Posted on 06/23/2004 1:36:23 PM PDT by John Lenin
By DAVID CRARY, AP National Writer
NEW YORK - While most single young men aspire to marriage, about one-fifth are deeply skeptical of the institution and their prospects of making it work, according to a new national survey which closely links men's marital outlook to their upbringing.
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The survey, released Wednesday by the National Marriage Project at Rutgers University, found that the men with negative attitudes were far more likely than the rest to have been raised by a divorced parent in a non-churchgoing family.
"Most young men are still 'the marrying kind,'" said a report accompanying the survey. "Moreover, the men who are the best 'marriage bets' are those who are more traditional in their family and religious background."
One critic said such assertions were too broad, fostering illusions about traditional families and overlooking the nuanced attitudes of those raised by divorced parents.
Of the 1,010 men aged 25-34 who were surveyed, 569 were married. Of that group, 81 percent said they got married "because it was the right time to settle down." The desire to have children was a major factor for 35 percent; only 15 percent said they married sooner than they wished because of pressure from their partner.
The survey was part of the annual "State of Our Unions" report authored by Marriage Project co-directors David Popenoe and Barbara Dafoe Whitehead.
Their report avoided making specific recommendations, but Popenoe, in a telephone interview, counseled women seeking husbands to "take into consideration the guy's background — don't avoid the traditional guys."
"A huge percentage of the men say they'll marry when it's time to settle down, which a lot of women don't quite understand," Popenoe said. "A word of advice to women — make sure you're getting the guy at just this time."
Survey responses from the married men painted a positive picture of marriage — 94 percent said they were happier married than single, and 73 percent said their sex life was better.
"For men, even more than for women, marriage is a transformative event," Popenoe and Whitehead wrote. "They work harder and do better financially than men who are not married. They are less likely to hang out in bars, to abuse alcohol or drugs."
According to the survey, married men are roughly twice as likely as unmarried men to go religious services regularly. Three-quarters of the married men said it was important for children to be raised in a religion, compared to 59 percent of unmarried men.
Regarding parenting, married and single men had similar views — about two-thirds of each group said having children shouldn't be the main purpose of marrying.
Among the single men, those interested in marriage were more likely to have had a father fully involved in their upbringing than those who were skeptical of marriage. The unmarried men raised by two parents also were more likely to be trusting of women than those raised in single-parent homes.
Stephanie Coontz, a history professor at Evergreen State College in Olympia, Wash., and author of several books on families, questioned the utility of such findings.
"There's this endless stream of correlations that seem designed to convince people, 'By golly, we'd all do better if everybody got married and stayed married,'" she said. "That's unrealistic in the modern world."
She said researchers should conduct more detailed surveys, for example, comparing the outlooks of men whose parents divorced amicably with men whose parents endured in an unhappy marriage.
Of the unmarried men who were surveyed, 53 percent said they were not interested in getting married anytime soon. Most agreed that "at this stage in my life I want fun and freedom"; 47 percent said they wouldn't marry until they could afford to own a home.
Maybe I shoulda used semicolons instead of commas on the "ping" list. Who knows.
Anyway,"PING" to #140.
Sure, I just don't want to be lured into a waste of time. Sometimes there is great programming. 99% of the time it is a vast wasteland.
I just know too many, "dumb girls." I went to highschool with a gal who married Richard Ramirez, the "Night Stalker." I just have known too many who fall for the "exciting" males who are often times the more destructive.
Fortunately, I did not fall for that type. I found that the nice quiet men that have inner strength are the best. Out of our relationship, my husband has grown, and become very talkative, and very much a leader.
I am glad of my life choices, my children are well off, and it works for me.
LOL!!!
Marriage is a small change compared to the first child. Life is forever different after that. Higher ups and downs, but a major change from the adult life you enjoy now.
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