Posted on 06/23/2004 1:36:23 PM PDT by John Lenin
By DAVID CRARY, AP National Writer
NEW YORK - While most single young men aspire to marriage, about one-fifth are deeply skeptical of the institution and their prospects of making it work, according to a new national survey which closely links men's marital outlook to their upbringing.
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The survey, released Wednesday by the National Marriage Project at Rutgers University, found that the men with negative attitudes were far more likely than the rest to have been raised by a divorced parent in a non-churchgoing family.
"Most young men are still 'the marrying kind,'" said a report accompanying the survey. "Moreover, the men who are the best 'marriage bets' are those who are more traditional in their family and religious background."
One critic said such assertions were too broad, fostering illusions about traditional families and overlooking the nuanced attitudes of those raised by divorced parents.
Of the 1,010 men aged 25-34 who were surveyed, 569 were married. Of that group, 81 percent said they got married "because it was the right time to settle down." The desire to have children was a major factor for 35 percent; only 15 percent said they married sooner than they wished because of pressure from their partner.
The survey was part of the annual "State of Our Unions" report authored by Marriage Project co-directors David Popenoe and Barbara Dafoe Whitehead.
Their report avoided making specific recommendations, but Popenoe, in a telephone interview, counseled women seeking husbands to "take into consideration the guy's background — don't avoid the traditional guys."
"A huge percentage of the men say they'll marry when it's time to settle down, which a lot of women don't quite understand," Popenoe said. "A word of advice to women — make sure you're getting the guy at just this time."
Survey responses from the married men painted a positive picture of marriage — 94 percent said they were happier married than single, and 73 percent said their sex life was better.
"For men, even more than for women, marriage is a transformative event," Popenoe and Whitehead wrote. "They work harder and do better financially than men who are not married. They are less likely to hang out in bars, to abuse alcohol or drugs."
According to the survey, married men are roughly twice as likely as unmarried men to go religious services regularly. Three-quarters of the married men said it was important for children to be raised in a religion, compared to 59 percent of unmarried men.
Regarding parenting, married and single men had similar views — about two-thirds of each group said having children shouldn't be the main purpose of marrying.
Among the single men, those interested in marriage were more likely to have had a father fully involved in their upbringing than those who were skeptical of marriage. The unmarried men raised by two parents also were more likely to be trusting of women than those raised in single-parent homes.
Stephanie Coontz, a history professor at Evergreen State College in Olympia, Wash., and author of several books on families, questioned the utility of such findings.
"There's this endless stream of correlations that seem designed to convince people, 'By golly, we'd all do better if everybody got married and stayed married,'" she said. "That's unrealistic in the modern world."
She said researchers should conduct more detailed surveys, for example, comparing the outlooks of men whose parents divorced amicably with men whose parents endured in an unhappy marriage.
Of the unmarried men who were surveyed, 53 percent said they were not interested in getting married anytime soon. Most agreed that "at this stage in my life I want fun and freedom"; 47 percent said they wouldn't marry until they could afford to own a home.
I think so, too ... loopy leftist institution all around.
Couldn't be. Rachel Corrie's college was knocked down by an angry Palestinian in a bulldozer.
Well, they haven't met my wife. I have to drag her out of the bar at closing time.
Ha!
(1) This shows that the Hollywood consensus - i.e. that 90% of guys are afraid of marriage and never want to get married - is as illusory as every other Hollywood trope.
(2) This survey reflects me to a T. It's almost scary how accurate this portrait is.
I grew up in a churchgoing two-parent home.
I was happy to get married. I didn't have to be pressured into it. I didn't think it was too soon.
Since I've gotten married I am more serious about work. I've missed Mass maybe three times in the 5 years I've been married. I consume probably 25% the alcohol that I did when I was single.
Only difference - having kids was an essential part of marriage for me.
Boom! Allah Akbar!
Be careful ...
Well, we met at a bar, so I get nostalgic every time we stumble out of one together.
Here's the link to the full report:
http://marriage.rutgers.edu/Publications/SOOU/TEXTSOOU2004.htm
One thing I find depressing about these surveys is that the young people seem to have such unrealistic expectations of marriage. You'd think they spent their formative years reading Barbara Cartland novels!
My suggestion to you, don't have kids.
What a strange thing to say. Not everyone meets their wife in Church, you know. Some of us meet at Happy Hour.
The background characteristics of people entering a marriage have major implications for their risk of divorce. Here are some percentage point decreases in the risk of divorce or separation during the first ten years of marriage, according to various personal and social factors:
Percent Decrease in Risk of Divorce
Annual income over $50,000 (vs. under $25,000): -30%
Having a baby seven months or more after marriage (vs. before marriage): -24%
Marrying over 25 years of age (vs. under 18): -24%
Own family of origin intact (vs. divorced parents) : -14%
Religious affiliation (vs. none) : -14%
Some college (vs. high-school dropout) -13%
So if you are a reasonably well-educated person with a decent income, come from an intact family and are religious, and marry after age twenty five without having a baby first, your chances of divorce are very low indeed.
Why not?
Why? There's nothing about the modern world that makes commitment or fidelity any more difficult or less realistic than it ever was. I'd wager Stephanie's just too self-centered to have any real interest in trying to make marriage work (or she just hasn't yet found the right gal, in true Evergreen College fashion).
Because divorce can get real expensive.
The single most important question both parties need to answer is, do you want to be married or single. If the former, you'll look for ways to succeed, if the latter, you'll invent ways to fail.
Hmm.... Got everything going for us except the religious part (well, she is but I'm not).
I think some men pass up great women because they just don't want to get married at that time.
I think that's okay for a guy in his early 20's, but when they start hitting their 30's or 40's then I think it's a problem.
Jump to conclusions much?
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