Posted on 07/18/2004 11:39:14 AM PDT by dennisw
July 18, 2004 LIVES When One Is Enough By AMY RICHARDS as told to AMY BARRETT
I grew up in a working-class family in Pennsylvania not knowing my father. I have never missed not having him. I firmly believe that, but for much of my life I felt that what I probably would have gained was economic security and with that societal security. Growing up with a single mother, I was always buying into the myth that I was going to be seduced in the back of a pickup truck and become pregnant when I was 16. I had friends when I was in school who were helping to rear nieces and nephews, because their siblings, who were not much older, were having babies. I had friends from all over the class spectrum: I saw the nieces and nephews on the one hand and country-club memberships and station wagons on the other. I felt I was in the middle. I had this fear: What would it take for me to just slip?
Now I'm 34. My boyfriend, Peter, and I have been together three years. I'm old enough to presume that I wasn't going to have an easy time becoming pregnant. I was tired of being on the pill, because it made me moody. Before I went off it, Peter and I talked about what would happen if I became pregnant, and we both agreed that we would have the child.
I found out I was having triplets when I went to my obstetrician. The doctor had just finished telling me I was going to have a low-risk pregnancy. She turned on the sonogram machine. There was a long pause, then she said, ''Are you sure you didn't take fertility drugs?'' I said, ''I'm positive.'' Peter and I were very shocked when she said there were three. ''You know, this changes everything,'' she said. ''You'll have to see a specialist.''
My immediate response was, I cannot have triplets. I was not married; I lived in a five-story walk-up in the East Village; I worked freelance; and I would have to go on bed rest in March. I lecture at colleges, and my biggest months are March and April. I would have to give up my main income for the rest of the year. There was a part of me that was sure I could work around that. But it was a matter of, Do I want to?
I looked at Peter and asked the doctor: ''Is it possible to get rid of one of them? Or two of them?'' The obstetrician wasn't an expert in selective reduction, but she knew that with a shot of potassium chloride you could eliminate one or more.
Having felt physically fine up to this point, I got on the subway afterward, and all of a sudden, I felt ill. I didn't want to eat anything. What I was going through seemed like a very unnatural experience. On the subway, Peter asked, ''Shouldn't we consider having triplets?'' And I had this adverse reaction: ''This is why they say it's the woman's choice, because you think I could just carry triplets. That's easy for you to say, but I'd have to give up my life.'' Not only would I have to be on bed rest at 20 weeks, I wouldn't be able to fly after 15. I was already at eight weeks. When I found out about the triplets, I felt like: It's not the back of a pickup at 16, but now I'm going to have to move to Staten Island. I'll never leave my house because I'll have to care for these children. I'll have to start shopping only at Costco and buying big jars of mayonnaise. Even in my moments of thinking about having three, I don't think that deep down I was ever considering it.
The specialist called me back at 10 p.m. I had just finished watching a Boston Pops concert at Symphony Hall. As everybody burst into applause, I watched my cellphone vibrating, grabbed it and ran into the lobby. He told me that he does a detailed sonogram before doing a selective reduction to see if one fetus appears to be struggling. The procedure involves a shot of potassium chloride to the heart of the fetus. There are a lot more complications when a woman carries multiples. And so, from the doctor's perspective, it's a matter of trying to save the woman this trauma. After I talked to the specialist, I told Peter, ''That's what I'm going to do.'' He replied, ''What we're going to do.'' He respected what I was going through, but at a certain point, he felt that this was a decision we were making. I agreed.
When we saw the specialist, we found out that I was carrying identical twins and a stand alone. My doctors thought the stand alone was three days older. There was something psychologically comforting about that, since I wanted to have just one. Before the procedure, I was focused on relaxing. But Peter was staring at the sonogram screen thinking: Oh, my gosh, there are three heartbeats. I can't believe we're about to make two disappear. The doctor came in, and then Peter was asked to leave. I said, ''Can Peter stay?'' The doctor said no. I know Peter was offended by that.
Two days after the procedure, smells no longer set me off and I no longer wanted to eat nothing but sour-apple gum. I went on to have a pretty seamless pregnancy. But I had a recurring feeling that this was going to come back and haunt me. Was I going to have a stillbirth or miscarry late in my pregnancy?
I had a boy, and everything is fine. But thinking about becoming pregnant again is terrifying. Am I going to have quintuplets? I would do the same thing if I had triplets again, but if I had twins, I would probably have twins. Then again, I don't know.
Wow!!! Oh, Amy, I am SOOOOO IMPRESSED with you!!!! < /sarcasm>
Good point!
Unbelieveable.
This is beyond the beyond. Her terminology. OMG. She refers to the non-twin as a "stand-alone." OMG. Sorry, this is just too much to handle, that anyone could be that cold-hearted and proud of it.
She gave up twins for THAT mindless resume'? WHY???
Yeah, God, why did you create three? Oh, because three was what You wanted!
Want to energize the pro-life constituency to vote in this election? Ladies and gentlemen: start your copiers!
Maybe I read it wrong, but it sounded to me like he wanted all three babies, and tried to get his girlfriend to consider having all of them.
Once someone has agreed to the murder of his child, his presence at the slaughter is irrelevant.
What could he do about it? Honestly - what? It's not that I don't find flaw with him in some ways, but how could he stop her from doing this?
So my question is Did she get fixed so she couldn't murder anymore children for her convenience?
Ill bet not !
If that's "reason" to you, you're insane.
That got me, too. "Can you get rid of...?" Horrible.
Like another poster suggested earlier, it seems that this baby was to be an accessory to her wardrobe. The other two were over-accessorizing, and God forbid, she can't have that! Wait till she finds out that she's not in perfect control of her life as she'd like to be. Oh, wait, she's found that out already, and told God off. I'd hate to be in her shoes in the days ahead. One day she'll learn, to her chagrin, that you can't always get what you want!!
I am almost speechless. People wonder who could have supported the Nazis. Easy, it's people like her.
This is the mind of pro-choice America.
Yes, perhaps this prominent feminist could become a powerful voice for life if she allows herself to realize what she has done. It's happened before.
Very disturbing.
I thought that was all I could have to say, but no, I can't stop there. She completely disregarded the children's father in the decision. He seemed to think all 3 were people deserving life. No wonder they sent him out of the room. She completely disregarded that she was priveleged to (potentially) be mother to 3 unique people. How could she hear the 3 heartbeats and then go on to decide which ones to kill and which to allow to live? How callously she explains her choices.
What will her son think when he is old enough to read this? Will his mind be as poisoned as hers?
Recall the false propaganda applied to our military by the libs: baby killer! Who are the real baby killers? 45 million and counting. What a cold hearted murderous evil person.
I'm only surprised that the same thing didn't happen on an episode of Sex and the City.
After all, the characters on that show are equally as dedicated to their beloved Manhattan lifestyles as this woman is.
(The immoral mythological power of that show can scarcely be underestimated).
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