time on their hands...
"It's been a long time since I've laughed this hard!"
It made me feel like I was at 'home' again.
Guilty, as charged.
ROTFLOL!
Anybody that can run a chainsaw to clear brush is country enough for me. Because if they're doing that you know they've got a pickup to haul it away with. Add in fishing, hunting, gardening, critter raising and cooking n canning and you've got a redneck. Shoes are optional.
Maybe for you non-hung city bovine lovers.
Some of us country boys can not only get our cows to kick, we can get them mooing for more.
Now that is FUNNY
No properly stump-broke cow will kick. Just won't happen. They know better.
Some will, however, slap you upside the head with that tail during milking. They seem to get a real kick out of that.
No properly stump-broke cow will kick.
I haven't heard "stump broke" simce I was a teenager.
" President Bush is a mensch in cowboy boots "
Yiddish cowboy now that is something. Only chases kosher cows.
If I woke up in the morning and discovered I was a female.....I'd hit the first lesbo bar I could find.
Sad ain't it? It would appear that stump breaking is a dying art.
I always thought a Metrosexual was a pervert who had intercourse with the exhaust pipe of a GEO-Metro.
Live and learn.
Hahah
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