Posted on 07/28/2004 12:56:02 PM PDT by TET1968
That's good.
Hey! Y'all seen this one...
Democratic Convention Agenda--Just Released
2004 Democratic National Convention -- Official Program:
6:00pm - Opening flag burning ceremony.
6:05pm - Pledge of Allegiance to the United Nations
6:10pm - Secular words by Revs. Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton
6:30pm - Anti-war concert by Barbra Streisand.
6:45pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
7:00pm - Tribute theme to France by Jessica Lange and Meryl Streep.
7:10pm - Collect offerings for al-Zawahri defense fund.
7:30pm - Tribute theme to Germany.
7:45pm - Anti-war rally moderated by Michael Moore.
8:25pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
8:30pm - Terrorist appeasement workshop.
9:00pm - Homosexual marriage ceremony for male and female couples.
9:30pm - CBS, NBC, ABC, CNN urge defeat of President Bush.
10:00pm - Posting the Iraqi Colors by Sean Penn and Tim Robbins
10:10pm - Re-enactment of Kerry's fake medal toss.
10:20pm - Cameo by Dean 'Yeeearrrrrrrg!'
10:30pm - Abortion demonstration by N.A.R.A.L.
10:40pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
10:50pm - Special thanks to the New York Times, Los Angeles Times,
Houston Chronicle, USA Today, & Washington Post.
11:00pm - Multiple homosexual marriage ceremony for threesomes and groups.
11:15PM - Maximizing Welfare workshop.
11:30pm - Saddam Legal Defense Fund pep rally.
11:50PM - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
12:00pm - Nomination of Democratic candidate.
NEW: 5:00am - Ted Kennedy Will Conduct a Swimming and Water safety Class
Subject: Bad American by George Carlin
Well....make your own judgment!
I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American.
I am George Carlin.
I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some midlevel governmental functionary with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts squirting out babies.
I'm not in touch with my feelings and I like it that way, damn it!
I believe no one ever died because of something Ozzy Osbourne, Ice-T or Marilyn Manson sang.
I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer.
I believe it's called the Boy Scouts for a reason.
I don't think being a minority makes you noble or victimized.
I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, you'd better do it in English.
I don't use the excuse "it's for the children" as a shield for unpopular opinions or actions.
I think fireworks should be legal on the 4th of July.
I think that being a student doesn't give you any more enlightenment than working at Blockbuster. In fact, if your parents are footing the bill to put your pansy ass through 4-7 years of college, you haven't begun to be enlightened.
I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God or gods, just leave the rest of us out of it. This also applies to sexuality.
My heroes are John Wayne, the Simpsons, and whoever canceled Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman.
I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.
I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time arguing about it.
I think global warming is a big lie. Where are all those experts now, when I am freezing my ass through a long winter?
I've never owned a slave, or was a slave, I didn't wander forty years in the desert after getting chased out of Egypt, I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you, so shut-the-#$%!-up already.
I want to know which church is it exactly where the Reverend Jesse Jackson preaches. And where does he get his money. And why is he always part of the problem and not the solution.
I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you're running from them. I also think they have the right to pull your ass over if you are breaking the law, regardless of what color you are.
I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation in the world for the next four years.
I hate those bastards standing in the intersections trying to sell me crap or trying to guilt me into making 'donations' to their cause. These people should be targets.
I think if you are in the passing lane, and not passing, your license should be revoked, and you should be forced to ride the bus until you promise to never delay the rest of us again.
I think beef jerky could quite possibly be the perfect food.
I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes two parents.
I think tattoos and piercing are fine if you want them, but please don't pretend they are a political statement.
I think Dr. Seuss was a genius.
I'm neither angry nor disenfranchised, no matter how desperately the mainstream media would like the world to believe otherwise.
I believe if she has her lips on your willie, it is sex, and it is sex for both of you. This even applies when you are President of the United States.
If that makes me a BAD American, then yes, I'm a BAD American.
If you too are a BAD American please forward this to everyone you know. We need our country back!
How could i have ever gotten through my day without the daily posting of that, the jib jab thing and now it looks like we are going to have several hundred threads regarding JFK's re-enactment of his VN histrionics.
It moves? I remember that when we had 1200 bps dial ups, it never moved.
But you won't see this... cause I made it!
Totally unfunny and unwitty.
1200 bps? 1200 bps?!?! We had a VIC-20 with a 300 bps modem and we liked it! It took 20 minutes to download one of those new .gif files but that was good enough for us by kracky!
Go to www.google.com
type "french military victories" into the text box and then
press: Im feeling lucky...
I just saw it and it seems to imply that Kerry might have been in the military, possibly even in Vietnam. That's news to me.
Heh. You win.
Modems? You had modems? We used to lie awake at night dreaming of modems. We were just darn happy when the courier arrived with the 1/2 inch tape on time so we could all leave early to get in line for gas.
Modems? You had modems? We used to lie awake at night dreaming of modems.
We used to have to transmit our data manually:
Couriers? You had couriers? Weaklings! We were lucky if we knew that we had a package and had to walk eight miles to the depot; backwards (so we knew how to get back)!
And nevermind the gas lines, when we moved away from So. Cal to the north part of the state my wife had to get out to push the 40' U-Haul 'bout Fresno until I could find reasonably priced fuel. It took quite some time but with me behind the wheel we got filled up and we were mighty proud. Tired and proud.
A brass pounder, eh?
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