Posted on 06/23/2004 1:36:23 PM PDT by John Lenin
By DAVID CRARY, AP National Writer
NEW YORK - While most single young men aspire to marriage, about one-fifth are deeply skeptical of the institution and their prospects of making it work, according to a new national survey which closely links men's marital outlook to their upbringing.
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The survey, released Wednesday by the National Marriage Project at Rutgers University, found that the men with negative attitudes were far more likely than the rest to have been raised by a divorced parent in a non-churchgoing family.
"Most young men are still 'the marrying kind,'" said a report accompanying the survey. "Moreover, the men who are the best 'marriage bets' are those who are more traditional in their family and religious background."
One critic said such assertions were too broad, fostering illusions about traditional families and overlooking the nuanced attitudes of those raised by divorced parents.
Of the 1,010 men aged 25-34 who were surveyed, 569 were married. Of that group, 81 percent said they got married "because it was the right time to settle down." The desire to have children was a major factor for 35 percent; only 15 percent said they married sooner than they wished because of pressure from their partner.
The survey was part of the annual "State of Our Unions" report authored by Marriage Project co-directors David Popenoe and Barbara Dafoe Whitehead.
Their report avoided making specific recommendations, but Popenoe, in a telephone interview, counseled women seeking husbands to "take into consideration the guy's background — don't avoid the traditional guys."
"A huge percentage of the men say they'll marry when it's time to settle down, which a lot of women don't quite understand," Popenoe said. "A word of advice to women — make sure you're getting the guy at just this time."
Survey responses from the married men painted a positive picture of marriage — 94 percent said they were happier married than single, and 73 percent said their sex life was better.
"For men, even more than for women, marriage is a transformative event," Popenoe and Whitehead wrote. "They work harder and do better financially than men who are not married. They are less likely to hang out in bars, to abuse alcohol or drugs."
According to the survey, married men are roughly twice as likely as unmarried men to go religious services regularly. Three-quarters of the married men said it was important for children to be raised in a religion, compared to 59 percent of unmarried men.
Regarding parenting, married and single men had similar views — about two-thirds of each group said having children shouldn't be the main purpose of marrying.
Among the single men, those interested in marriage were more likely to have had a father fully involved in their upbringing than those who were skeptical of marriage. The unmarried men raised by two parents also were more likely to be trusting of women than those raised in single-parent homes.
Stephanie Coontz, a history professor at Evergreen State College in Olympia, Wash., and author of several books on families, questioned the utility of such findings.
"There's this endless stream of correlations that seem designed to convince people, 'By golly, we'd all do better if everybody got married and stayed married,'" she said. "That's unrealistic in the modern world."
She said researchers should conduct more detailed surveys, for example, comparing the outlooks of men whose parents divorced amicably with men whose parents endured in an unhappy marriage.
Of the unmarried men who were surveyed, 53 percent said they were not interested in getting married anytime soon. Most agreed that "at this stage in my life I want fun and freedom"; 47 percent said they wouldn't marry until they could afford to own a home.
How sad :(
True, But I have been happily married this time for 13yrs. So I'm glad the ex-wife thought like that.
I agree with you about Dr. Laura. Although I haven't yet read the most recent book (note to self, library list), the discussions I've read suggest that its approach to men is rather shallow: "You should treat your husband with respect ... even though he's a primitive creature interested only in food, sports, and sex." (This, btw, is exactly what my Japanese professor in college said about Japanese men ... she married an American!)
My husband is a much more complex and interesting person than that, and if our sons turn out like their father, they will be ... not perfect, but well above average, with personalities that will interest any woman who's not a total twit.
Well I hear it's sometimes better the second time around.
Trust me, there are a lot more of us in the wings than you realize. We're just quiet about it, thats all.
Shame. You just described someone I know to a "T", because of screwy women who (helped) mess up his past too.
Good men ruined by screwy women, who ruin it for the rest of us (honest) ones.
What could he be thinking? : how a man's mind really works / by Gurian, Michael. St. Martin's Press, 2003. Call #: 305.31
Subject Topic: Men -- Psychology. Interpersonal relations.
Summary: Addresses the concerns of women about the men in their lives, presenting a profile of the male psyche to shed light on the nuances of men's actions and thoughts in modern culture.
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I thought this was very informative, regarding how men's brains work - just as well as women's :-), but with different objectives. Example: "Why can't he find anything in the refrigerator?" "Because his brain identifies size and movement of objects more than shape and color. Therefore, he can't see the mustard, because it isn't moving."
I don't recommend this without reservations, but it's VERY interesting, when it sticks with what can be observed using the latest technology, about the functioning of men's and women's brains.
I am the second of 9.
A baseball team.
"You should treat your husband with respect even though he's a primitive creature interested only in food sports and sex."
No Dr Laura, it's just that we aren't interested in much of the same nonsense that many women are.
"Nuanced" must be the new euphemism for "ridiculously dysfunctional."
Nuanced? My aching foot.
Women aren't always interested in nonsense (and unless they're leftists, older women are usually more sensible than younger ones!).
I'd rather spend an evening with my husband talking about the best leadership strategies for his Cub Scout den (after all, it could help me with my Brownie Girl Scouts, and some of the Cubs are my sons ...), than talking about "my feelings." And we can watch a John Wayne video at the same time ... although if I've had a few glasses of wine, you'll have to listen to me go on about how my Dad is just like John Wayne ...
In summary, stereotypes are harmful for all relationships ... both feminist stereotypes, and Dr. Laura's minimalist view of men.
I thought the percentage would be much greater than one-fifth.
Nuance is code word for anything goes.
But this is a survey of 25-34 year olds so they haven't built up the experience yet to be so skeptical.
It all depends on your perspective, I guess. (How's that for a "nuanced" comment?)
That'll work
*grin*
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