American comics make merry on Kerry

The Time sof India ^ | SUNDAY, JULY 18, 2004 | CHIDANAND RAJGHATTA

[Redcloak]

American comics make merry on Kerry CHIDANAND RAJGHATTA TIMES NEWS NETWORK[ SUNDAY, JULY 18, 2004 08:23:52 PM ]
WASHINGTON: John Kerry is so dull and boring that ''he has the charisma of a retired mortician.'' John Kerry can ''make a firefight in Vietnam sound like a mathematics text book.'' He's a sort of candidate who ''needs to be reminded to smile.'' The American Presidential election is shaping up to be a contest between dumb and dull. While George Bush's lack of grey matter has been the butt of jokes for years, John Kerry has overnight acquired the reputation of being so dull and wooden that he is being called ''Al Gore without the flash and the sizzle.'' Comedians and cartoonists are feasting on Kerry's wooden personality, which was never an issue during his nearly two decades as a Senator. Not even his choice of the engaging John Edwards as a running mate is rescuing the Massachusetts from the slings and arrows of the media. Even the staid Economist ribbed the Democratic candidate this week, saying he can ''put a hummingbird into a coma.'' Late night shows have been skewering Kerry so bad that for once, Bush, cannon fodder for stand up comics for the past four years, must be feeling good. From Jay Leno: ''John Kerry says that he wants to debate President Bush once a month until the election. This could be a risky move for Senator Kerry. If Bush doesn't show up for the debates, John Kerry may end up debating an empty chair. And that could be pretty much a toss up as to which one has the better personality.'' Although polls show Bush's rating falling sharply, the comic world is suggesting that Kerry's vapid personality may still lose the election for him. ''Gas prices are up, the stock market is down, Iraq is a mess and John Kerry is saying, 'How am I gonna beat this guy?''' wondered David Letterman. ''Kerry was here in Los Angeles. He was courting the Spanish vote by speaking Spanish. And he showed people he could be boring in two languages,'' taunted Leno. The media is not even sparing Kerry lugubrious looks. The Economist said Kerry looks like a portrait of himself by Edvard Munch (a Norwegian expressionist painter known for his symbolic portrayal of misery and death). And Leno, he of the rock jaw looks, wondered: ''The big winner last night in New Hampshire - Senator John Kerry. He won 39 per cent of the vote, which is pretty good, and begs the question, why the long face?'' Some of the cruellest jokes have centered around the fact that Kerry has married into great wealth (his wife Teresa is heiress to the Heinz ketchup fortune). Shrek 2 made over $120 million during its first week. In a related story, John Kerry asked Shrek to marry him,'' ribbed Conan O'Brien. ''Today, John Kerry announced a fool-proof plan to wipe out the $500B deficit. He's going to put it on his wife's Gold Card,'' quipped Craig Kilborn. And from the inimitable Leno: Senator John Kerry released his plan today to eliminate the deficit. He said all we have to do is find a really rich country like Switzerland and marry it. In all this roasting, Kerry's distinguished record as a US Senator for 19 years has been totally overshadowed. Comics are doubting his conviction on issues. ''The Secret Service has announced it is doubling its protection for John Kerry. You can understand why - with two positions on every issue, he has twice as many enemies,'' quipped Leno.

[Redcloak]

Ya gotta love that last line from Leno. The flip-flops, more than the leaden personality, are the greatest threat to sink Kerry.

[jocon307]

"Ya gotta love that last line from Leno."

That is a good one. It is silly to make fun of Kerry for his looks, but of course they will do it. The jokes about the wife's money likewise are just silly but this joke actually points to a true flaw.

I can actually feel bad for all the pols, the comics really are merciless to them, but I understand it is part of what makes this country great; the fact that Jay Leno, et al aren't about to be shot at dawn.

[cardinal4]

In all this roasting, Kerry's distinguished record as a US Senator for 19 years has been totally overshadowed.

Yeah, meeting with Ortega was real distinguished, as was voting for and then against every military appropriation bill..

[dc-zoo]

Bush should use comedy in some of his campaign ads. Make a joke out of kerry.

[McGavin999]

Dubya can laugh this stuff off because he knows he's not dumb, but this has to cut Kerry to the core.

[Theresawithanh]

"...George Bush's lack of grey matter..." Uh-huh. Probably the most misunderestimated prez. America has had!

This was a funny article, though! Every time I see Kerry on TV - not a lot, because I change the channel - I say "Hey John, why the long face?"

[Jagdgewehr]

In all this roasting, Kerry's distinguished record as a US Senator for 19 years has been totally overshadowed.

There is nothing "distinguished" about anyone or their record in the U.S. Senate. Unless being utterly useless is being "distinguished."

[tkathy]

'In all this roasting, Kerry's distinguished record as a US Senator for 19 years has been totally overshadowed.'

His most distinguished vote was the vote FOR the war in Iraq.

[JennysCool]

"...George Bush's lack of grey matter..."

It just AMAZES ME everytime this pops up. MBA, jet pilot, major league franchise owner, two-term governor of one of the largest states in the union, President of the United States in one of the most tumultous times in the history of the country, confident and powerful speaker, adept debater (just ask Al Gore) quick wit, persistent visionary, AND can own and manage a ranch -- which may well show the most intelligence of all. Where do they GET this "dumb" stuff?

[highlander_UW]

John Kerry has overnight acquired the reputation of being so dull and wooden that he is being called ''Al Gore without the flash and the sizzle.''

Isn't that $kerry?! But it's so appropriate that the party that has for years been reaping the votes of the dead now have a candidate who comes across as dead.

[uglybiker]

John Kerry is so dull and boring that ''he has the charisma of a retired mortician.''

Reminds me of a quote I read about Theodore Roosevelt's opponent in the 1904 election, Alton Parker. I forget who made it, but I think it describes Kerry just as well.

"He has all the personality of a sphere."

[Redcloak]

I think that W doesn't mind the "dumb" jokes. He's made a career out of watching others "misunderestimate" his abilities.

[Redcloak]

Maybe they've hired George Romero to work for the Party.

[Nataku X]

It's because of his grammar and his struggling while speaking. I have the exact same problem while speaking... I'll get nervous, my mind will go blank, and I'll mix up syllables and invent new words/tenses/grammar rules.

It's in no way related to mastery of English... if you read Bush's handwritten notes it's quite obvious he has an excellent grasp on grammar and spelling.

Ultimately though liberals just love feeling superior.

[Valin]

Did you know John Kerry served in Viet-Nam? Really it's true, what's more he was a HEro. He's got medals and everything.

[AReaganGirl]

I do the same thing. I can write better than I speak...sometimes. :)

[JRios1968]

Bush should use comedy in some of his campaign ads. Make a joke out of kerry.

sKerry already has made a joke out of himself!

[Libertina]

Kerry's distinguished record as a US Senator for 19 years has been totally overshadowed
Record? On what? Oh yeah, voting for something before he voted against it... but not there 80% of the time...

[traumer]

[dc-zoo]

True.. very true.