What is a Redneck-Sexual?

Orginal BeAllYouCanBe Writing | August 7, 2004 | BeAllYouCanBe

[BeAllYouCanBe]

What is a Redneck-Sexual?

It seems that we are bombarded daily with the Kerry Campaign and the Metrosexual campaign he is waging for the heart of the UN lovers and other Europeans. For those of you still not aware a Metrosexual is a heterosexual that has all the good taste of Gay Man but the sexual preference for women. Picking John Edwards as his running mate confirmed that style was more important than substance for Kerry and Metrosexuality was the main plank in JFK’s campaign.

So I had to reflect on my own leaning toward Metrosexuality and conclude that I was in fact a Redneck-Sexual. My definition of a Redneck-Sexual is a man or woman who has the tastes of a country boy but is still sensitive enough to love their truck. The Redneck-Sexual is not judged on the choice of clothes and style but by his/her character. A Redneck-Sexual lives in the Red States mainly but there are ones in San Francisco and Vermont and even New York City! A Redneck-Sexual doesn’t boycott French products he has never liked them and doesn’t think wine of any kind is better than beer.

If a Redneck-Sexual has been in a war and won medals it isn’t talked about because mainly it means that if you got a medal someone saw you do something brave. You know as a Redneck-Sexual that the bravest acts you did were things nobody saw – but you came home alive and that’s all the family cared about. If you got a Purple Heart you had lots of pain and suffering and you don’t talk about that either – it is part of being an American Soldier/Sailor/Marine.

A Redneck-Sexual is not confused about their sexuality and their damn grateful for the plumbing that the good Lord gave them even though it don’t work as good as it once did. But Redneck-Sexuals are grateful for growing old and we don’t do Botox, tummy tucks and other such nonsense to try to fool anyone about our age.

When a Redneck-Sexual goes to a farm it isn’t important to let the farmer know they were once on a farm. A Redneck-Sexual knows that everyone works and we respect each others labor/job. One job is the same as another to a Redneck-Sexual it is how the family gets fed.

So that then leaves our truck and our love for it. Even though we love our truck with the five American flag bumper stickers and one that says, “America Love It OR Leave it”, we only use genuine GM Goodwrench parts. We still take time to make sure it stays tuned-up so we don’t use too much of that Mid-East oil but that is how a Redneck-Sexual is concerned about the environment and our truck!

So the question then begs to be asked, “Is George W. Bush a Redneck-Sexual?”

[anonymous_user]

Alabama Foreplay: "Brace yourself Sue Ellen!"

Followed by, "Git off me Pa, yor crushin' mah smokes."

runs, exits...

[MeekOneGOP]

What is a Redneck-Sexual?

Excerpt:

So I had to reflect on my own leaning toward Metrosexuality and conclude that I was in fact a Redneck-Sexual. My definition of a Redneck-Sexual is a man or woman who has the tastes of a country boy but is still sensitive enough to love their truck. The Redneck-Sexual is not judged on the choice of clothes and style but by his/her character. A Redneck-Sexual lives in the Red States mainly but there are ones in San Francisco and Vermont and even New York City! A Redneck-Sexual doesn’t boycott French products he has never liked them and doesn’t think wine of any kind is better than beer.

If a Redneck-Sexual has been in a war and won medals it isn’t talked about because mainly it means that if you got a medal someone saw you do something brave. You know as a Redneck-Sexual that the bravest acts you did were things nobody saw – but you came home alive and that’s all the family cared about. If you got a Purple Heart you had lots of pain and suffering and you don’t talk about that either – it is part of being an American Soldier/Sailor/Marine.

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[MeekOneGOP]

hehe! I jes did. Thanks for the ping. :^D

Now, hold mah beer n watch this.

---

The Dialectizer

Whut in tarnation is a Redneck-Sexual?

It seems thet we is bombarded daily wif th' Kerry Campaign an' th' Metrosexual campaign he is wagin' fo' th' heart of th' UN lovahs an' other Europeans. Fo' them of yo' still not aware a Metrosexual is a heterosexual thet has all th' fine taste of Gay Man but th' sexual preference fo' wimmen. Pickin' John-Boy Edwards as his runnin' mate cornfirmed thet style was mo'e impo'tant than substance fo' Kerry an' Metrosexuality was th' main plank in JFK’s campaign, as enny fool kin plainly see.

So ah had t'refleck on mah own leanin' toward Metrosexuality an' cornclude thet ah was in fack a Redneck-Sexual, ah reckon. Mah definishun of a Redneck-Sexual is a man o' woomin who has th' tastes of a country fella but is still sensitive inough t'love their truck. Shet mah mouth! Th' Redneck-Sexual is not judged on th' choice of clo'es an' style but by his/her chareecker. A Redneck-Sexual lives in th' Red States mainly but thar is ones in San Francisco an' Vermont an' even Noo Yawk City! Fry mah hide! A Redneck-Sexual doesn’t fellacott French producks he has nevah liked them an' doesn’t reckon likker of enny kind is better than beer.

Eff'n a Redneck-Sexual has been in a war an' won medals it isn’t talked about on account o' mainly it means thet eff'n yo' got a medal someone sar yo' does sumpin brave. Yo' knows as a Redneck-Sexual thet th' bravess acks yo' did were thin's nobody sar – but yo' came home alive an' thet’s all th' fambly cared about. Eff'n yo' got a Purple Heart yo' had lotsa pain an' sufferin' an' yo' don’t talk about thet eifer – it is part of bein' an South Car'linan Soldier/Sailo'/Marine.

A Redneck-Sexual is not cornfused about their sexuality an' their dadburn grateful fo' th' plumbin' thet th' fine Lo'd gave them even though it don’t wawk as fine as it once did, cuss it all t' tarnation. But Redneck-Sexuals is grateful fo' growin' old an' we don’t does Botox, tummah tucks an' other sech fiddlesticks t'try t'fool ennyone about our age.

When a Redneck-Sexual goes t'a farm it isn’t impo'tant t'let th' farmer knows they were once on a farm, dawgone it. A Redneck-Sexual knows thet ev'ryone wawks an' we respeck etch others labo'/job. Well bust mah britches an' call me streaker. One job is th' same as t'other t'a Redneck-Sexual it is how th' fambly gits fed, cuss it all t' tarnation.

So thet then leaves our truck an' our love fo' it. Even though we love our truck wif th' five South Car'linan flag bumper stickers an' one thet says, “South Car'lina Love It OR Leave it”, we only use junuine GM Goodwrench parts. We still take time t'make sho'nuff it stays tuned-up so we don’t use too much of thet Mid-East oil but thet is how a Redneck-Sexual is corncerned about th' environment an' our truck! Fry mah hide!

So th' quesshun then begs t'be axed, “Is Jedidiah W. Bush a Redneck-Sexual?”

[Brad’s Gramma]

LOL!!! THANK YOU for the ping!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Tolerance Sucks Rocks]

So the question then begs to be asked, “Is George W. Bush a Redneck-Sexual?”

I'm guessing that's a "yes."

[MeekOneGOP]

The same text Dialectized in Jive.

Whut be a Redneck-Sexual?

It seems dat we is bombarded daily wid de Kerry Campaign and da damn Metrosexual campaign he be wagin' fo' de heart uh de UN lovers and oda' Europeans. Fo' dose uh ya' still not aware some Metrosexual be a heterosexual dat has all de baaaad taste uh Gay Man but da damn sexual preference fo' honky chicks. Pickin' Raz'tus Edwards as his runnin' mate confirmed dat style wuz mo'e impo'tant dan substance fo' Kerry and Metrosexuality wuz de main plank in JFK’s campaign. 'S coo', bro.

So's I had t'reflect on mah' own leanin' toward Metrosexuality and conclude dat I wuz in fact some Redneck-Sexual. Mah' definishun uh a Redneck-Sexual be a joker o' honky chick who gots de tastes uh a country boy but be still sensitive enough t'love deir truck. Ya' know? De Redneck-Sexual be not judged on de choice uh clodes and style but by his/ha' character. Ah be baaad... A Redneck-Sexual lives in de Red States mainly but dere is ones in San Francisco and Vermont and even New Yo'k City! Right on! A Redneck-Sexual duzn’t boycott French products he gots neva' likesd dem and duzn’t dink wine uh any kind be betta' dan beer. Ah be baaad...

If some Redneck-Sexual gots been in some war and won medals it isn’t raped about a'cuz mainly it means dat if ya' gots some medal some sucka saw ya' do sump'n brave. You's know as some Redneck-Sexual dat da damn bravest acts ya' dun did wuz doodads nobody saw – but ya' came crib alive and dat’s all de family cared about. Man! If ya' gots some Purple Heart ya' had lots uh pain and sufferin' and ya' don’t rap about dat eida' – it be part uh bein' an American Soldier/Sailo'/Marine.

A Redneck-Sexual be not confused about deir sexuality and deir damn grateful fo' de plumbin' dat da damn baaaad Lo'd gave dem even dough it don’t wo'k as baaaad as it once dun did. But Redneck-Sexuals is grateful fo' growin' old and we don’t do Botox, tummy tucks and oda' such nonsense t'try t'honkyfool any sucka about our age.

When some Redneck-Sexual goes t'a farm it isn’t impo'tant t'let da damn farma' know dey wuz once on some farm. WORD! A Redneck-Sexual knows dat everyone wo'ks and we respect each oders labo'/job. Co' got d' beat! One job be de same as anoda' to some Redneck-Sexual it be how de family digs fed.

So's dat den leaves our truck and our love fo' it. Man! Even dough we love our truck wid de five American flag bumpuh' stickers and one dat says, “America Love It OR Leave it”, we only use genuine GM Goodwrench parts. We still snatch time t'make sho' man it stays tuned-up so's we don’t use too much uh dat Mid-East oil but dat be how some Redneck-Sexual be concerned about da damn environment and our truck! Right on!

So's de quesshun den begs t'be ax'ed, “Is Geo'ge W. Bush some Redneck-Sexual?”

[MeekOneGOP]

hehe! My pleasure. I'm glad you liked it. Thank you. :^D

[MeekOneGOP]

Raz'tus Edwards

haha! That is funny!

[Victoria Delsoul]

Hmmm, well, here is a redneck's idea of safe sex…

[BeAllYouCanBe]

So yes thank you all for the laughs -- that literally safe sex means only SAFE SEX.

Safe sex and pickup truck sex it is pretty much the same except for all this tree stump sex that I'm not sure I know enough about. So if trucks have sex and rednecks have sex then we shouldn't discriminate against non humans anymore?

[BeAllYouCanBe]

" The same text Dialectized in Jive. "

So lookie here man dis utter dude said the same jive in Redneck?

Who you do?

[TRY ONE]

"To a Redneck-Sexual, practicing safe sex is making love with his hip waders on."

To a Redneck-Sexual, practicing safe sex is a padded headboard!

[Bluntpoint]

My friends always make fun of my padded headboard in Elsie's stall.

[MeekOneGOP]

LOL! :^D

[MeekOneGOP]

hehe! :^)

[TADSLOS]

It also means that I don't waste my time searching my inner sensitive self. I've got more important crap to do like clean my guns and ice down the beer. I'll leave that metrosexual gender bendering up to the girlie men.

[The Scourge of Yazid]

Mullet Mike:

MULLET'S ROCK!!!

[Springman]

Good to hear you ain't mad at my Father-in-law for owning a Toyota Tundra. Damn fine truck, good ride. He almost cried when he got hit in a parking lot!!

[JusPasenThru]

The Kentucky definition of a pervert:
Someone who likes sex more than basketball.

[Alamo-Girl]

Thanks for the ping!