Put The Speakers In A Cage (Ann Coulter's Spiked Article)

anncoulter.com ^ | July 26. 2004 | Ann Coulter

[bimboeruption]

USA Today Put The Speakers In A Cage July 26, 2004

Here at the Spawn of Satan convention in Boston, conservatives are deploying a series of covert signals to identify one another, much like gay men do. My allies are the ones wearing crosses or American flags. The people sporting shirts emblazened with the "F-word" are my opponents. Also, as always, the pretty girls and cops are on my side, most of them barely able to conceal their eye-rolling.

Democrats are constantly suing and slandering police as violent, fascist racists -- with the exception of Boston's police, who'll be lauded as national heroes right up until the Democrats pack up and leave town on Friday, whereupon they'll revert to their natural state of being fascist, racist pigs.

A speaker at the Democratic National Convention this year, Al Sharpton, accused white police officers of raping and defacing Tawana Brawley in 1987, lunatic charges that eventually led to a defamation lawsuit against Sharpton and even more eventually, to Sharpton paying a jury award to the defamed plaintiff Steve Pagones. So its a real mystery why cops wouldn't like Democrats.

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As for the pretty girls, I can only guess that its because liberal boys never try to make a move on you without the UN Security Council's approval. Plus, its no fun riding around in those dinky little hybrid cars. My pretty-girl allies stick out like a sore thumb amongst the corn-fed, no make-up, natural fiber, no-bra needing, sandal-wearing, hirsute, somewhat fragrant hippie chick pie wagons they call "women" at the Democratic National Convention.

Apparently, the nuts at the Democratic National Convention are going to be put in cages outside the convention hall. Sadly, they won't be fighting to the death as is done in W.W.F. caged matches. They're calling this the "protestor's area," although I suppose a better name would be the "truth-free zone".

I thought this was a great idea until I realized the nut category did not include Sharpton, Al Gore, Bill Clinton, and Teddy Kennedy -- all featured speakers at the convention. I'd say the actual policy is only untelegenic nuts get the cages, but little Dennis Kucinich is speaking at the Convention, too. So it must be cages for nuts who have not run for president as serious candidates for the Democratic Party.

Looking at the line-up of speakers at the Convention, I have developed the 7-11 challenge: I will quit making fun of, for example, Dennis Kucinich, if he can prove he can run a 7-11 properly for 8 hours. We'll even let him have an hour or so of preparation before we open up. Within 8 hours, the money will be gone, the store will be empty, and he'll be explaining how three 11-year olds came in and asked for the money and he gave it to them.

For 20 years, the Democrats wouldn't let Jimmy Carter within 100 miles of a Convention podium. The fact that Carter is now their most respectable speaker tells you where that party is today. Maybe they just want to remind Americans who got us into this Middle East mess in the first place. W've got millions of fanatical Muslims trying to slaughter Americans while shouting Allah Akbar! Yeah, let's turn the nation over to these guys.

With any luck, Gore will uncork his speech comparing Republicans to Nazis. Just a few weeks ago, Gore gave a speech accusing the Bush administration of deploying digital Brown Shirts to intimidate journalists and pressure the media into writing good things about Bush -- in case you were wondering where all those glowing articles about Bush were coming from.

The last former government official to slake his thirst so deeply with the kool-aid and become a far-left peacenik was Ramsey Clarke and it took him a few years to really blossom. Clinton must have done some number on Gore. Then again, with his yen for earth tones in a man's wardrobe, maybe Gore's references to "Brown Shirts" was intended as a compliment.

Only one major newspaper -- the Boston Herald -- reported Gore's Brown Shirt comment, though a Bush campaign spokesman's statement quoting the "Brown Shirt" line made it into the very last sentence of a Los Angeles Times article. The New York Times responded with an article criticizing both Republicans and Democrats for using Nazi imagery. Democrats call Republicans Nazis, the Republicans quote the Democrats calling Republicans Nazis and both are using Nazi imagery. (It's a cycle of violence!)

The nuts in the cages are virtual Bertrand Russells compared to the official speakers at the Democratic Convention. On the basis of their placards, I gather the caged-nut position is that they love the troops so much, they don't want them to get hurt defending America from terrorist attack. Support the troops, the signs say, bring them home.

That's my new position on all government workers, except the 5% who aren't useless, which is to say cops, prosecutors, firemen and U.S. servicemen. I love bureaucrats at the National Endowment of the Arts funding crucifixes submerged in urine so much -- I think they should go home. I love public school teachers punishing any mention of God and banning Christmas songs so much -- I think they should go home.

Walking back from the convention site I chatted with a normal Bostonian for several blocks -- who must have identified me through our covert system of signals. He was mostly bemused by the Democrats' primetime speakers and told me he used to be an independent, but for the last 20 years found himself voting mostly Republican. Then he corrected himself and said he votes for the American.

I'd say I love all these Democrats in Boston so much I want them to go home, but I don't. I want Americans to get a good long look at the French Party and keep the 7-11 challenge in mind.

[_Jim]

I don't see how you can found article DISJOINTED and poorly written - I particulary LIKED this part, which was weaved in with the rest of the article:

Only one major newspaper - the Boston Herald - reported Gore's "Brown Shirt" comment, though a Bush campaign spokesman's statement quoting the "Brown Shirt" line made it into the very last sentence of a Los Angeles Times article.

The New York Times responded with an article criticizing "both" Republicans and Democrats for using Nazi imagery.

Democrats call Republicans Nazis, the Republicans quote the Democrats calling Republicans Nazis and "both" are using Nazi imagery. (It's a cycle of violence!)

If you were to point out a couple of examples where 'disjointing' took place maybe we can help Ann with this problem ...

[BadAndy]

"Bare it.

Here and now ..."

Only a gay boy would be so anxious. Be careful or your boyfriend will get jealous.

[JoeGar]

Outstanding, Ann!

[JoeGar]

Outstanding, Ann!

[longtermmemmory]

Can anyone confirm the Algore speech was scrapped for a total rewrite at the last minute?

[Just mythoughts]

"I think this article would have made a great vanity piece in FR, but for a mainstream publication the tone is completely wrong. Which is odd, because one of her points is that the Demos need to put a bright face on things and keep the extremist rhetoric toned down. So why submit a foaming-at-the-mouth "Democrats are unhygenic spawns of the devil" article to USA Today in the first place? The goal is to let the other side seem as if they are the ones who are letting blind hatred get in the way of rational thought."


Ann is describing the lying crooked liberals to a T and not one word is a LIE!!!! What better words to describe the Party that seeks to remove "God" from our society. Sweet and bitter cannot come from the same cup and if you are against "God" that makes you a spawn of the devil!!!!!

[3AngelaD]

In this sentence she described Senator Kennedy's female Senate staff to a tee, no exaggeration.

[Ichneumon]

As for the pretty girls, I can only guess that its because liberal boys never try to make a move on you without the UN Security Council's approval.

Best line!

[FreeRadical]

Okay, so name five dims at the convention that believe a human ultimately only answers to God, not the state.

Next, keep in mind if you aren't with that you are with the Dark Side

and, now, tell me again why "Spawn of Satan" is out of line??

There is no need for nuance here and Ann knows it. It is good vs evil in the world and, now more than ever, in the USA. I for one, Ann for another, and THANK GOD, many more are flat freakin tired of being nice. There is no moral obligation what-so-freaking-ever to be anything but openly hostile to dims/socialists/progressives.

We need a purge, and it might as well start by telling it like it is.

[Isabelle]

Wish Ann Coulter was running the Sandy Berger criminal investigation.

[Republican Red]

I second that, great line

[longtermmemmory]

This was written for USA Today. This clip also contains text that is just part of an advertisement.

[Tamzee]

One (of many) big differences is that her criticisms are founded.

Exactly. In every piece of work, Michael Moore has been proven to lie, splice speeches to create quotes never stated, and severely misrepresent people and events via distortion and ommission. But the libs like his style.

Ann Coulter is always factual to a fault and scrupulously fair in only zinging lefties for what they really say and do. But USA Today would rather use a proven liar liberal than a truthful conservative.

[Tribune7]

In every piece of work, Michael Moore has been proven to lie, splice speeches to create quotes never stated, and severely misrepresent people and events via distortion and ommission. But the libs like his style. Ann Coulter is always factual to a fault and scrupulously fair in only zinging lefties for what they really say and do. But USA Today would rather use a proven liar liberal than a truthful conservative.

Worth repeating.

[finnigan2]

I enjoyed reading the article but can well understand why the paper spiked it without changes. It is funny but far, far too bitter and hateful to appeal to anyone but a far right winger. After all, isn't this the type of Whoopie Goldburg far left rant that we all detest so much? Mark Stein could take that convention apart piece by piece with satire so wicked, subtle and full of truth and insight that it would be all but impossible to spike.

[BBT]

Same here, especially this line:

"Just a few weeks ago, Gore gave a speech accusing the Bush administration of deploying digital Brown Shirts to intimidate journalists and pressure the media into writing good things about Bush -- in case you were wondering where all those glowing articles about Bush were coming from."

[randog]

Gotta agree with you.

[mtnwmn]

I'm afraid I must agree on this article....Ann can do a lot better. Of course, we haven't seen what Moore might say....maybe she was trying to get in the first licks.

[seams2me]

"amongst the corn-fed, no make-up, natural fiber, no-bra needing, sandal-wearing, hirsute, somewhat fragrant hippie chick pie wagons they call "women" at the Democratic National Convention"........

I am ROFL at this whole thing. Gotta love Ann!

[woofie]

Thanks. I skipped right over the 7/11 paragraph ....(going too fast I guess)