Posted on 07/28/2004 1:19:43 PM PDT by Frapster
In a move that surprised many video game industry officials, the children’s toy manufacturer Nerf filed a slander lawsuit against every major marketer of massive online games. In a press release Nerf stated that they were suing for monetary compensation for profits lost as a result of the slander perpetrated by the gaming companies.
Online game companies have long been in the habit of reducing the capabilities of characters, weapons, spec lines, and other game related mechanics while increasing the capabilities of their billing computers. This situation lead to the creation of the Internet slang term “nerf” which has come to be synonymous with anything that waters down a class or a part of a game in the massive online gaming world.
It is also expected that the lawsuit will contain language that prohibits the gaming companies from further defaming the company while at the same time sponsoring an advertising campaign geared towards reversing the damage that has been done since Everquest hit store shelves. Nerf wasn’t forthcoming with specifics for the advertising campaign, but industry insiders expect it will involve at least a short term blitz of message boards and popular gaming sites.
“Video game players between 18 and 27 were once our biggest market for that age bracket. They aren’t likely to actually go out and play a real sport or get involved with something that could hurt them, so they’d ultimately decide to buy a Nerf football or one of our other fine kid-friendly products for the rare occasion when the mood to go outside did strike them,” Nerf legal counsel stated at a press conference after the lawsuit was filed.
“Now gamers in that age group are terrified whenever they see one of our products. They recoil in horror as memories of horrible game changes come flooding forward in something akin to post-traumatic stress disorder,” the attorney continued. “Now as an attorney I still have enough of a soul left that I avoid the unholy bowels of the marketing department, but even I know that having your clients turn into a blubbering mass in the toy aisle in front of your product is a bad thing.”
The gaming companies were quick to protest, citing the rise of Ultimate Frisbee on college campuses and pointing out that most students are too busy studying or getting drunk to give much thought to buying a Nerf football. Still, it is expected that the defending gaming companies will have a hard time making their case after allowing the term “nerf” to run unchecked for the past six years.
Companies such as Sony Online Entertainment and Mythic Entertainment were also quick to point out that restricting their ability to nerf classes will effectively ruin their entire business strategy. Those two companies in particular were worried about losing the ability to take an otherwise fun class or a part of the game that actually worked in the player’s favor and completely annihilating it while there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth from the player base.
Nerf has remained steadfast despite the protests of some gaming companies and threats of a countersuit from others. They stated in a press release that they would do whatever it takes to win their good name back from the gaming companies that have raked it through the mud by ruining the very games that they’re supposed to be making more enjoyable.
If Nerf wins the lawsuit then the entire massive online gaming market could literally change overnight. Gone will be the days when a quick fix to a class meant simply dialing down its damage output and utterly destroying any fun players using that class might have enjoyed. Gaming companies might have to actually give some thought to balance, a task that no massive online gaming company has ever truly come to terms with. Some experts predict this might affect the bottom line of the companies and put them into the red, but gamers are looking forward to seeing how things play out.
“I think this could be a great thing for gamers everywhere,” one anonymous poster stated on IGN’s Vault Network boards. “It’d be great if Nerf nerfed those bastard’s ability to nerf us. Talk about poetic justice.”
Are they going to sue all the open-wheel race car drivers with nerf bars? dumb.
Oh how I wish this was true....
Nerf lawyers!
I now know I am too old.
That use of the word is complementary to Nerf, so prolly not!
so when does nerf's patent run out?
Remember when xerox sued to keep people from saying "xerox" as a verb? (xerox who?)
Rembember when Sanka decaf sued to protect its name? (sanka who?)
Nerf is upset that the word "nerf" is being used for dumbing down a game? Nerf has always been synonimous with "dumbing down". Making a nerf world is just pary of the nanny state.
patents are not copyrights are not trademarks.
Trademark holders must go after unauthorized uses of trademarks in order to preserve their trademark rights. Otherwise, they wind up with trademark dilution, and any adhesive bandage maker can start calling their products band-aids.
My apologies - I should have put 'humor' in the title. Could I impose upon you to please edit my title to add 'humor'? Thank you.
The whole thing is nonsense. Nerf is probably acronym for
Not Required Feature
or
Now Reduced Feature
or some such thing.
Language evolves. I wouldn't think sharing the word would diminish the value of a completely different type of product.
And anyone who is terrified by a NERF product has some serious issues.
Is this real, or satire?...JFK
nerf ping
I imagine the lawyers from SPAM are watching closely.
thank you but I did mean patent.
Just as tupperware's patent ended and rubbermade started making similar products, I was wondering how long it is before the patent on the nerf foam for toys expires and anyone can duplicate their soft ball type toys.
it's satire - I had asked the mod to edit my title but alas it hasn't happened yet.
yeah - lol - it's a joke. And I used to love the nerf guns. I'm also old enough to remember the old dart guns we used to have. They were tipped with rubber suction cups and could shoot 20 or 30 feet. Man those were cool.
I recall when they nerfed druid kiting. Seemed like a reasonably good day.
I enjoyed when Brad "Nerf" McQuaid was nerfed from Verant.
Now Nerf wants to Nerf Nerf!
Oh, when will the horrow show stop.
Am I the only one who thinks that getting another class nerfed does no good? Signed..a 60 scalebait monk :P
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