Posted on 07/07/2004 5:36:24 PM PDT by rhema
The Twins gave out 5,000 G.I. Joe toys the other night, and so far there have been no reported cases of 8-year-olds showing up at any Army recruiting offices. That was one of the concerns among the various activists who opposed the toy giveaway. They thought the G.I. Joe figure was specifically a recruiting device that might inure a child to a life on the battlefield.
No, I don't understand either how you make yourself think that — especially when kids make toy guns out of everything, even the chicken fingers in the school lunch room.
In any event, the giveaway took place without a hitch. The kids loved it. And parents love any gift that cannot be banged on the floor, like a bat. The Twins did arrange to have Joe's gun removed during the production phase in China so that the Metrodome's No Guns Allowed policy would not be violated. Joe had a couple of hand grenades clipped to his little flak vest, but hand grenades are allowed in the Metrodome.
It was truly amazing how successful the activists were in getting themselves some ink on this one. Why, the other day, when we all learned of the G.I. Joe promotion, the activists got more space in the paper than any other story.
The Twins drew 16,191 on Monday night, or 21,191 if you count all the Joes, which an activist might, considering that they apparently see no distinction between a 4-inch plastic injected mold and a real-life Rambo.
That isn't a whopper crowd, but then again it wasn't bad for a Monday night at the tail end of a long holiday weekend.
In fact, when you consider that by Monday night most people wanted to pull the drain plug on the boat and crash by 8 p.m., 16,191 isn't bad at all. I would credit the activists. They raised such a ridiculous fuss that the game drew front-page publicity. Thousands of parents were inspired to take a kid to the ball game. They even got a 9-0 victory over Kansas City and a complete game by Brad Radke.
I hope this gives the Pohlads some ideas. I say Pohlads, because I know what I would do if I had a billion dollars and I owned the Twins. I would have some giveaways that would guarantee my club staying on the front page, not the front page of the sports section, but the main front page of the newspaper.
For example, I would have a candy cigarette night. That would drive more activists crazy than G.I. Joe. A candy cigarette is no more capable of causing cancer than a G.I. Joe toy is capable of shooting up the room, but as a billionaire owner, I would dream up giveaways for no other purpose than to drive activists crazy. If asked why I would do such a thing, I would give them Bill Clinton's new answer. "I'm doing it because I can.''
It would serve two purposes. One, I would get a lot of words written about my ballclub, and two, it always serves as a reality check when normal people stop in their tracks and say, "Wait a minute. It's a toy. It can't shoot anybody.''
I also would have a cylinder toy night. On this night, the first 5,000 kids would have their choice of a toy Hummer, a toy all-terrain vehicle or a toy snowmobile. Activists are particularly put off by the prospect of children becoming indoctrinated about such things as SUVs and off-road recreation on Mother Earth's forest floor.
If I was feeling particularly mischievous, I would work a deal with McDonald's and the first 5,000 kids would get a baseball-themed Super-Sized Happy Meal with a diamond-shaped piece of apple pie. Oh, the protesters against tubbiness would go out of their minds.
I probably couldn't get away with a Daisy Red Ryder Carbine BB gun night, but I could if I owned my own ballpark.
The libs would have preferred that GI Joe were replaced by Gay Eye Joe....
You'll shoot your eye out with that.
The Twins have actually been pretty original. They started the bobblehead giveaways which were very successful.
What kind of twins? Japanese twins? The Olsen twins?
Don't forget to drink your Ovaltine!
The Twins drew 16,191 on Monday night
Thousands of parents were inspired to take a kid to the ball game. They even got a 9-0 victory over Kansas City and a complete game by Brad Radke.
If I was feeling particularly mischievous, I would work a deal with McDonald's and the first 5,000 kids would get a baseball-themed Super-Sized Happy Meal with a diamond-shaped piece of apple pie.
Playboy Playmate Twins?
Joe Soucheray is wonderful.
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