Posted on 07/08/2004 8:53:28 PM PDT by Steven W.
One of John Edwards' claims to fame in becoming such a wealthy trial lawyer was his ability to "channel", purportedly bringing his victims directly into touch with the juries he was trying to sway in big $$$ class action lawsuits. Channeling, of course, is a new-age phenom akin to spiritual mediums and the like, in which the newly nominated VP candidate, like the legacy of the legendary Pagan John Edwards, serves as an empty vessel for spirits of the dead to communicate with those of us in this material world.
Imagine how beneficial that will be when he debates Dick Cheney - all of a sudden ...
boing!
"What's that? Who's there?"
From all outward appearances John Edwards appears to be in deep thought, possibly even momentary transcendental meditation, the kind of look Hanoi John Kerry says he's observed many times when he's "seen John Edwards thinking".
With the camera focused intently on Brit Hume preparing to ask Vice President Dick Cheney a question, we might never know that, in the meanwhile, John Edwards is tuning in to some external vibrations!
"It's the ghost of Democratic vice presidential nominees of the past. I've got Mondale here and Lloyd Bentsen too! Don't forget to remind 'em how you knew Jack Kennedy, he's channelled to you many times, you know the schtick. Plus Mondull still thinks you should tell them the truth about raising their taxes but did admit any good lawyer knows that lying will always work any way"
Good thing I value my job and driver's license...I get so tempted to just ram those jerks when I see stuff like that.
I just don't buy into that crap. Please remove the tinfoil hat.
"...Cheney will never win the debate scored on the People Magazine scale (hair, sex appeal, etc.) - but he's going to run like a white hot buzz saw through butter by any non-frivolous measure. Edwards is a lightweight..."
Lynn Cheney was on Fox News today and she said that John Jr. had years of rhetorical experience as a trial lawyer and was not to be underestimated in the debates.
What we need to do is spread the word that Edwards is going to just kill Cheney in the debates. You know, lower the expectations for Cheney and then when he cleans the floor wtih mop-top (running mate of flip-flop) he'll be an even bigger winner. Am I right or wrong?
In one of Edwards' silver-tongued arguments to the jury on behalf of a girl born with cerebral palsy, he claimed he was channeling the unborn baby girl, Jennifer Campbell, who spoke to the jurors through him: "She said at 3, I'm fine; She said at 4, I'm having a little trouble, but I'm doing OK; at 5, she said, I'm having problems; At 5:30, she said, I need out now!"
if i was married to elizabeth edwards, i'd have my eyes closed and be doing some 'channeling' of my own :)
Good idea.
But there's another point, I can't figure out how to make as succintly.
In the suit referenced, Edwards sued a doctor for not performing a C-section soon enough - claiming this damaged the child's brain.
However, had the doctor instead of trying to deliver the baby, turned it around in the womb until only its head remained inside and then stabbed its brains and severed its head - Kerry would support that "delivery" with no lawsuit (for which he made $20 million).
REALLY, HOW TRUE!!!!............no comparision!!!!...but it should amount to humorous TV, nevertheless!
If anybody wants to hear some hilarious "channeling", get ahold of comedian Craig Shoemaker and his "Lovemaster" character.
Here's a little Edwards/Cheney Haiku:
John speaks well. Nice hair.
His smile will light up the room.
Light lunch for Cheney.
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