Top 10 reasons why Mr. Berger stuffed classified documents into his pants?

07/20/04 | crusty codger

[gov_bean_ counter]

He likes the feel of leather.

[Poohbah]

Don't know about the pants, but the alledged sock-stuffing had something to do with footnotes, I think.

*GROAN*

[CT]

Berger Top Ten (Reasons for Pilfering National Security Documents)

10. Was absent on day Clinton held Document Handling 101 class at local Hooters

9. After two weeks on Jenny Craig, socks wouldn’t stay up, and neither would pants

8. Street guy taught him trick to staying warm

9. Craig Livingston said it was OK

7. Hillary asked him to

6. Marine guarding files had his back turned

5. Ran out of firewood at home, and it was a cold day

4. Kerry had been in Aspen and wanted a briefing

3. Joe Wilson didn’t actually have any documents and felt left out

2. The media would bury the story

1. With Jamie Gorelick already on the Commission stealing them wouldn’t matter

[SF Republican]

One of my favorite political jokes was during the Clinton/Dole campain. They asked Dole if he wore boxers or briefs, he replied depends.

[syriacus]

Because Sandy had to spend a lot of time with the Kerrys and Teresa was too cheap to put TP in her 26 bathrooms.

[theophilusscribe]

That was awesome!

[Toespi]

I'll be "darned."

[ConservativeMajority]

He paniced when he thought he would be discovered and remembered the words often screamed at the Clinton White House, "Dammit, keep it in your pants!"

[stripes1776]

Because he thought the documents were panty-waste.

[baltodog]

He knows that now, no one will want to touch them.

He thought that they would just be blown off.

He knows that now the commission will view the documents and say, "This just stinks."

His pockets were already full.

Because "he could".

He only wanted the odd pages -- hey, it's not his fault that the even pages were attached.

Hillary wouldn't do it because she won't let anything of Bill's into HER pants.

There are just some things that you cannot get Madeline Albright or Janet Reno to do.

He was pissed because Arnold called the Democratic Legislature in California a bunch of "girlymen".

And lastly: He didn't want to put himself into a position where he might commit Arkancide.

[AD-15]

He was keeping them safe in Gore's famous "Lock Box"...

[Caipirabob]

Those weren't "top secret national security documents" in his pants, he was just happy to see jamie Gorelick.

Doesn't explain his socks, though...

[Phsstpok]

They were National Security Breeches.

close

National Security Briefs

[mrsmith]

Static cling.

[ebiskit]

I'd love to be the docs stuffed into Condi's bra!!!

[Reactionary]

Because the plans for the neutron bomb wouldn't quite fit.

[Maria S]

1. Because he could.
2. Because he could.
3. Because he could.
4-10. Same as above.

[GreenHornet]

Are those classified documents stuffed down your pants, or are you just happy to see me?

[commish]

Top 10 reasons why Mr. Berger stuffed classified documents into his pants?

10. That freshly crinkled paper feeling
9. How did those get in there
8. AC on High and no undies
7. Forgot his Depends
6. Hey baby wanna see my "secrets"
5. Wow Bill was right it does make you feel springtime fresh
4. Please let this make Hillary dispose of my FBI file
3. I sure hope Michael Moore can use these in his next "Documentary"
2. It's Bush's fault1. His socks were full!

[conservativeammom]

The toilet paper spindle was empty in the mens restroom,so Sandy borrowed some paper he found on a nearby table just outside the restroom door <:^). Yeah that's the ticket.